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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask my DH to babysit?

122 replies

Frasersmum123 · 28/01/2009 10:51

I never ever go out without one of my children, and as I am a SAHM I really dont mind this, but things have been difficult lately and with two babies all day, and DS2 being really hard work sometimes I would love some 'me' time.

I got some vouchers for Christmas, and would really love to go on a shopping trip without anyone moaning about going in another clothes shop, they are bored/tired/hungry.

So I asked DH if he would look after them on Saturday morning for a couple of hours, and his exact reaction was 'what all of them, cant you take one with you?'

He then proceeded to ask me if I mind if he goes out on saturday night!!!!

Am I being unreasonable? Our children are 7, 23 months and 4 months?

OP posts:
themoon66 · 28/01/2009 10:52

You must know that you are not being the slightest bit unreasonable.

I don't get this 'babysitting' by children's own fathers.

ComeOVeneer · 28/01/2009 10:52

I wouldn't ask tbh. Just tell him you are going out shopping, you are most certainly entitled to some time on your own. Remind him they are his children too.

mumeeee · 28/01/2009 10:53

YANBU. They are his children as well as yours and he should be able to look after all of them.

BlameItOnTheBogey · 28/01/2009 10:53

YOu know that YANBU really don't you?

Tell him that of course he can go out on Sat night, as long as you can go out during the day. YOu will take one child with you during the day, if he does likewise in the evening

ComeOVeneer · 28/01/2009 10:53

Exactly themoon66, fathers don't "babysit" they look after their own children. It drives me mad when I am out and people ask if dh is babysitting

RubyRioja · 28/01/2009 10:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moopymoo · 28/01/2009 10:54

you are def. not being unreasonable. tell him its fine if he goes out on saturday - then next weekend you are going shopping saturday day and then staying at a friends house or something. really, dad looking after his children is not ba babysitting - its part of the deal.

Tortington · 28/01/2009 10:55

"i'm going out shopping saturday"

statement.

wtf is this asking permission bollocks

are you in the 1950's

light tone
"i am going out shopping, look after them darling, be back at 3"

MmeLindt · 28/01/2009 10:55

He is a parent, not a babysitter. Unless you are paying him the going rate.

In which case you should get the same rate for the rest of the week that you "babysit"

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 28/01/2009 10:56

Well yes you are BU to ask him to babysit. Unless you are in the habit of paying him to look after his own children?

YANBU to go out and leave the children with their father though, if he kicks up a fuss about tell him you won't go if he doesn't think he can cope.

And then 'pop to the shop for some milk'

choccyp1g · 28/01/2009 10:56

He's the one being unreasonable. He needs reminding that they are his children too. However, I'd vote for taking the 4 months one, as you might be able to time it so s/he sleeps in the pram. No way do you want a 7yo whinging round clothes shops with you.

Original poster
Frasersmum123 · 28/01/2009 10:56

Thanks everyone, I do know that he should be okay looking after them, but I do feel a bit bad that he has them all and I have none.

OP posts:
Tortington · 28/01/2009 10:57

why

choccyp1g · 28/01/2009 10:57

You can see I am a dreadful compromiser - stick to your guns. Just get up early and GO

choccyp1g · 28/01/2009 10:58

Suggest he takes one to work with him.

Sidge · 28/01/2009 10:58

They're his children too. It's not babysitting, it's called parenting.

Swan off with your vouchers and have fun. I bet he doesn't feel remotely bad that you have all 3 all week and he has none!

ClementFreudsGreatestAdmirer · 28/01/2009 10:59

show him this thread too. Of course you need time alone - it's vital! Day time at weekends or evening - i recommend getting a weekly evening commitment for yourself - choir, evening class, cinema with friend, whatever - so he begins to realise that your children are just as much his responsibility as yours. good luck. be confident in yourself - don't doubt that this is what everyone else is doing.

MmeLindt · 28/01/2009 11:00

You have them all the rest of the week. Work it out.

7 days @ 24 hours = 168 hours

You look after them 164 hours, probably about 50 hours of that alone.

He has them for 4 hours

Sounds like a good deal for me

OhBling · 28/01/2009 11:04

aaarrrrgggghhhhh. And the longer he goes on without ever having to look after all three of them at the same time, the more likely it is that he will never learn. FGS, this drives me absolutely crazy. They are his children. While I appreciate that clearly you are a goddess of epic proportions, surely he doesn't think that you are the only person on the planet who can look after three children at once?

I'd be tempted to make a sarcastic remark along the lines of "It's lovely that you think I am so much better than you at the important things but I think you should learn these skills".

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 28/01/2009 11:09

He's not babysitting and until you both get that word out of your heads, he's going to feel like he's doing you a bloody favour!!

Do you ever have all of the children on your own? Is that a problem? No. Didn't think so.

Show him this thread.

OI! THEY'RE YOUR KIDS. PULL YOUR SOCKS UP, YOU TWIT!

troutpout · 28/01/2009 11:28

yes yabu....because it wouldn't even occur to me to ask my husband if he minded looking after his own children

Desist at once from blardy feeling like he is doing you a favour !! Do not let him for a second think that he is.

You say something like...'i need to pop out shopping on Saturday morning...so you'll need to be here to look after the kids'

quit this 'babysitting' malarky...he is simply doing what you do every day.

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 28/01/2009 11:31

I must admit we do sometimes call it "baby-sitting" - but in the context of one of us taking an extra turn so the other one can go out, the operative phrase being "taking a turn". And that's with one baby! Three must do your head in all of the time. Leave him to take care of them and have an afternoon out - you've warned him so he can make himself comfortable (junk food, DVDs, good book, whatever) so off you go!

PS We both work, so that "I've had a hard week" nonsense doesn't come into it. Kids ARE hard work and it's work that has to be shared - deal with it.

PPS I am a man.

OhBling · 28/01/2009 11:32

It's not unreasonable for you to negotiate with him on a good time though - eg, I need to do some kid free shopping so would you prefer to look after the children on Saturday morning or in the afternoon? I don't think insisting that he do something at a set time will help things. [assuming of course that he doesn't insist that you do the washing on tuesdays at lunch time or that you have dinner ready for him by no later than 7:15 every evening in which case he deserves everything you can throw at him! ]

compo · 28/01/2009 11:32

well you will have them all Saturday night when he goes out?!!
tell him if you can't go alone he can't go out sat night

Original poster
Frasersmum123 · 28/01/2009 11:34

Thanks everyone - though I do feel a bit of a wimp now!

I will speak to him tonight - either tah or I will totally wimp out and go on Friday with DD when DS is at Playschool

OP posts: