to wonder how women can have kids under five and still manage to look good?

[fufflebum]

I feel frumpy today. Anyone else?

Have a four year old and a nearly one year old.

AIBU to wonder how other women seem to manage to put on makeup and buy good fitting clothes???

I manage a shower and hairwash every morning but makeup and new clothes an impossibility.....!!!

Any tips?

I don't think it's really about having/not having time. It's about putting yourself first for a few mins and making time. When I do I feel loads better about myself, but very often don't.

i agree with both sides of this in part- i have four children under ten, and i am a single mum, yet i manage to wear nice jeans and boots, with a long sleeved, fitted top. my makeup routine consists of moisturiser, concealer, powder, mascara and lip balm. i dont get up before my kids to do this however- ds2 (sn) is usually up around 4.45am so to be up before him to get ready would pretty much involve not going to bed at all. however, he can sit and watch cartoons whilst i get ready before the other three get up about 8 am. i dont however feel the need to shower every day- every other day is sufficient and luckily i only need to wash my hair once a week. it is long, layered, wavy and very very thick so dont need to worry about straightening or anything like that- just brush and go. i do look decent most of the time, and very rarely wear trackies- in fact i only own 1 pair which i am currently wearing as have been out in the snow and they are warmer than jeans.oh, and i have just sat and painted my nails whilst mn'ing.

balloonslayer DD was born at the beginning of december and DH was there only because it was his day off. the first few weeks it was just me and DD. no i haven't experienced life with multiple children and i know that i am new to being a mother, however i have 3 friends who have and in discussing this thread with them, they agree me.

peachface its a shame your midwife thinks that by getting dressed you are somehow incapable of relaxing. i'm also not saying that grooming has to be in the morning before school run. my hour and half includes exercising, making the bed, getting coffee on for DH and I, getting myself showered and blow dried and making breakfast and is done first thing in the morning because that's how it all fits in right now so i can focus my attention on DD the rest of the day. as she gets older and more children are added to the equation, i know that i will have to re-organize my time.

thepg sorry that you had a rough time after your birth. it sounds awful. in my post you are citing, i was only making a point that even after birth, i still took a shower and did my dishes when DD was asleep because i was fully capable of doing so (i know not everyone can) and i wasn't about to sit around moaning about having just given birth and not being able to do it. likewise with my everyday. i'm not going to sit around and moan that because i have kids, i no longer have time for myself because that is a crock of shit.

i find the time in my day to spend time on myself because it makes me feel good and that has a trickle down effect on my family. i'm fully aware that i'm afforded lots of time right now due to DD's age.

chefswife, I suggest you keep these posts for posterity and re-read them when you dc(s) are older, mobile and verbal.

As a working mother of 2 dcs 5 and 2 (all of whom need to be dressed and out of house by 8 for work/school/nursery), for whom grooming is all in a day's work and 'sitting around and moaning' and 'bad time management' is not an option, I suspect you will be a bit humbler and less arrogant when you have actually walked the talk.

And I have a dh and aupair to help me out. To be brutal, you have no clue.

recently started wearing make up and doing my hair as have been ill and i need to look less rough. have 3.7 year old and 10 month old. it's not so much about making the time as having the energy to multi task, for me.

i get showewred/dressed and straighten the top floor of the house for 30 mins while dh ups the kids and starts them and the kitchen off. i finish that off while having a coffee, (help) get them dressed upstairs on the first floor where toys books tv are. then i plonk wherever they are and do make up with an eye on them, ds1 tells me i am lovely like an angel at this point which tbh makes me want to gag a bit, think his dad was winding me up teaching him this. i keep my make up hidden high on bookshelves etc and have a large hand mirror so i can do it wherever.

back downstairs for ds1's second breakfast, loading up for going out. i dry my hair last thing in the dining area. as it is usually just damp then, tis quick. so it's quick, but gives me that nice swishy feel. let ds1 play with hairdryer. teeth in downstairs loo and out we go.

the clothes shopping is a bit more of a pina. i tend to eyeball the websites of shops i like in the evenings before a shop trip. then i'll have 5-6 hours 3-4 saturdays a year and hit the places i'm interested in like a fierce clothes reaping machine, trying stuff on blah blah blah. luckily (?) live very close to oxford street, so can cover much choice quickly. i find it a tedious chore, tbh, being so focused so i do snatch every hour i can to browse if we're somewhere different. like ds1 wants to eat an ice creeam for a treat if we're up in ally pally, then i'll nip round the boutique-y places in muswell hill.

kind of works out ok overall. cheaper for sure, shopping in batches. makes me think carefully want versus need.

long as i don't get distracted on my endless quest for boys clothes with colour and no logos.... ok, end wittering.

chefswife - I do agree with you on one thing and that's that I was a lot more relaxed being dressed for when my midwife turned up than when I was hanging loose in my nightie and feeling all over the place! That was 18mths ago though now. I'm not the prioirty in my household but that's not me being a martyr, that's the practicalities of being a mum of 2 busy boys! I agree with other posters that your priorities will drastically change as your dc gets older esp if you have any further dcs along the way. I'm all for keeping time for being yourself but think everyone reaches a point where they no longer come first - that's what being a parent is about and if any mum thinks of herself as no 1 even after having children, then something is slightly amiss methinks....just my personal opinion!

I think what can happen with threads like this is that there is always someone who will vehemently argue that none of the advice applies to them because they have xxxxx problem, and also yyyyy problem and then probably zzzzz problem...

Frankly, and I'll probably get shot down in flames for this, the % of women who are single parents (i.e. no partner to take charge for 20 mins while Mummy showers) of children who have severe enough special needs to be left alone is really small.

The VAST majority of women have partners who can do their bit. (someone will of course jump in and tell me they don't)

the VAST majority of women have children who sleep to around 7am ish (of course, someone will have a child who gets up before they go to bed etc)

The Majority of women who have a child who is not a newborn are not actually up all night - maybe once, but not up all night every night

The vast majority of women have children who can be left fot 10 minutes in a safe room with the doors open on a baby gym/bouncy seat/play pen/SOMETHING with cbeebies or a dvd on

Even if your baby cannot be left now, they will probably be able to be left in 2 weeks time...what I've seen happening is the "I can't leave him to watch the TV" meaning that this is then written off for the next 10 years - maybe you can't leave him this week, but maybe in 3 weeks time developmentally he'll have changed enough to allow you to do so...

The VAST majority of women, if they get up before their children (which they CAN do - we'd all prefer a nice warm bed, but its about priorities) can have a decent shower, wash their hair, dry their hair, put on make up and get dressed - and it takes just as long to put on nice clothes as scuzzy clothes.

Sometimes yes, you need to forego sitting down in a comatose state with that first cup of tea or whatever - because that can add half an hour onto how long it takes - you have to adapt - no-one has ever actually died of lack of "first cup of tea in the morning" - promise yourself you can have it while the children have their breakfast once you are up and running.

But I still contend that the vast majority of women can do it.

I have 2 children, a 2 year old and a (just) 5 year old, I have a Dh who works away all week in a different country, I get up at 6:45 every morning and I always have a shower, wash and blow dry my hair, do my make up and wear nice clothes. If either of my children are up before I'm finished at 7:25 they either sit in my bed and talk to me, or nip downstairs and watch 10 minutes of TV....I then can get them both dressed, and breakfasted, and then we are out to go to preschool at 8:25.

I think the best tip I have read on this thread was someone said they have 'uniforms' ready hung in their wardrobe, trousers/top/cardi/ scarf...several of them just ready to go. Love that tip.

God some of you are so smug. I would rather stay in bed, plain and simple or have a nice cup of tea. So you spen 40 minutes getting ready and I'll stay in bed and we'll both be happy. BTW it does'nt take long for me to look good.

Thats fine Queenofbeas...thats a choice..

The issue is with people who either

• are beginning to have big self esteem issues about feeling frumpy or unorganised and its having self conciousness issues and making them feel inadequete..

or

• people who feel that for women to have nice clothes, clean hair and make up, that they must be somehow inadequete parents who are so self centered that they are spending time on themselves rather than looking after their children.

Yes you are right it is about choice, what I object to is, I do it so every woman can. I don't actually want to. I look good and feel good, it can be done without getting up early extra early every morning, you don't get extra brownie points for this. TBH I have friends who get up and put make up on and still look pretty crap.

Chefs wife -PMSL. Ignorance is bliss.

I'm not looking for extra brownie points...I don't think I'm better than anyone and I don't judge how anyone else looks...

What I'm saying, the the OP and others who have questioned it throughout the thread is "It IS possible to do it, you don't need to be superwoman, here is what I do"..

its not compulsory, but there ARE women on this thread who WANT to get up in the morning, shower wash their hair and wear nice clothes - They want to do it...

i don't think its to do wiht TIME. I think post natally you have to wear clothes that wash( vomit) easily and tbh you arent so sure who you are any more. Also for many maternity leave is very £££ and then you go back to work TIRED and strained.

BS - yes that is what i do - it just does'nt take me that long. I always shower, wash my hair and wear nice clothes etc.

Sorry but i agree with chefswife here.
I am single parent, and I know for a fact that even without a partner to take over like chefswife has, a few minutes to do your hair and put a bit of make up on is not hard.
I do mine while kids eat breakfast, but even when babies/toddlers, there is time.

I reckon those saying they cannot even spare a couple of minutes, are raising children who will end up unbelievably self obsessed.

Its ok not to wear makeup and only wear jeans and a teeshirt, it dosent make you a slut.
Its ok to wear fitted, coordinating clothes and make up. It doesnt make you a self obsessed air head.

If you didnt wear makeup and follow fashion before you had kids you are not likely to suddenly know how to apply it and what to wear after you have kids.

I like clothes, I like makeup, I love all that girly stuff and always have done.

I put on makeup because it makes me feel better. I have always dressed in a certain way and worn makeup. I did thoughout my DD's illness for e.g. Not because I though my slap was more important than her medication, but because thats what I had always done. I have it down to a fine art because I have been doing it for 25 years! Its being a bit hard on yourself to expect to throw on a face when youve got kids hanging off you at 6am.

I would never judge a mum for not doing what I do and I hate it when I get the 'who does she think she is, the queen of sheba' look.

It does take a bit of effort but you have to enjoy it or whats the point?
BTW I am not the sort to stay indoors unless i have a full face on. I even have four (yes four) velour tracksuits.

I was relying chefswife homebirth comment to a friend (due in 3 weeks) today and the more I think about it the more angry I get. The comment was given for no other reason than to say 'I could do it, why shouldn't you' and it pisses me off that this is the yardstick against which I should be measured. In fact I distinctly remember my midwife saying to us at antenatal classes 'If in the first week I come round and you are done up in make up I'm going to be more worried about you than if I find you still in bed at 1pm'. Mothers with newborns should be allowed to stay in bed, and comments like chefswife's create unrealistic expectations. No matter what you think chefswifes to make that comment on this thread when no one is talking about births etc is just smug and self satisfied.

I agree that some mother's just can't see when they could create spare time in their lives but for the most part people are dealing with many tasks, several children, jobs etc. and sometimes putting on makeup just isn't a priority. What a shame we are judged for that by other mothers. I don't need advice on time management by someone with a 2 month old baby with a DH around for 2 hours in the morning.

And here's another thing to those of you being rude and judgey - I sometimes don't shower ever day. And you know what, the world didn't end and I am not a social pariah

Maybe we could start a thread with all the people who can't find the time to go clothes shopping without toddlers in tow. You could take it in turns to have each others DCs in the park while the other parent gets to go round the nearby shops.

Ha Ha BumpberL,

If I had ten minutes I would rather put some slap on than have a shower. Now that makes me a slut AND an airhead

Is there nothing women will NOT judge each other on? sigh.

From another angle.
Some of the mums I know who look the most perfect are those that are dealing with tons of stuff. They are carers for their disabled kids and have loads of other stuff going on, or the mums I knew on the ward. I think I made even more of an effort when DD was ill.

Its a sort of defence thing. If you 'let yourself go' then your world will descend into chaos.

Now i dont mind not wearing makeup and pulling on a trackie to drop kids off but when DD was ill I always wore MU and dressed smart. I used to put the slap on on the way to hospital at 6am - MAD.

I am going to sound sappy but what the hell, no one should feel bad for being who they are.

thepg i wake up every morning and smell the coffee and well, it would appear that my reality is one hell of a lot easier and calmer than yours.

peachface i am beginning to think that in north america it is more acceptable and valued that mom comes first to herself and that does not make her self absorb.

bumper i was not saying 'if i could do it...'. i was saying that i would rather get up and clean myself up because it makes me feel good and that i did it after giving birth which is exhausting, (something we've all experienced here) and that i wasn't one to whine about. just got on with it.

Great post Bumper! I think a lot of the comments on this thread have been pretty insensitive, and there will always be competitive women who need to feel better than others, whether it is because they have cleaned the house within 1/2 an hour of having a drug free birth, with full makeup on, or some other bizarre way of outdoing other mummies.

Chefswife If you are going to continue your inane comments, please could you learn to use capital letters? Reading lower case all the time gives me a headache. Thanking you in advance.