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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask my DH to babysit?

122 replies

Frasersmum123 · 28/01/2009 10:51

I never ever go out without one of my children, and as I am a SAHM I really dont mind this, but things have been difficult lately and with two babies all day, and DS2 being really hard work sometimes I would love some 'me' time.

I got some vouchers for Christmas, and would really love to go on a shopping trip without anyone moaning about going in another clothes shop, they are bored/tired/hungry.

So I asked DH if he would look after them on Saturday morning for a couple of hours, and his exact reaction was 'what all of them, cant you take one with you?'

He then proceeded to ask me if I mind if he goes out on saturday night!!!!

Am I being unreasonable? Our children are 7, 23 months and 4 months?

OP posts:
Soph73 · 28/01/2009 16:39

LOL at Hecate and her "nice pair of rounded, wrinkly, slightly hairy earings!"

LyraSilvertongue · 28/01/2009 16:40

"So so all your DH's take the children our places without you"

Yes, of course, like most dads. If they want to go out to the park for a couple of hours and I don't fancy it he takes them on his own and I'll stay home and have a soak in the bath.
Also I used to work every Saturday so for years he's had the two boys on his own one day a week.

Bubbaluv · 28/01/2009 16:56

I'm so shocked by this - he sounds like a horrible person!
"he will retort back that I wanted the three children blah blah blah"
OMG! Does he say that in front of the children? I'd be out the door (permanently) if I were the OP. Doesn't sound like it would make much difference to her work load!
If the children are your "job" then surely you get weekends just like he does in his job? He's not a bloody sperm donor, he's supposed to be a Dad!

ohdearwhatamess · 28/01/2009 17:06

What an awful role model he is for your children.

AnyFucker · 28/01/2009 17:53

frasersmum, are you still there ?

I think you have a resounding opinion he is BU (quite rare on MN !)

PeachyBAHonsPRSCertOnRequest · 28/01/2009 17:54

Oh here we go again

Go hecate

Hecate is a lightweight, by her formua I have 337.89 children

Is your DH supposed to be a Dad or a sperm donor? If my dopey as feck Dh can mange our kids I am sure yours can!

PeachyBAHonsPRSCertOnRequest · 28/01/2009 17:59

Oh DH says

If it wwas you who chose to have the kids:

'Don't you hate those women who forcibly wank their dh's in their sleep in order to steal the sperm then conceal the pregnancy and birth of the child until they need a babysitter'

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 28/01/2009 18:21

lightweight indeed.

wheresthehamster · 28/01/2009 18:27

Lol Peachy's dh!

This thread reminds me of SIL who had to work Saturday nights when her 3 dcs were young and had to get a babysitter in because her dh refused to look after them on his own!! AND she had the nerve to criticise OUR parenting!

muppetgirl · 28/01/2009 18:29

Can I just add (might have been said already, apologies if it has and I shall beat myself about the head if needs be...)

By asking his permission in the first place you are giving him the option, and letting him know there is an option, of saying no. He knows you'll cave (you have before haven't you so much you don't even ask now...) so that's why he said what he did. You need to tell him of your plans and should you feel the need to justify explain why. He should be more understanding but if it's not been expected in the past then he's only taking advantage of a set situation however consciously or unconsciously.

I am rooting for you....

Original poster
Frasersmum123 · 28/01/2009 20:33

I am here - just hiding behind the sofa feeling like the biggest doormat!

OP posts:
TheBurnsifiedEffect · 28/01/2009 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

moondog · 28/01/2009 20:43

Frasersmum, tell us what you are thinkinn g and doing.

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 28/01/2009 20:45

I HATE when fathers use the "babysitting" line.

I work full time, as does DH. He works away during the weeks a lot of the time so we try to spend weekends together, but he will look after her while I go out, in the same way that I would look after her when she goes out. When he's home, we do alternative nights taking her to bed and doing the nighttime routine.

We're both her parents.

Original poster
Frasersmum123 · 28/01/2009 20:49

I suppose I have just realised how one sided our childcare arrangements are, and because I do it every day I never thought it was wierd, but now all of you are telling me how different you all do it, I can see how one-sided it is, and how much I could have enjoyed.

