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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask my DH to babysit?

122 replies

Frasersmum123 · 28/01/2009 10:51

I never ever go out without one of my children, and as I am a SAHM I really dont mind this, but things have been difficult lately and with two babies all day, and DS2 being really hard work sometimes I would love some 'me' time.

I got some vouchers for Christmas, and would really love to go on a shopping trip without anyone moaning about going in another clothes shop, they are bored/tired/hungry.

So I asked DH if he would look after them on Saturday morning for a couple of hours, and his exact reaction was 'what all of them, cant you take one with you?'

He then proceeded to ask me if I mind if he goes out on saturday night!!!!

Am I being unreasonable? Our children are 7, 23 months and 4 months?

OP posts:
kickassangel · 28/01/2009 14:15

treat him as an equal. if you're not allowed out without one of them , neither is he. which one would he like to take to work? out on sat night? on his next trip away?
fair's fair

littlerach · 28/01/2009 14:17

Yes, dh often takes both dds out at the weekend so I can do coursework MN

And he takes them swimming when nagged by them.

And ot the supermarket if needed at the weekend.

MarlaSinger · 28/01/2009 14:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Frasersmum123 · 28/01/2009 14:33

Arrogance - he doesnt see why he should have to as this is my 'job', and if I say anything he will retort back that I wanted the three children blah blah blah

OP posts:
Lancelot · 28/01/2009 14:37

Hmm. I also have a lovely, bright, capable friend who phoned to say she couldn't make it to a girlie night out because her DH was refusing to have all three of their kids at once.

My DH overheard and said (loudly!) 'Tell Dave to bung 'em in their pyjamas and leave them with me instead then. Wimp.'

Luckily for his sanity, her DH was shamed into keeping his own three kids rather than leaving mine with all six.

WibblyPigRocks · 28/01/2009 14:41

I'm afraid I haven't read this entire thread so might be repeating another post by saying: YANBU - when a DH 'babysits', it's not called 'babysitting', it's called 'parenting'.

BTW, Lancelot - well done to your DH - your post made me laugh!!

Soph73 · 28/01/2009 14:42

So, what happened then, you pinned him down & forced him to have sex with you because you were the one that wanted children & he didn't

Fortunately I'm blessed with a DH who does an equal share in the parenting of DS1 & 2 and DS2 has Down's Syndrome. We (sort of) equally share the household chores, he will take both of them out by himself & he regularly "babysits" while I have girly nights out in restaurants and stay overnight with a girlfriend. He also has his own social life. It's incredibly important that both of you do things just for you. He wouldn't expect me to take the children out with me if I was going out with friends/hairdressers/shopping & I don't expect him to take them with him when he goes out.

We also both work full-time so it's a must to share all the other responsibilities equally. Even when I stayed at home for 3 years with DS1 he did his fair share.

Be strong, put your foot down, give him a kick up the arse & make sure you do things solely for yourself more often. Best of luck

MadamDeathstare · 28/01/2009 14:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhBling · 28/01/2009 14:51

It's your job?!? FFS. Yes, it's your job between 8 am and 18:00 Monday to Friday, or whatever his/your hours are. The rest of the time, it is the two of you taking equal responsibility for your children.

So, if you said, "I want to go shopping and have told DH he has to come home three hours early from work to look after them" then yes, YABU. But, in this case? tell him that when he starts spending 24/7 at the office, you'll do the same with the children.

OhBling · 28/01/2009 14:52

Oh, and if DP did not take the DCs by himself on a regular basis, I personally would leave him. I didn't sign up for a relationship where I'm the full time mum and general household slave while he swans around living a life.

clumsymum · 28/01/2009 14:53

"Arrogance - he doesnt see why he should have to as this is my 'job', and if I say anything he will retort back that I wanted the three children blah blah blah "

I am amazed.

Tell me, would your dh do 'his job' 24 hours, 7 days per week, 52 weeks per year, without a lunch break, trips to Amsterdam etc. etc.

Go on then, how often has he got in the night to a crying child? I bet he isn't a great nappy changer either?

