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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask my DH to babysit?

122 replies

Frasersmum123 · 28/01/2009 10:51

I never ever go out without one of my children, and as I am a SAHM I really dont mind this, but things have been difficult lately and with two babies all day, and DS2 being really hard work sometimes I would love some 'me' time.

I got some vouchers for Christmas, and would really love to go on a shopping trip without anyone moaning about going in another clothes shop, they are bored/tired/hungry.

So I asked DH if he would look after them on Saturday morning for a couple of hours, and his exact reaction was 'what all of them, cant you take one with you?'

He then proceeded to ask me if I mind if he goes out on saturday night!!!!

Am I being unreasonable? Our children are 7, 23 months and 4 months?

OP posts:
DDraigoch33 · 28/01/2009 11:35

YANBU

fryalot · 28/01/2009 11:39

are you me?

dp normally very good with childcare etc, but if asked to look after all three while I went out, he used to be a bit

I starting saying "I'm off out now, see you in a couple of hours" and left. He found that the worrying about looking after all three was much worse than the actual looking after of all three.

Nowadays he doesn't mind at all if I ask him, and sometimes he actively encourages it.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 28/01/2009 11:40

Nooo fraser mum don't go on friday beacuse of him ( but the shops are quieter then )

He needs to practice just saying ok, especially if he wants a night out, when was the last time you had to me time????

trixymalixy · 28/01/2009 11:41

Don't wimp out!!

I agree with everyone else it's not babysitting, he's their father, it's his job as a parent to look after them.

lizziemun · 28/01/2009 11:52

Don't wimp out.

Tell that you will take one out with you shopping if he will take the other 2 with him when he goes out saturday night. As you are not their only parent and he will do his share once in a while.

newgirl · 28/01/2009 11:56

has it occured to you that they may actually like to do their own thing once in while - they may all really like it - i think its healthy for the kids to be just with dad or just with mum now and then - they do things differently

theresonlyme · 28/01/2009 11:57

YABU to ask him to babysit.

He is their father. He should be looking after them whenever he can.

Trade off - why should he go out alone at night if you can't go out in the day without a child?

Men like this make me so

Original poster
Frasersmum123 · 28/01/2009 12:05

I will be strong!

I will think about the evening everyweek when he goes to Badminton, and the weekend away in Amsterdam, and his Skiing trip that he went on last March.

Oh and the last time I wnt out on my own was the week I found I was expecting DS2, So June 2006 and thats the honest truth!

OP posts:
cory · 28/01/2009 12:08

The other thing you want to think about is- what if you have a serious illness one day, need an operation, a long stay in hospital etc. Do you want him to be running round like a headless chicken, with the stress of his cluelessness adding to the children's stress over the situation?

OhBling · 28/01/2009 12:14

In two and a half years you have had zero time to yourself? My god. You need to fix that. Frankly, he's in the habit of not having to take responsibility for the children so it will be a harder habit to break than it would have been if you'd been leaving him with the DCs from before. But the sooner you start, the sooner you can get on with actually living a life that isn't only about the DCs.

junkcollector · 28/01/2009 12:22

Agree with everyone else. And arrange to have hair cut and meet a friend for lunch so you can't wizz round the shops really quickly and rush back cos you feel guilty, oh and don't take your mobile phone..and have nice time..and relax (that's me, not you)

Klaw · 28/01/2009 12:33

'but I do feel a bit bad that he has them all and I have none.'

Excuse me? you have them all the rest of the time!!

HE is THEIR father FGS. He doesn't 'babysit' either! Friends, grandparents, childminders etc babysit. Parents parent. end of

And whilst you are both parents you are also both human beings and need time to be YOU as well. You need time out, after all he is not aversed to taking time out for himself is he, if he plans to go out at night?

themoon66 · 28/01/2009 12:34

He pissed off to Amsterdam AND a skiing trip, leaving you with all 3 at home, alone???? Then he has the piss-arse cheek to whine that he cannot cope with them for a couple of hours of a saturday morning??? Jeez!

moondog · 28/01/2009 12:34

Jeezuz Christ, what a selfish knob he sounds.
I am fucking appalled.

tootyflooty · 28/01/2009 12:38

what century are we in? I have left all 3 of my dc (that includes twins) since they were two weeks old, I go out 3 nights a week, ( not on the razz!!). My dh has always been fine, although he is very domesticated compared to some of the threads I have read in the past. Even so,you dh is their parent it is a shared responsibility, he needs to get real, it sounds like he has regular me time as it is. Put your foot down.

EsmeWeatherwax · 28/01/2009 12:40

Some men just take the fecking biscuit. Honestly, what a selfish twunt. You are so not being unreasonble it hurts.

Also drives me nuts when people ask if dh is babysitting dd.

pagwatch · 28/01/2009 12:43

Can I just FFS !!!

I have three children. I am a SAHM. My DH occasionally arranges for me to have weekends away so that I get a break from them ( lovely as they are).
They are his children not yours.
Is he completely incompetent or just being a twat.

Dh takes all the children out regularly ( including DS2 with severe SN) BECAUSE HE LOVES THEM !!!

He is being a twat.
And TBH you are letting him.
What exactly is his distant 'they are not my job' parenting teaching your children about being a partner and being in a relationship.

Farkin hell. Send him over here!

clumsymum · 28/01/2009 12:52

This is like my lovely, capable, assertive friend who told me a while ago that her dh had never looked after their 3 children all together on his own, not even for 1/2 an hour.

He seemed scared that he wouldn't cope.

And I didn't understand at all why she didn't say "well, how do you think I do it, what do you think they are going to do? Get over yourself and get on with it man, I'm going out."

pippylongstockings · 28/01/2009 13:33

My MIL call's it 'babysitting' when my DH has the kids because I'm at work!!

It drives me mad!!

That said I am also very bad at getting time to myself - I guess about 4 times a year I have to go away with work and so I feel that is my time to have a nice hotel room , meal and a lie in even if it is work related!

My sister on the other hand is much worse than you - even when she had he DD my mum came over to stay with her DH as he couldn't look after their DS on his own!

cory · 28/01/2009 13:42

My friend is one of these incredibly capable women who just had the household at her fingertips. Her dh, though a nice man and very fond both of the children and of her, never really had to cope with things on his own. She is now dying. He is going to have to cope with the lot with no previous experience. It's not done him any favours.

etchasketch · 28/01/2009 13:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

warthog · 28/01/2009 13:44

their his effing kids too! he should damn well look after them for the whole friggin day saturday!!! jeeezzzz

MarlaSinger · 28/01/2009 13:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Frasersmum123 · 28/01/2009 14:12

So so all your DH's take the children our places without you (that is a genuine question!) because mine never would.

OP posts:
theresonlyme · 28/01/2009 14:13

My DH quite often takes our 3 out at the weekend on his own.