Oh, and DH has been offered a new job which means 6 weeks residential training in london from Monday morning to Friday evening, so I am going to be even more on my own.

OP posts:
choccyp1g · 28/01/2009 20:50

HOurs later, I come back to apolgise for the "get up early and GO", you're probably up at the crack of doom every Saturday, while DH rests after "a hard week's work". What I meant was don't hang about waiting for his permission, just dash out on Sat am, before he sneaks off out himself.

moondog · 28/01/2009 20:50

All the more reason to pack in a bit of time off.
Do oyu have concerns about him generally or is he ok with other aspects of father/husbandhood?

GColdtimer · 28/01/2009 20:51

bless you, you really need to have an honest conversation with him about this frasersmummy. And if he is going away, evenmore reason for you to have some time to yourself this weekend.

GColdtimer · 28/01/2009 20:52

sorry, frasersmum

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 28/01/2009 20:53

Saturday I get to lie in - DH gets up with DD, gives her breakfast, gets her ready, plays with her, keeps the house tidy. I lie in sometimes until 10:30/11:00!

Sundays DH gets the lie in - I get up, get DD ready, go shopping and have brekkie in the cafe at Asda or Morrisons, bring the shopping back and get DH up to unpack

cory · 28/01/2009 20:57

I think your arrangements are unusually one-sided, Frasersmum.

I certainly would expect dh to be able to cope with his children and he regularly does so. In fact, I travel to conferences from time to time, staying away for several days on end and have done so ever since my eldest was a baby. I view dh as a sort of extension of myself; I know that they will be just as well looked after when with him (and probably safer, as he's done first aid training).

When dd was little, dh and I used to share the babycare: I went to work part-time and he stayed at home.

My brothers live in Sweden where part of the (very generous) parental leave is earmarked for the Dads: if they don't take it, the family doesn't get it. The assumption being that men can and should look after their children.

GColdtimer · 28/01/2009 20:58

I had an accident on Boxing Day and had to stay in hospital for a week and have been fairly out of action since. Admittedly I only have one DC, but DH coped brilliantly and just got on with it, surprising everyone at just how well he coped. In fact, I felt a bit redundant when I got home. The important thing is, he reaslied how hard it can be at times and has a whole new insight into what I actually do all day. It has done us all the world of good and I think your DH needs to learn a similar lesson (not that I am wishing a stay in hospital on you of course

Carbonel · 28/01/2009 21:14

LOL

my retort to his request to go out on Saturday night would be "cant you take one with you?"

Seriouslt tho I agree with everyone else - he needs to get real and start parenting his children before he misses out on the really fun stuff and finds himself pitchforked into the teenage years (not that I am saying teenage years are not fun - not there yet so have no experience just all the horror stories ...)

FlowChart · 28/01/2009 21:18

I "never, ever go out without one of my children". As a "SAHM I don't really mind this"
"I would love some "me" time".
A recipe for problems, methinks. Not my words. These are the words of the OP. If you extract them from the post, the potential problems are glaring.
YANBU. How dare he make you feel you have to ask for permission to go out by yourself. Rude, lazy, inconsiderate shit, is what I would say.
And, this wuss who objects to looking after his children so his exhausted DP can have just one day by herself wants payment in a Saturday Night Out. Silly little immature boy, is what I would say.
Nuff said.
I await repercussions.

muppetgirl · 28/01/2009 21:43

WOuld like to add a note of caution though. I wouldn;t go steaming in with full on outrage at your dh. You and he have arrived at this situation and by your not complaining before (you may not have wanted to to until posting here ) you have sent messeages that all is fine with how you split childcare/give each other a break.

I would have a chat before dh starts his new job though as that is going to be tough on you whilst he appears to get a 'holiday' from family responsibilities. (I know he's not but he won't have any childcare issues at all and you'll be doing everything)

Write your points out, try to think of solutions and maybe even print this thread out so he can see you're not getting at him, it's a real problem and many others can see your point of view but above all how little he does is actually very unusual.