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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that children with autism are seriously misunderstood

121 replies

Reallytired · 26/01/2009 14:49

Yesterday, I had my mum's neighbour telling me about how all autisic chilren (yes, autisic children not children with autism were violent.) Her experiences are all based on one child of a friend of a friend ... blah! blah!

I told her that I thought that was totally unfair and I know some lovely children with autism.

Don't get me wrong, I know very little about autism. I certainly don't understand it, but I know roughly 50 children with moderate to severe autism. They are all individuals with their own personality and its very varied how they are affected. Most of these children are not violent, even if they do have problems that make life hard.

In fact I suspect the children with autism suffer more violence from NT people than people suffer violence from people with autism.

I don't think its fair to make any general assumptions about children with autism. Or any other group of people. Its as daft as saying that all women are bad drivers.

OP posts:
PlainOldPeachy · 26/01/2009 16:32

I have 2 with asd

one is extremely aggressive

one isn't

that really asnwers that doesn't it LOL

busybeingmum · 26/01/2009 16:32

This reply has been deleted

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RnB · 26/01/2009 16:33

OMG I love the 'yes, he can fly' comment. I'm definitely going to use that next time someone asks me what ds's special ability is

PlainOldPeachy · 26/01/2009 16:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

stuffitllama · 26/01/2009 16:33

Presumably that because though not many people as yet know adults with autism. It exists among the adult population but not as much, until this generation grows up. Then it will be what one in every one hundred and fifty people has autism? One male in every sixty six males?

pagwatch · 26/01/2009 16:33

at peachy. Yep - that resolves the whole issue

bubblagirl · 26/01/2009 16:34

well again im generalizing the people that i know who do not understand it my family do and it is more known about but most of the people i know think its an excuse so its true in the people i know

bubblagirl · 26/01/2009 16:39

all the old people i talk to now who dote on ds i had to explain it all and only got talking to them as they were kind enough to offer me wise words on how to deal with his behavior now i have educated them they adore ds so in my case i haven't met any older people that haven't put it down to poor parenting before being told different

really glad you have met understanding older people though thats good

Marne · 26/01/2009 16:40

YANBU, i wish more people understood autism although more people know about it compared to 10 years ago. Im only just begining to understand it myself, i have 2 dd's ,one with Aspergers and one with Autism. It makes me angry when people sterio-type children with ASD, my children are not at all violent, dd1 can say hurtful things to people as she speeks her mind, people assume she is being rude. It also anoys me that older people think Autism is a new thing, autism has always been there its just we know more about it than we did 30 years ago.

pagwatch · 26/01/2009 16:43

bubbla
I have just my mum. But when we are out (swimming, cafes etc) I talk to people about him and explain and increasing the response I get from the oldies is understanding and based on some recognition of the condition. That certainly wasn't true 10 years ago when I was first out with him - but it is much more so now.

rosie39forever · 26/01/2009 16:51

can you imagine loads of people with autism and asbergers flying around, how fab

bubblagirl · 26/01/2009 17:00

that is good pagwatch its surprising though how so many people still have no understanding and i guess im lucky enough to bump into them lol

i don't tend to tell many people about my ds unless they do stick there nose in then i find myself explaining so maybe i bypass the understanding people

i do find once they know they couldn't be nicer have had no real negative come back maybe one or two but i just walk off and ignore them

Webstermum · 26/01/2009 17:02

My Mum & MIL are both in their 70s. Mum is fab with DS and always has been, MIL finds his behaviour embarrassing and cant cope with taking him out in public. They are the same generation. I think it depends on the individual whether or not they understand or want to know - not their age.
Pagwatch - i totally love the flying response am going to tell DS to use it too

stuffitllama · 26/01/2009 17:05

Marne, autism on this scale is a relatively new thing unfortunately.

Compare how many profoundly autistic adults there are with profoundly autistic children.

Thirty years ago so little was known about autism that the statistics were guessed at -- one in five thousand or one in ten thousand, I've read.

ladycornyofsilke · 26/01/2009 17:08

When my ds was in reception the teacher said that he couldn't have AS as the TA's friend's son had AS and he wasn't like him.

rosie39forever · 26/01/2009 17:24

The first thing my dad said when i told him dd had finally been diagnosed with autism was " autism doesn't exist its a made up condition to excuse badly behaved kids and their crap parents" that didn't hurt much! even now that dd is at a special school and her autism is very obvious he still doesn't quite believe it and unfortuneatly this opinion is shared by an awful lot of people.

SoMuchToBits · 26/01/2009 17:29

I think a lot of the older generation just don't know much about it, because when they were younger, people who were diagnosed were often in Special schools, and an awful lot of people were never diagnosed. I think it's actually very likely my father had Asperger's syndrome, from what I've read about it, but he was never diagnosed.

ladycornyofsilke · 26/01/2009 17:29

Quite rosie. We had a very similar discussion on the dyslexia thread last week.

unfitmother · 26/01/2009 17:35

Thanks reallytired!

pagwatch · 26/01/2009 18:23

I suspect actually that my more positive view is a reflection of the fact that things are considerably better than when DS2 was 2, 10 years ago. I was variously hit and spat at when out with Ds2 back then and often sworn at and kicked out of places.
Life is way better now.

Also I have perfected my 'fuck the fuck off' face - which helps too

Mamazon · 26/01/2009 18:33

YANBU.

she is precisely the reason Autism still has such a stigma attached and why its so very difficult for chldrenw ith mild to moderate ASD to remain in mainstream education.

Original poster
Reallytired · 26/01/2009 18:47

What is sad is that many children with autism leave mainstream education because they can't cope with the bullying rather than because they cannot cope with the curriculum. Often the problem is the dispictable behaviour of the NT children.

I do not claim to understand autism or even how hard it might be to have a child with autism 24/7.

Its a pity that people would not assume that they understand autism just becuase their friend of a friend's dog might be autisic.

OP posts:
MrsMattie · 26/01/2009 18:51

YANBU. I taught young adults with varying degrees of ASD for a while and the ridiculous stereotypes that some of them had had to put up during the course of their lives was shocking. Bullying was all too common, too, I'm afraid to say

My son isn't ASD, I don't think (still awaiting a diagnosis - suspect he has ADHD), but I am all too aware of how people can jump to the most dreadful and unfair conclusions about children / young people. It makes me , it really does.

Mamazon · 26/01/2009 18:52

It is the social aspect of MS schooling that is causing me to move Ds into a SS.

the school are finally doing ok with teaching him and his meltdowns are now managable.

but the fact that he is bullied by his peers is becoming a real issue. the school recognise that it goes on and whilst they will act upon most incidents its the low level bullying like name calling or exclusion that is causing him real upset.

the worst thing of all however is that this behaviour is not only condoned but i fact encouraged by the parents

smudgethepuppydog · 26/01/2009 18:53

I work with children who have autism, some are violent, lots more aren't. I know children with autism who give wonderful eye contact and those that don't. I know children with autism who are affectionate and who love to be hugged I know those who dont.

I also meet wonderful people who understand autism and those (like the lady [childcare qualified] who came for interview and on her tour of our setting pointed to a small boy and asked "What's his speciality?" When asked what she meant she replied "Well, don't they all have something they are good at. You know, like Rainman?") who don't...and no, she didn't get the job.