to think that a lot of parents mistake a confident outgoing toddler for a bully?

[2pt4kids]

I've seen this a few times before, but today just takes the biscuit and I'm having a bit of a rant!

Ds1 is 3.4 yrs old. He could never be described as shy! He is very outgoing and will talk to anyone.
He is at the age where he just LOVES playing with other children. Of course I play with him, but when we are out at play places he just really wants to play with the other children.

Today at a soft play place (a very small local one, all on one level) he was off playing. I was in the netted off baby section with DS2.
I could see DS1 at all times and hear him most of the time.
First of all he was on the slide with another little boy a bit younger than him. DS1 obviously thought they were playing 'together'. The other boy wanders off and DS1 follows him and starts chatting to him. The other boy seems a bit shy, looks a bit unsure and goes off to another section with his Mum. DS1 follows again and chats to the boy asking him if he wants to come on the slide with him. The boy turns to go back to his Mum instead in a shy way and in doing so slips over then cries.
I could hear DS1 saying in such a sweet voice 'You ok? Did you hurt your leg?' and trying to see why the boy was crying. The boys Mum just glared a DS1 and turned her back to him picking up her son.
She then walked away and Ds1 started to follow her so she snapped at him 'For Gods Sake just leave him alone!'
She threw me a glare too as if to say 'why arent you keeping your child in check?'

I didnt say anything as she was very pregnant and I didnt want to start an argument tbh. Ds1 wasnt upset, it all went over his head so I just left it, but it breaks my heart to see poor DS1 so glared at for just wanting a friend

After that I saw DS go up to two other children with parents with them and ask them if they wanted to play with him. Both parents just looked at him like he was being really intrusive and herded their DCs away.
I did go up to one of them and say 'is something wrong, I saw my DS approach you, did he misbehave?' and they said 'No, its fine, my son is just a bit scared of older children and a bit shy'

Why on earth cant an adult just say to a 3 year old 'I'm sorry, my DS doesnt want to play today, he's a bit shy' instead of glaring at him!!!

Is this normal? Is my DS not normal? Why do people seem to hate that he approaches other children?

AIBU to let him do this?
Should I tell him off for trying to make friends?

It makes me soooo mad

queenofbeas - not surprised you haven't met many shy children. You sound really scary. I bet they run a mile when they see you coming, poor little things.

I can't understand how anybody can be so judgey of 3 yo children. Get a grip. They are all still learning, whether they be quiet or loud, shy or confident - they just have to learn different things.

As for me being PFBish - the clues in the the title I gave my son, DS2. Not PFB at all. I just understand my child and I know that he needs to be allowed to do things at his pace. I will repeat again (deep sigh) that he is taught to be polite but forcing him to play with other children when he isn't ready is not very nice.

Dandylioness - Good post.

Queenofbeas, you sound vile.

Actually queenofbeas do you even have children?

I see no mention of your own situation on this thread (apologies if I missed one of your posts where you mention your children but I have looked). You failed to answer my query about whether your socialable child was a PFB.

I wondering if you even have any children since you don't seem to understand that all children are different and you can't MAKE them sociable if they don't want to be.

Which is entirely different from teaching them manners of course.

queenofbeas, this is the second thread I've seen you on where you are behaving like a wind-up merchant. Are you doing it deliberately?

All three of mine were shy between ages 1 (the girls)/4 (the boy) and about 7. They do eventually grow out of it. Not one of the three shy now at 11, 13 and 15. I think it depends on how they are treated by the world at large and how they are taught to deal with situations.

OP- The mum of that shy little boy may be very shy herself and unsure about how to deal with people, and therefore not sure how to deal with your assertive (and lovely sounding) little boy. Maybe she needs befriending as well, if you ever see her again in the park? My (very outgoing, sunny) friend has always befriended shy looking mums, and has brought many back from the brink of depression by simply talking to them first, before they sank into total isolation.

Bet queenofbeasts throws eggs at old-people-bungalows to punish them for being shy.

my son is shy not becuse i hide him behind my skirts , or i wnt him clinging to me 24/7 its because he struggles to interact because he does not talk so cant say shove or leave me alone , but i take him to the play areas to let of steam and to increase his pyscial skills not his sociaal skils

and i hve 3 more dc 1 quiter prefers own company or select few and 2 others tht are outgoing and loud, each and every child is difernt

Shy is not rude .What a ridiculous idea .Are mutes rude too ?