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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect to use a disabled toilet when I'm out with the pram?

734 replies

CT123 · 10/02/2009 19:17

I can't use the ladies when I have my baby with me in the pram. The only thing I can do is wheel him into the disabled toilet with me. But the disabled toilets have special locks on them, which presumably disabled people have special keys for. I appreciate that they want to stop able-bodied people hogging disabled toilets but what else can I do?

OP posts:
imsodisgustedurgh · 11/02/2009 09:03

i too use disabled toilets for 2 reasons

  1. i have a stomach condition which means when i need to go, i need to go, in which ever toilet is closest, or the consequences would be mortifying
  1. related to above i wouldnt dream of leaving ds outside and the door open while i went, how disgusting would that be
  1. i did leave ds1 outside cubicles back in the day, but it wasnt from choice and there is no way i will leave a 10 month old baby outside anything where i cant see him in the middle of a shopping centre, if i am going in for ds's needs, i always check if anyone else needs the toilet first, and am as quick as i can be
ChopsTheDuck · 11/02/2009 09:05

anyway as i understand it,the building regulation require accessible wc, eg adequate turning circle, handrail, alarms and these are Wheelchair suitable but not designated for sole exclusive use.

when they have a pic of a wheelchair on them, and only that symbol on them that does mean they are for the sole use of the disabled!!!

Where on earth did you get the idea they are there for anybody's convenience?
They aren't about making life easier, they are a necessity for a particular group of people.

Buda · 11/02/2009 09:08

I have used the disabled loo in the past when DS was in a pushchair but there was never anyone else waiting to use it - nor waiting when I came out. So I don't think I inconvenienced anyone. And if I was waiting to use it and a disabled person came along I would let them go first obviously.

I understand that for me it was a convenience to be able to use the space and not stress about leaving DS outside in the buggy or whatever but for the disabled person it is a necessity.

ScottishMummy · 11/02/2009 09:10

chops why are you so aggressive?yes the sign denotes accessible for wheelchair.

i am not disputing that adequate tuning circle
alarms
adapted equipment is a necessity for many users

so dont infer i did!

i am saying if it is empty i will use it

so dont twist words to go off at a tangent

cory · 11/02/2009 09:11

I used to take dd into the cubicle and support her in a sling while doing a wee. When she got too old for that I used to bring a small waterproof sheet with me in the pram so that in an emergency I could sit her down even on a filthy floor.
By the time she was too old for this, she was able to stand leaning against the door.

wotulookinat · 11/02/2009 09:17

I use the disabled loos, if I can, to take the buggy in with me. And I don't feel bad about it.
In my local shopping centre, however, the disabled loo has a key, which I don't have. There is a reasonable baby change area, but with a small cubicle in it, which even a small pushchair won't fit into, so you have to leave pushchair, complete with shopping and child, outside. I hate doing that.

mm22bys · 11/02/2009 09:17

What about all those places that don't have any disabled toilets / baby change facilities?

How would any of you cope?

I have many times changed a wriggling toddler on my lap on a normal toilet....

Maybe Riven you are right, maybe we (or most of us) are sissies who expect the world for us....

wotulookinat · 11/02/2009 09:21

I don't think I have come accross a place that doesn't have baby change facilities.

TheLadyEvenstar · 11/02/2009 09:26

I understand it can be difficult with a pram hell i have a big emmaljunga pram which can prive very difficult to get into toilets let alone cubicles. So i either hold it or get ds2s pram into the toilets push it to the end cubicle and have a wee with the door open.If people want to have a look at me well they must be hard up for entertainment. Although I am pretty sure with me talking to ds2 the whole time they will be able to figure out i am in the toilet.

As for changing him I will change where ever i can except a disabled toilet, I change him in his pram, on my knee, in the back of the car (if the car is with us). there are ways round it without taking up a facility meant for a particular group of people.

mm22bys · 11/02/2009 09:30

Really Wot?

DumbledoresGirl · 11/02/2009 09:30

I didn't know this was so controversial. I have often used the disabled loo when out with my children. I probably wouldn't now as they are all school age and capable of being left outside to wait, but when they were little, well I had 4 under the age of 7 at one time and it was so much safer and easier for us all to nip in to the disabled loo together where I could keep an eye on them all. Naturally a disabled person would have had priority but I don't recall ever seeing someone in a wheelchair going in to a disabled loo, only other mums with little children. I must lead a sheltered life.

BlameItOnTheBogey · 11/02/2009 09:37

I think this is another one of those threads which is like the 'please don't tell people who are struggling to conceive to relax' threads. A thread where we can learn a lot from other people on mumsnet's experience.

I had previously assumed it was ok to use the disabled toilets if no one else was waiting. But being told by people who are in a position to know that, no it isn't and can cause a problem, is enough to stop me from doing it again. It doesn't really matter whether legally we can use these facilities, the fact is that if it would cause a problem for someone with a disability, I would be mortified to do it. I will take ds into the cubicle with me from now on and leave pushchair outside.

ihavenewsockson · 11/02/2009 09:42

we're quite fortunate in that we have the extra large 'family' cubicle in the ladies at the local shopping centre.

