To think that children with autism are seriously misunderstood

[Reallytired]

Yesterday, I had my mum's neighbour telling me about how all autisic chilren (yes, autisic children not children with autism were violent.) Her experiences are all based on one child of a friend of a friend ... blah! blah!

I told her that I thought that was totally unfair and I know some lovely children with autism.

Don't get me wrong, I know very little about autism. I certainly don't understand it, but I know roughly 50 children with moderate to severe autism. They are all individuals with their own personality and its very varied how they are affected. Most of these children are not violent, even if they do have problems that make life hard.

In fact I suspect the children with autism suffer more violence from NT people than people suffer violence from people with autism.

I don't think its fair to make any general assumptions about children with autism. Or any other group of people. Its as daft as saying that all women are bad drivers.

chocbuttons, I think this snapshot assessment of your children applies in some ways to all disabilities

my dd does well at school despite her physical disability and both her last two schools have commented on this in rather surprised tones (as in, 'she is perfectly all right with us, are you sure she is really as disabled as all that')

what they don't realise is that she comes home at 3.30 and goes to bed for the rest of the day, she is often tearful with pain and exhaustion and she has virtually no social life outside of school because she gets too knackered

hardly normal for a 12yo afaik

I don't mind Joesphina Public getting mixed up about autism but it annoys when autism 'professionals' spin yarns about autism in general and show no interest in the actual child in front of them.

I agree with u about ev child with disability being judged on how they r at that moment, I honestly think ppl dont know wot to say sumtimes and I know alot of family want to make me feel better about future but i am a realist but i also dont ever stop hoping praying and working with my son - he has dev so much since starting at the unit he goes 2 but hten som areas hav regressed and as he gets older he gets stronger and shows his frustration and anxiety with aggression, which is extremely hard to deal with at times esp wen he is aggressiv to my 3 yr old - he dont c her as a person he sees her as an object.

I know a teenager who has autism, sometimes he is violent, but other times he is not... I worry what my sons "asd traits" will come to mean in his life, as he grows up and has so many frustrations to deal with...

I am hopeful that my ds is getting much more help and understanding atm than the teenager I know- who has struggled and his mother has struggled so much to get the help she thinks is appropriate for him

My daughter is just about to receive her first statement of SEN and visit with ad educational psychologist, I was a bit worried at first but am now delighted that we are looking at a diagnosis & some strategies to help her. Our SENCO all but put a helmet on when she raised the possibility of ed psych - she must be so used to people freaking out at the prospect of intervention from a psychologist. In fact we felt the opposite - it is wonderful to think that we may shortly have a better understanding of what our child needs and how we can help her.

The elders of my family (50 plus gang) have been so shamed and defensive when I've raised this. Comments include:
"She'll get stuck with a label for the rest of her life"
"People just want to excuse bad behaviour with a diagnosis these days"
"We never bothered with any of this when our kids were little"

Despite their assertions that special needs & learning difficulties are something that have only happened to this generation, my family history includes several people whose right to an independant life was binned, since the family consensus was that they were "a bit slow" or "a bit simple".

Our learning & understanding of the way we acquire social skills, language, literacy, even mental health in general etc. has increased dramatically in the last quarter century, but this understanding is still very much in its infancy. We can't expect the whole population to understand the specific knowledge that individuals need to acquire to deal with any difference in their family. However, I think that the tide is turning towards tolerance as more and more of us gently challenge stereotypes and are prepared to celebrate and work with difference, rather than dismiss or ignore it.

the same with our disability, Gentle

plus a lot of hints that if by any chance the syndrome did exist before, then it must have been inherited from dh's family

this despite the fact that I have never really been able to use my wrist joints for much
my Mum has never been able to kneel and has never really been strong enough to lift anything
my Gran was never able to kneel down after her teens

as for autism, I reckon it's always been around; from my reading of medieval history, it seems to me that some of the people I meet there definitely come across as being on the spectrum

Well, I have Asperger Syndrome: I have post graduate qualifications, I'm a qualified teacher, a mum, I drive a car and I now run my own autism consultancy providing training for employers, schools, parents etc.
I'm not violent and I rarely get angry.....but I too can fly.....

"People just want to excuse bad behaviour with a diagnosis these days"
"We never bothered with any of this when our kids were little"

Yes, sounds like my parents. I have moderate ASD. I have spent 35 years being miserable and on the receiving end of violence and relentelss bullying - a lot of it from my siblings and mother - because I am different.

Of course my mother still knows better, that autism doesnt exist and some children are just revoltingly behaved, throw tantrums all the time and are selfish and immature no matter how much their parents have sacrificed for them.

Oh and I have 3 postgraduate degrees... I'm not violent.... and I can fly...

An old thread folks

Spottyface,
When did you get a diagnosis?
I wasn't diagnosed until 6 years ago. Still haven't told my mum because I don't know how she will react.

I teach Riding for the Disabled, we mostly teach LD although we have a fair few PD riders as well. Many many come with the diagnosis of autism and they are all very different.

Some are chatty, some are quiet, some are totally non-verbal. Some respond to what you say, some are better with non-verbal cues. Yes, some can be violent but most are not and those that are, are only if 'provoked'. TBH even then it is usually that we don't always understand what consitutes provocation for an individual. One older woman, for example, will become extremely violent if asked to wait, hold on a second etc or if not allowed to dismount/mount first. Provided you don't put her in this situation she is a charming and pleasant person to deal with.

One thing I have learnt is that it is very foolish and pointless to make any assumptions about how a disability may affect a person's behaviour/personality. Particularly with Autism which is a spectrum disorder. YANBU - this person is clearly rather ignorant

why has such an old thread suddenly been bumped up

See TTR 2shoes

(have replied to you)

It's still an interesting discussion.

my concern to

I have a 10 year old with severe autism and very severe behaviour problems.
People who see us out and about must and do think he is just a badly behaved boy. He can't talk and te4nds to grab things he wants. He can't understand that if things are there he can't autonmaticaslly have them.
he has a passion for Atgos books and will try to steal them off strangers. He gets very upset when we take him away and will bang his head and punch himself.
He tends to roll on the floor when he is happy which often occurs when we are out eating.

When he was 3 an old cowwoman told me that it was 'only stupid mothers who couldn't control their kids, you should give him a slap'

My grans friend had her son taken off her when he was 2 because he had autism. It was 60 years ago and her DH was away at sea. The Dr's kept telling her she couldn't cope by herself and he HAD to go into a home as they would have no quality of life if they kept him.
My gran said it tore her heart to do it but she was made to feel she couldn't cope as there was no extra help like there is today.

Asteroids- 6 months ago. From lovely lovely people at the adult clinic in Cambridge

YANBU.

i have taught numerous students with autism/aspergers and its sad when even their parents are in denial about their child

i can see where your coming from but i would much prefer someones interest and wanting to find out than ignorance,

I have a 4yodd who is autistic and can get violent but this only occurs when people ignor her or treat her badly. Admittedly this does get worse if she is ill as her tolerence levels are reduced. This probably takes up 5% of her life the rest of the time she is the most caring loving child that i've ever known, and as a mother of 4 i know a lot of children!

Ignorance and sweeping generalisations of this condition is what makes it hard for both the child and families of autistic children to go about life in a normal way, as we often feel we have to apologise for or give a medical history to explain our wonderful children.

I think your totally right and agree with you!!!