or is it too early to be annoyed by lack of thank you's for Christmas gifts?

[deaconblue]

Dh and I sent 15 gifts to a variety of children this year (mostly kids of friends who also sent gifts to our dc's). Have only received 4 thank you's. Our dc's thank you's were posted by the end of 2008. I don't even expect thank you cards but a text, phone call or email would be nice.
or do you reckon end of Jan is time after which lack of thank you's becomes rudeness?

I was thinking of striking a pact with my godchildren and nieces that, in return for not sending me thank-you cards, they promise not to mind if their pressies are a little tardy from time to time... . But I've been told that I might be undermining parental discipline by adopting such a cavalier approach to their offspring's manners...

I think getting the kids to write thank you cards is very important, but it doesn't bother me if we don't receive them from other people. Is that odd?

I actually much prefer doing the thank you card ritual than I do Christmas cards. I'd give up sending Christmas cards long before I'd give up thank you cards if I was short of time.

I originally used to try and get photos of the children playing with whatever gift we were thanking them for and putting it on a card, but then we changed printers and our current one can't cope with card paper going through

I now choose one image from Christmas and get it printed into cards via Photobox or Moonpig and get the children to do a 1 liner formulaic thank you (Dear X, thank you for my Y, Love Rubberduckling) - they're 7 and 4 so hardly going to write a mountain, then jot a sentence myself at the bottom. That's the nice thing about thank you cards instead of letters - not enough space to write a massively long missive, but still a personal thank you which took thought and effort.

elliot - DD had about 15 to do I think this year. She is pretty good about them and loves writing, so not a problem - other than just fitting in the time as we have been really busy. Two more to go - will do them tomorrow night.

"a formal acknowledgement should be a given. Otherwise, it's plain bad manners"

No, it's not.

For me, this goes into the "if you don't use fish knives for fish, you are a savage" category.

Some people do, some people don't. It's not a signal as to their overall manners.

I also think there's something of the Just William's ghastly aunts about some of the gift giving rituals. There's something a bit precious and painful about demanding thank yous from people and getting annoyed if they don't do it in time or in the right manner. Awful.

'For me, this goes into the "if you don't use fish knives for fish, you are a savage" category.'

What bizarre logic!!

Not acknowledging a gift is bad manners, pure and simple and you embarrass yourself by failing to do so.

P.S. I've never used a fish knife in my life.

I just think what a waste of paper really, writing out thank yous when you can just either phone to say thanks or say thanks in person.

nothing rude about not writing out thank you letters at all, whoever said that. some of us weren't brought up to do all that stuff. we just said thanks and that was that. end of.

This thread is an eye opener - I have never come across anyone before who has not sent thank you letters. Bizzare.

PS never used a fish knife.....

'some of us weren't brought up to do all that stuff. we just said thanks and that was that'

but saying 'thanks' is at least an acknowledgement of appreciation - far better than nothing at all.

ha, thanks mannymoeandjack. i'd rather make eye contact with someone who has given the gift rather than through a letter (wasting a rainforest). I like people to know my appreciation directly rather than via phone, text, email or any other media.
writing a thank you card (this is only MY opinion before people start flaming me) is like writing out a christmas card. it's just going through the motions. and i'm betting there are others who agree with me but too frightened to because they'll get a bashing too.

whatevermaycome, be shocked. how bizarre i do things differently from the majority on this thread. wow.
if we were all the same it'd be a boring world. sorry to say it but it's truuue.

But you said formal acknowledgement. Which I take to mean a letter/ card.

Telephone calls, e-mail and face to face are all informal.

Unless you are the queen or something and have a 3 O'Clock appointment to phone the Prime Minister. Most of us don't have formal phone calls though.

As far as my boys are aware evry present they get at Christmas comes from Santa, so instead of thank you letters I thank the person who gave them their presents when they pass them on, and in the case of posted presents will send a quick note and a picture/email to say thank you.

When it is birthdays however they say thank you in person for presents handed over (from Grandma for example) and for presents from parties or posted a they write a letter.

I haven't said anything about formal acknowledgement personally, but in general i say thank you in person. not sure why so many people are hung up on receiving a card or letter 'formally' to say thanks. each to their own..

It's funny how people do Santa differently.

I know this egotistical bloke who would always have a really crappy small present from Santa so that his presents look better in comparison.

ahfeckit, who is hung up on receiving a card etc? As I read the OP, the objection stems from not receiving any kind of acknowledgement or thanks for gifts. It doesn't have to be a card, it could be a call, a text, a tattoo on yer arse. Just as long as there's some kind of thanking going on. Them's manners.

My LO is 5 and is writing all hers personally. It's taking her yonks as she's had so many from people. She's getting there slowly - but please be patient!

This thread has made me realise what lovely, polite friends and family I have - they always say thank you in one form or another. Each to his own but I don't think it is 'going through the motions' - it's just plain good manners.

The 'formal' bit is in the context of receiving gifts from anyone who lives physically distant or if your dc receives a gift from a school pal who you don't actually know (this does happen, my ds received three gifts this year from his classmates - it's a special school so he gets to school and back via organised transport which means I don't get to know the other kids and their parents - I could hardly phone or email them but nor could I not acknowledge receipt and appreciation of the gifts).

I guess formal letter writing is a throwback to the days before the internet and mobile phones; as kids, we were made to sit down and write out cards/letters to various relatives each birthday and Christmas.

I believe that sending a thank you card/note is good manners - it's a small gesture to the sender of the gift that you appreciate their thoughts.

This thread is interesting...I clearly have too high standards for DS (only 2yo at the moment). I am expecting him to handwrite them (no texts or "word templates") when he is old enough, to a standard that I would expect reflects the thought and time that went into buying the present (and his writing ability at whatever age).

I always wrote decent thank you letters by mid-Jan when I was a child, and my mum always got compliments on how much people appreciated them. She in turn told me. It gave me great pleasure to think that a bit of effort from me made both her and the relative happy.

Hell, how old fashionned am I! DH just rolls his eyes when I explain what I expect DS to do in the future. If he can't be bothered to put pen to paper then I'll tell people not to bother sending him presents. Horrible mother that I am.

I totally agree, Jaz2.

I however, whilst always having the best intentions re: thank you cards, and hopeless at organising myself to do them While I know I mean to do them, if I was someone else looking at me I would think I was very rude!

(eg - thank yous for wedding presents received in July were still being sent out after Christmas ... which had nothing to do with the huge pile I found in the bottom of DH's work bag! )

LOL I think there is a difference between making your kids do them, and expecting to receive them like a demanding old dowager aunt.

Have no beef about how ppl choose to acknowledge a gift, but I think it should at least be acknowledged. Dcs sign cards at present and they enjoy posting them; I'm hoping they'll write their own when older, especially for the ppl who enjoy getting them (the g-ps mainly). Letter writing is becoming a lost art.

In curmudgeonly style, this thread has reminded me that dh's niece, who is over 18 and lives independently, has never once acknowledged birthday/Christmas cheques which makes me disinclined to bother from now on.