I would only use a disabled loo in an emergency- having worked as a carer and seen how distressing it is when people who don't need it use it.

that being said, i was shopping last week, 38weeks pregnant with 14mth DS and the que in the ladies was huge. a caretaker came over and told me he had unlocked one of the four disabled loos for me...i was sooo grateful!

i think we haev great facilities in the uk in general. we were in NY in june and all the loos (except McDs or BK) were up/down at least one flight of stairs, no baby change at all. needless to say DH and I became expert in changing a 7mth wriggler on our laps!

kiddiz · 11/02/2009 09:46

I have 3 dcs ranging in age from 11 to 20. In all those 20 years, with 3 lots of pram pushing years, have I ever had a problem with public toilets that has meant I have felt it necessary to use the facilities provided for those with a disability. Even though ds1 has a disability he is able to use ordinary toilets and does so.
I have a huge problem with people dishonestly obtaining a Radar key. I can't even remember what I did with my pram/baby when I needed the loo so it certainly couldn't have been that much of an issue could it?

heather1980 · 11/02/2009 09:54

in our local shopping centre the entrance is so narrow that to can't even get a pram into the loos never mind into a cubical. luckily next to it is a parent room with a change station, loo and child loo, but it's all one room so 1 in and 1 out. when it's been really busy i have on occasion used the disabled loo, i refuse to leave my dc out side the toilets! sorry

madhairday · 11/02/2009 10:11

I'm sad to see how many messages here mention people who 'don't look disabled', eg

" Any way a totally normal looking man came out eventually folding up his newspaper (leaving a hideous stink behind him). I was furious - that was mis-use of disabled loo imo."

Do disabled people have to look obviously disabled? This upsets me that some of you think that, because I get enough of the evils off people for using disabled facilities/parking etc without some of my fellow mumsnetters thinking this way too. Not all disabilities show! What happened to the benefit of the doubt? I'd gladly trade my lungs with people who make such comments, and see how they like it.

Re using the disabled loos, it is a difficult one because for all you saying that you would check first if there were no disabled people around, someone still may be cuaght short, like Charlee's ds (couldn't believe that woman's attitude, Charlee ) But also as has been said they are often combined with baby change etc so no choice really. I use disabled loos on bad days because I don't have the strength to stand in a queue or get up without bars, but I don't really begrudge mums with buggies using them tbh...I recognise there sometimes is no choice.

Jux · 11/02/2009 10:15

Do bear in mind though, that not all disabled people look disabled, but may still need to jump the queue - which is when the disabled loo comes into it's own for us!

Despite being disabled myself, I always feel guilty using those loos, and I know people watch me and think that I shouldn't be using it, but I really am entitled to, honestly

fattiemumma · 11/02/2009 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

madhairday · 11/02/2009 10:20

I feel just the same Jux, have this strange guilt about it all despite the fact I am totally entitled. Sad that society makes us feel this way really.

madhairday · 11/02/2009 10:22

fattie, not sure if that post is adressed to me, and if I said anything that warranted it? I am disabled, and would be the last to think getting a key if you are not is a good idea. ???

fattiemumma · 11/02/2009 10:26

no sorry madhairy.. it was only the part about mums in genuine need directed at you.

Embarrassed10 · 11/02/2009 10:43

I've had to name-change for this for reasons I'm sure you'll understand.

PLEASE don't use the disabled loos. Really, don't. I have a disability and one of the associated problems is I have poor bladder/bowel control.

So please just imagine for one minute what it's like having an accident when out. Then finding someone in the disabled loos. Having to go into a normal loo to try to sort myself out is hell. Imagine slumped against the toilet wall with cheeks burning with shame and embarrassment, tears rolling down your face. Imagine trying to get in some kind of state to get yourself home without further humiliation. Go on IMAGINE IT.

If I can get access to the disabled loo it makes things so much easier. It's a private space meaning I don't feel so panicked. There's a sink and hand drier there to help me get 'fixed' as much as possible.

So even if just once you save someone from this panic and upset then isn't it worth having to figure out how to use the normal ladies loos and keep an eye on your pram at the same time?

Do you want to use the disabled loos next time knowing that someone may have come along and really NEEDED it and had to go elsewhere? I'm sure it wouldn't happened often at all but do you want to take the chance that the one time you've done it someone else in need couldn't?

LucyEllensmummy · 11/02/2009 11:07

Embarrased, thankyou for posting that - I have to say that this has never crossed my mind before. I have often used the disabled toilet, even without DD with me, if there is a queue - thinking, well, its ok because people who are disabled can wait, they just need more space. I wont use the disabled toilet again now!

Interestingly though - A lot of establishments put their baby change facilities in the disabled toilets! They clearly haven't thought it through either.

scaredoflove · 11/02/2009 11:09

This is another prime example to show how people with disabilities are disregarded in our society

Disabled facilities - one little luxury (basic human right?), enabling a person with a disability to remain with dignity intact is being disregarded by the main population

Don't you people realise that these little things are what makes living with disabilities so hard? Tiny little changes make such a difference but they are being taken away by selfish stupid people

To buy a RADAR key is disgusting, I wish my daughter didn't need one and would happily use a normal cubicle and did before daughter.

No one is going to take your child in a buggy, I don't think it has happened before. Or how about you WALK to the nearest loo that does have a changing table and is for famillies???

LEAVE OUR LOOS ALONE

spicemonster · 11/02/2009 11:09

I can't believe all the people on here who really struggle don't make a huge fuss about the number of disabled loos that double as baby changing rooms. That's really bad.