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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that children with autism are seriously misunderstood

121 replies

Reallytired · 26/01/2009 14:49

Yesterday, I had my mum's neighbour telling me about how all autisic chilren (yes, autisic children not children with autism were violent.) Her experiences are all based on one child of a friend of a friend ... blah! blah!

I told her that I thought that was totally unfair and I know some lovely children with autism.

Don't get me wrong, I know very little about autism. I certainly don't understand it, but I know roughly 50 children with moderate to severe autism. They are all individuals with their own personality and its very varied how they are affected. Most of these children are not violent, even if they do have problems that make life hard.

In fact I suspect the children with autism suffer more violence from NT people than people suffer violence from people with autism.

I don't think its fair to make any general assumptions about children with autism. Or any other group of people. Its as daft as saying that all women are bad drivers.

OP posts:

noonki · 26/01/2009 15:02

Unfortuately YANBU and the same could be said with most sn.

Habbibu · 26/01/2009 15:02

Agree - I don't know much about autism at all, but found reading about Temple Grandin in Oliver Sacks' An Anthropologist On Mars really fascinating - I think her ability to express what autism means to her was a real eye-opener for me.

Perhaps just suggest your mum's neighbour does a little wider reading/research/looking around before she opens her trap again?

MaryBS · 26/01/2009 15:03

Would you like me to visit her? I have Asperger's...

weblette · 26/01/2009 15:04

Agree completely with you.

ruty · 26/01/2009 15:06

I think parents of SN children here have to put up with frequent assumptions about their children, from intelligent people. It is pretty poor IMO.

herbietea · 26/01/2009 15:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

thisisyesterday · 26/01/2009 15:08

i suspect you are probably right. in fact I think that many, many conditions are misunderstood. from the top of my head, Down Syndrome which a lot of people still seem to think means you;ll be shut away in an insititute, unable to function.

it's a real shame that nothing is really being done to "normalise" (for want of a better word) all kinds of disabilities. you get the token baby with down synddrome in a soap here or there or whatever, but that's about as far as it goes.

I am shamefully ignorant about many things, autism included. I feel embarassed to ask questions about it in case it's insensitive or just plain rude

BitOfFun · 26/01/2009 15:10

MaryBS- only if you don't bash her over the head for being an idiot

rosie39forever · 26/01/2009 15:11

my dd has autism and is the most sweet and gentle child that i know, in fact people with autism tend to be very introverted, all of the kids with autism that i know are completely non-violent but thanks to people like your mums neighbour the general public dont get to hear about the realities of autism, perhaps she sould get her fact straight and read a few books!!!

MaryBS · 26/01/2009 15:12

Yes, because I'm extremely violent and a menace to society

thisisyesterday · 26/01/2009 15:13

actually, thinking back I have met 2 autistic children, both of whom were in fact pretty violent.

but I would never assume that all autistic children/adults were. in fact, I Know they aren't.

BONKERZ · 26/01/2009 15:27

My Ds has a diagnosis of atypical autism which means he struggles with his emotional and social development and has poor understnading of language despite having a reading age of 10yrs+
I would say my DS has spent the last 2 years being completely misunderstood in school environment and has only started to develop in the last 3 months since being in a specialised school.
My DS can be very aggressive BUT this is when he is having a meltdown which could be for many reasons, My DS does not understand what is happening to him or how to express his feelings/needs etc and gets very anxious which results in huge outbursts. If you saw him in a supermarket displaying this behaviour you would be shocked im sure, he is a big 8 year old and when in a melt down can act like a 2 year old. If you asked questions about this behaviour it would be more understandable, the usual trigger in a supermarket is that its too crowded or too light or too cold and he doesnt know how to deal with these variables and can not acclimatise and therfore expresses himself the only way he knows how which is to kick, scream, spit etc.

mm22bys · 26/01/2009 15:32

They are, and because so many of us think things like autism don't happen to "people like us"!, they don't care, and have no incentive to care either. It's easier to ignore "problem" children, and to go on in blissful ignorance, or to at least blame the parents of said problem children.

