to ask for £5 donation to a fund to buy a playhouse instead of a present?

[chuffinell]

Its my DDs 4th birthday and we have invited 18 children to her party, she also has lots of family

we are already overwhelmed with toys at home. Wd it be rude/bad manner/cheeky to do the above?

Dee your comments on here, like scottishmummys are totally offensive.

i would never expect a present, and wd be happy to just see the child at the party. i wd not charge them, and i wd certainly not decide how many people were coming just to make up the amount

i am not grasping, i am merely asking a question and am happy to hear both sides of the discussion, whether people agree with me or not, but throwing insults like that do not enhance a grown up debate

i think its a joke that you both think you can lecture me on etiquette and manners then write such offensive comments

belgianchocolates, i feel too

i repeat - i have not asked for money, i was merely seeing what peoples opinions wd be on this and i thank everyone for their comments, apart from the unnecessarily rude ones - you can express a difference of opinion without being nasty

thanks for all the other comments, on both sides of the debate

Chuffinell - well said. Right there with you!!

Personally, I think I'm of the opinion that those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter!! I'm not going to get along with all the parents of the children in LO's class, so if I offend anyone doing something I see as acceptable then so be it.

The last party LO was invited to I went out of my way to tell the Mum loudly and often that I thought it was a great idea (offering the option of a £1 in the piggy bank) and hoped it caught on for the nursery school group parties (4 birthdays this month!!)... especially now Woolies has gone!! Party before that we bought a gift we hoped the little boy would like and didn't already have 10 of and put the receipt in a little envelope so he could exchange it if he wanted to.... much easier just to put the coins in a piggy bank and the LO enjoys doing that too.

"i think its a joke that you both think you can lecture me on etiquette and manners then write such offensive comments"

Take a deep breath! I don't think they're being particularly offensive - more frank! This is AIBU, not a support thread! If you are that easily offended, then it's probably best not to do it, as you may well come in for some criticism from people in RL.

FWIW, I enjoy getting presents for people. Choosing a present for a party with my LO would be a pleasure - explaining we are going to give a fiver not so much fun, and I would probably get a small present anyway.

oh dear, sorry chuffinell

Only my first post was directly meant for you, the rest was just my (rather spirited) involvement in a hypothetical discussion.

I certainly didn't meant to imply that you were being grasping or attempting to charge people to go to your party. That would have been unfair and I'm most embarrassed that it might seem I was casting aspersions on you personally.

I do think it is grasping to ask for donations at a party, but I also know that the idea occurs to lots of very ungrasping people for practical reasons.

ChippingIn
"The last party LO was invited to I went out of my way to tell the Mum loudly and often that I thought it was a great idea (offering the option of a £1 in the piggy bank) and hoped it caught on for the nursery school group parties (4 birthdays this month!!)..."

How utterly charming. You must be in great demand at parties.

Personally, I would be more than happy to give £5 rather than a gift (I think it's really sensible and I do know a few people who have done it), but am not sure if I would have the guts to do it myself if that makes any sense.

i love when posters say thank's for affirmative answers and get the hump about non affirmative posts

oh diddums,well dont ask for opinions then,esp on AIBU

calm down with the humphy face and indignation. i didnt give you any lecture i asked you some questions. querying if all 18 guests pay £5 will that cover cost of playhouse?

you didnt likey the answer fair enough,but dont adopt the martyr got at stance

chuffinell said 'thanks for all the other comments, on both sides of the debate'

Doesn't sound like she was angling just for affirmative answers to me.

yes,thanks all the other comments.pointedly singling out "offensive" responses she didn't like

bottom line is chuffinell didn't likey some answers.fair enough,but don't throw the rattle out the pram banging on about etiquette
ask an opinion,especially on AIBU expect divergent responses

Chuffinell's first post after her op reads "crikey, what a lot of replies so soon, thank you all

i am getting the message that it wd be rude so i will just sent the invites out, watch DD open any pezzies she gets, and be greatful..."

Sounds to me she was totally ok about getting divergent responses to her ÁIBU OP.

DeeBlindMice - I didn't mean while at the party. When she handed out the invites I commented to her that I thought it was a great idea, she'd been a bit worried that some of the judgeypants parents might be a bit , so when there were various judgeypants about I mentioned to her that I thought it was a fab idea and would be great if it caught on at the nursery... lots of the Mums said they thought it would be too...

Love you jumping to conclusions about my acceptance with the other parents though

YABU.

It is always rude to try to dictate to others what to give a person as a gift.

If you don't want any more toys, then ask for no gifts at all.

Soliciting for cash is RUDE, RUDE, RUDE.

Some Reception Mums at our school sent out a note at the start of the year, saying that they suggested having the option of a 'classmates present' for parties. Mums take it in turns to organise a collection for the birthday child - if that's what their parents want. No obligation to contribute and no set amount - although £5 is considered the going rate. Sometimes organising mum has bought requested present eg Lego set, other times it has been vouchers.
I'm happy to contribute knowing the birthday child will get something they want. Like it best when the parent has said what child would like, then I can tell DS what present he and his classmates are buying.
Also works for joint parties - when I put in £10 - although don't think there is any compulsion to double the amount.