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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel let down and upset?

84 replies

LolaTheShowgirl · 25/01/2009 18:56

I moved into my new flat and even though it's very basic, it is a world away from the rough bedsit I was in and i'm so happy

I finally got everything done and put all my bits and pieces up and it looks like my standard of a showhome lol

I asked my mum if she would like to come over for dinner tonight. I also invited her husband as I thought it would be very unfair not to. She accepted and they were supposed to be arriving at 6pm. I invited her last week so plenty of notice and she said yes straight away. So table laid and 3 course meal cooked which has taken me all day to prepare because I wanted it to be perfect and it cost the best part of £50 and at 6:05, just as I noticed they were late my mum phoned and said they weren't coming because her husband doesn't want to. I asked if he was ill and he is fine. I asked if just my mum wanted to come alone and she said that her husband doesn't want to stay in the house on his own and he ranted on about how disrespectful it would be if my mum went out and left him alone. I am so upset at being second place. All this trouble i've gone to today and now my appetite is gone to eat it on my own

OP posts:
lou33 · 25/01/2009 18:58

yanbu

tbh lola i dont know why you still even communicate with your mother, all she does is bring you down

lou33 · 25/01/2009 18:58

congrats for moving tho

NickiSue · 25/01/2009 18:59

Im so sorry hun - I too would have been gutted and not a little angry.

get yourself on the phone - invite a mate over for dinner, sod them and let someone ho will make you feel good about yourself come and admire the flat and your lovely cooking!

naswm · 25/01/2009 19:00

Oh Lola you poor thing I am sorry you have been to all that trouble and she has let you down. Do you have any friends you can invite round to eat with you? Or can you freeze some of it?

violethill · 25/01/2009 19:00

That's awful!

Do what Nicki says - try and get a friend over. Or at least light a candle, put on some music, enjoy your dinner and save the rest for tomorrow night.

Coldtits · 25/01/2009 19:01

Lola your mother is a twat. I speak from experience when I say that the only way to deal with a mother who won't give you the love you need is to make yourself stop expecting it.

staryeyed · 25/01/2009 19:01

This is an ongoing thing isn't it lola? I have read your other posts.

HalfMumHalfBiscuit · 25/01/2009 19:06

YANBU - Sorry to hear about your mum being rubbish. The flat sounds nice though!

Original poster
LolaTheShowgirl · 25/01/2009 19:09

Thanks for replying everyone. The most amazing thing happened! There is someone i've been chatting to for the past few months almost daily on a dating website and he seems to be really decent. We've spoken on the phone about 10 times and we really click. He just called for a chat and I told him what happened and he told me he was hungry and if there is enough to go round and I didn't mind at all, he would love to relax and get to know me more over dinner. I haven't given him a definate answer. Said there was someone at the door and I will call him back because he has sole custody of his 2 yr old daughter who he said he would bring with him if she could nap on my sofa while we still enjoy our evening. I don't know what to do!!!

OP posts:
mshadowsisfab · 25/01/2009 19:10

yanbu you need to leave your mum behind and make a new life.

LadyOfWaffle · 25/01/2009 19:10

That's what I call a silver lining!

Coldtits · 25/01/2009 19:11

If he has a two year old - and is bringing the two year old - he probably isn't a nutter.

Now I'm not telling you to go for it

But if you have seen each other's photos and like each other

I would

theresonlyme · 25/01/2009 19:11

what do you want to do?

Mooseheart · 25/01/2009 19:17

Please go for it, I don't know you Lola but your story about your mum has made me feel very sad for you. The guy souunds lovely. Nothing ventured and all that...

Mooseheart · 25/01/2009 19:17

sounds

Original poster
LolaTheShowgirl · 25/01/2009 19:18

I do want him to come over - argh this is so sudden! Ok, i'm going to ask him round and get some mellow music on the stereo I'm so excited but scared. I have my friend on speed dial incase he's an axe murderer but no one would in their right mind would want their little girl to see such gore, would they?!

OP posts:
scardypants · 25/01/2009 19:19

Aw Lola I was so sad to read your op. That's a shitty thing for them to do.

I'm really excited to know what you're going to do now about this new interest

Mooseheart · 25/01/2009 19:20

Have a glass of wine to get you relaxed. I'm sure it will be lovely. Sound like this could all be a bit fated.

scardypants · 25/01/2009 19:21

nah I wouldn't think so!

I'm so excited for you. Have a lovely evening and don't forget to come back and tell us all about it

crokky · 25/01/2009 19:21

lola - I haven't read your other threads, but your mum sounds like she does not have her priorities straight.

If this is the latest in a long line of uncaring incidents, IMO, the best thing to do is cut yourself off from her emotionally and just see her when she wants, keeping things civil. No need for a rift or argument, just be civil and don't expect any more from her. Let her be a granny to your DCs if she wants, but, don't hope for or expect anything.

Coldtits · 25/01/2009 19:21

Do it.

Dooooooooooo it

theresonlyme · 25/01/2009 19:23

make sure you tell us what time he is coming round and post after he has gone.

Original poster
LolaTheShowgirl · 25/01/2009 19:23

Ok, he's going to get his little one bathed and then they're on their way! annnnd breathe! Candles on the table - trying too hard???

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 25/01/2009 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aGalChangedHerName · 25/01/2009 19:25

Lola been there done that....

Don't put yourself through crap sweetie. Stop asking her to dinner or anything else. She can only hurt you if you keep trying to reach out to her.

Since i stopped doing it with my mum it's been hard but i don't get the massive let down when she doesn't bother to turn up or just plain lets me down iyswim?

Get your new man friend over,you have nothing to lose and it might be something special!!!