The professionals are not much better.

(((Hugs))) to you,

Webstermum · 26/01/2009 15:57

They are and unfortunately so are their parents but most of us are so exhausted just getting through the day with an autistic child we don't have the energy or desire to educate the world. It's a bit like saying all kids with red hair have a temper or even all kids with Aspergers have a special gift. I'm forever being asked what my ds special ability is. You cant generalise about these kids any more than about nt kids - they are all different.

pagwatch · 26/01/2009 16:06

My son has severe ASD and is at a school specific to children with ASD and yet I still have met very few children who are violent.
I know it can happen - DS2 is afraid of one child at his school - but it bothers me how common the rest of the world seem to think it is.

Yes - the 'special ability ' thing comes up a lot. And often not as a question but " oh , he has autism. They all have special abilities don't they"
I used to say " oh yes paglet is olympic standard at fartage" until someone told me that she whispers
" yes. He can fly"
which I absoloutely love and now use always.

rosie39forever · 26/01/2009 16:11

I will definately be using that one pagwatch as everyone seems to think that my 5 year old dd is either a mathematical genius or a musical prodigy!!!!

pagwatch · 26/01/2009 16:12

I wish I could remember who coined it and credit them.
Of course it was an MNer.

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 26/01/2009 16:13

I know. It drives you batty. My boys both have autism and they are as different as any 2 brothers could be.

Another good one is folks who think that all people with autism are savants because they watched Rainman Which was, as we know, the absolute last word on autism

FattipuffsandThinnifers · 26/01/2009 16:14

Yep they are - particularly to older generations who (unlike children today) probably had virtually no interaction with anyone with SNs. Even when most of us on MN were at school (probably), schools didn't have inclusion policies etc - anyone with SNs were packed off to special schools/institutions and kept separate .

Hopefully if a) asd becomes better researched and understood, and b) society generally becomes more aware and understanding, this kind of attitude will die out.

bubblagirl · 26/01/2009 16:15

stuff comes l;ike this from ill educated people but before i was told my ds had autism i would have presumed that he would not talk etc have behavioral problems as no one knows every asd level on the spectrum you base it on what you have read etc

same with any sn you know of one child with a certain disability you think its the same for all children with that disability

im always being told that ds who has HFA is very bright etc whats his gift but in his case computers he can use a computer better than any person i know his 3.7 can now write his full name which is 14 letters long first and last and to me he is a bright thing but you will only ever generalize something to what you have seen

i know violent autistic children immobile and unable to speak autistic children happy go lucky like my ds and many more as its such a wide spectrum i also know very aggressive nt children more of them than sn

FattipuffsandThinnifers · 26/01/2009 16:15

Sorry, meant "particularly by older generations"

bubblagirl · 26/01/2009 16:20

most older generations don't even think autism exists they just need more discipline the parents are too soft etc but again its what you have read or heard most older generation would populate age group sn or people as the same

you know what all you young ones are like etc

all the old girls

you know all them children with sn they always put in one category in there days thats just the way it was sn wasn't really heard of as it wasn't seen in society and if it was it certainly wasn't accepted

i remember hearing a lady say about sn person obviously she didn't word it in that way but it was said there all aggressive and shouldn't be allowed out unfortunately they were raised to think that way hard to change a thought that has been there for years i just ignore

pagwatch · 26/01/2009 16:24

Actually I don't think that is true bubbla.
I meet loads of older people who understand all about autism and are very helpful and supportive.

I do think though that lots of people can't tell the difference betwwen a poorly behaved toddler and a young child with ASD and tend to assume that poor behaviour is just poor behaviour.

DS2 and I meet lots of lovely old guffers who are charming too him and me

conniedescending · 26/01/2009 16:28

another misconception is that it is only children who have autism - as if on turning age 18 the disorder simply disappears.

stuffitllama · 26/01/2009 16:31

My God I'm sure you are absolutely right in fact of course you are, you must be -- but my God that you know fifty children with autism.

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