It strikes me that you need to sit this guy down and point out a few facts of real life. Oh and show him this thread. Real men recognise their role as parents as well as breadwinners.

I'm a bit sorry for you, but blimey woman, how come you have let him get away with this for soooooooo long?

MuppetsMuggle · 28/01/2009 14:59

Sod that
Fairs Fair - DP takes DD (not his biological child) out when he can, entertains her on a sunday morning, when i want a quiet soak in the bath.

We work together,would never consider it babysitting.

AnyFucker · 28/01/2009 15:23

my dh takes our two to sport training twice a week, every week

then various sport competitions at weekends (full day, several times a year)

he looks after them if I fancy a few hours at the shops/visit friends

he never bats an eyelid, when he is home he sees them as both our responsibilty equally

frasersmum, that attitude of your husband's stinks, honestly

littlelyn · 28/01/2009 15:40

Frasermum: does your dh love your 3 children? I'm thinking he does so why is the "job" of parenting them solo for a few hours at the weekend such an awful prospect to him? I'd find it impossible to live with this pig ignorant attitude.

PuppyMonkey · 28/01/2009 15:53

Sounds like your dh needs to wake up and smell the coffee. And so do you too for letting him get away with this for all these years!

Leeza2 · 28/01/2009 15:57

I will think about the evening everyweek when he goes to Badminton,

so why don't you do something similar - go to the gym, a nightclass whatever?

newlysinglemummy · 28/01/2009 16:05

YANBU

you look after 'all three of them' all the time so why cant he???????

Men are soo wrong....

newgirl · 28/01/2009 16:11

yep my dh takes the kids out to tennis and swimming every weekend and i had a weekend away on my own and of course they were all fine

i think everyone i know is the same tbh - my dh often meets his mates at park or pool so the kids can play and have coffee - its no big deal - he likes to see them

good luck it does sound as if you have some big discussions ahead x

PeachyBAHonsPRSCertOnRequest · 28/01/2009 16:13

I don't ask dh to care for the kids

I give him the choice of caring for them or coming with me

he doesn't feel so told and I don't get lumbered

hey ho

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 28/01/2009 16:24

"So so all your DH's take the children our places without you (that is a genuine question!) because mine never would. "

Mine does. Although we only have 2, they both have autism, so I think I can be cheeky and say that equals another one

He is their father. It is as natural for him to take them somewhere as it is for me. I can go for a drive or something and he'll stay with the kids and we don't even mention it in terms of looking after them, I say "I'm going for a drive" he says "ok, drive safely". None of this babysitting shite.

he takes them to the shops (although he does skive out of this if we're skint or strapped for time!! but so would I ) takes them to cinema, for walks, everything. It's called parenting and it's really no big deal.

Men who act like it is, really fuck me off!

But tbh, so do women who pander to that shite instead of making themselves a nice pair of rounded, wrinkly, slightly hairy earings!

OhBling · 28/01/2009 16:29

Go Hecate!

warthog · 28/01/2009 16:32

of COURSE my dh takes the kids places without me!

your dh is acting like a child. actually, my child wouldn't behave that badly.

Divineintervention · 28/01/2009 16:34

I wouldn't ask, just go.

LyraSilvertongue · 28/01/2009 16:34

I don't agree that you should just say 'i'm off out', see you later'. I'd be really angry with DP if he just swanned off at weekends without consulting me.
Weekend time is joint family time and if one of you wants time off, you should negotiate with your partner (same goes for him). Which means you should have as much time off as he does at the weekend. If he's out Saturday night, there's no reason why you shouldn't take Saturday morning.
Remind him that, while the children are 'your job', he only works 5 days a week and so do you. Therefore at the weekends they're your joint responsibility.
And next time he goes off for a weekend with his mates, arrange one for yourself and your mates a few weeks later. How can he complain about that?

Cadmum · 28/01/2009 16:36

It is NOT babysitting if they are his children. It is parenting and he should man up to the challenge. Is your 4 month old BF? If not then NO reason to even consider another alternative. He can just take care of them for a few hours.