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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is it too early to be annoyed by lack of thank you's for Christmas gifts?

164 replies

deaconblue · 12/01/2009 14:41

Dh and I sent 15 gifts to a variety of children this year (mostly kids of friends who also sent gifts to our dc's). Have only received 4 thank you's. Our dc's thank you's were posted by the end of 2008. I don't even expect thank you cards but a text, phone call or email would be nice.
or do you reckon end of Jan is time after which lack of thank you's becomes rudeness?

OP posts:
MrsTittleMouse · 12/01/2009 15:19

Oh dear. I hope not, as I haven't started ours. In my defense I have a 3 month old and a toddler. I really do need to do them.

happywomble · 12/01/2009 15:29

I think it is correct to send a thank you note particularly if the gift has arrived by post.

I feel better if thank yous are written within a few days of Christmas but feel those who say they must be done by 6th Jan are being harsh.

People may have gone away for new year week and only have done them this weekend. It is also hard to get a child under 7 to write more than a few thank yous a day. Surely it is better to receive a thank you actually written by the child receiving the gift (rather than their parents) even if it takes a few weeks to come.

rubyslippers · 12/01/2009 15:31

i think lots of people have been away and only really gone back to work/school this week

it certainly feels like it from the heavy traffic compared to last week

give it another week or so

but YANBU to expect an acknowledgement (text/email/phonecall) for a gift

wishingchair · 12/01/2009 15:41

YABU - yes it's nice to get one in a timely fashion but sometimes it just falls down the list of things to do ... doesn't mean they're being ungrateful. My DDs birthday is xmas eve so we have double whammy. Ours aren't all done yet. But then again we had the flu over the holidays and just getting meals cooked was an effort.

sausagenmash · 12/01/2009 15:52

Oooh. Only posted mine today - and I'm a grown up! My parents used to sit us down on boxing day to write ours - we lived overseas at the time, so most of our presents (from grandparents etc) were posted, and it was pre email, mobile phone, and even a long distance call was a huge effort! Must say that a couple of years ago, when my Nan died, my Mum and I were clearing her flat out, and we found a huge pile of letters, loads of them in my childish scrawl saying thank you. It brought tears to our eyes. I don't expect thank you letters - verbal is fine - but to receive one in the post when everyone is always so quick to text / email etc, is so lovely - and they're usually on pretty cards which you can put up on the mantelpiece once the xmas cards are down. Gah. Maybe I'm really old fashioned. So. Not essential, but nice, oui?

2pt4kids · 12/01/2009 15:55

POsted mine today.
Who has time to do them all on boxing day with small children and god knows what else going on.
Yes its nice to send thank yous and nice to receive them but I wouldnt get riled at not having received them just yet!

Niecie · 12/01/2009 15:58

Definitely end of Jan. I haven't personally had the time to write mine or organise DS1 to do his (a complete nightmare and like pulling teeth).

I have finished what I needed to do (OU assignment) so I will do them this week. Most people have had emails or a phone call already so not all bad.

fleacircus · 12/01/2009 16:05

Ours have gone - two lots because DD's birthday is 1st Jan. I don't expect them from BIL and SSIL's families though; have never received any acknowledgement of presents sent to their kids. (Sent in the post - I think verbal thank you is fine if you're there when they open it. In fact I think any acknowledgement is fine, text, phone call, whatever, but if you post a present and no one ever mentions it again it's a bit rude, frankly. Not because I 'give to receive' but because I like to know that what I've given has actually been received.)

Bathsheba · 12/01/2009 16:06

I'm very hot on Thank You cards - I think they are very important. I also send them to places like church and playgroup where the presents are given out by santa because I think places like that are often overlooked.

however I've read on a few parenting forums (I use Mumsnet and another smaller less well known one) that there have been a lot of parents who frankly refuse to send them totally - one of the women seemed particularly obnoxious insisting it was more important that her children were enjoying playing their games rather than thanking people for sending them.

I think its a cultuaral thing and maybe culture is changing for the worse in that respect, but I know a LOT of people who don't send them - in fact I know far far more people who don't send them at all (and generally have a bit of a chippy attitude about it) than those who do.

If I hadn't got one by now I'd assume it wasn;t coming

fruitstick · 12/01/2009 16:10

Oh bugger, I haven't even started mine yet (they are on the list for this week). We were away for New Year so no chance to do them before then but other than that have no excuse.

Give people a break, at least until end of Jan (please )

kerala · 12/01/2009 16:11

Same as Mrs Tittlemouse. Am very ashamed havent done ours yet - have a 2 year old and 10 week old. Just finished the thank you letters for the baby presents, then the christmas cards just cannot face the christmas thank you letters. I will have to pour myself a stiff cup of tea and bash them off but there always seems to be something more pressing to do (like MN ha)

Tee2072 · 12/01/2009 16:20

hedgewitch I am shocked at you.

stinkymonkey · 12/01/2009 16:28

I think it's soooo rude not to say thank you in some fashion. In fact I have been known to stop sending pressies to people who don't acknowledge them/say thank you. I have a cousin overseas who never says thank you, so I did ask last week if pressie had arrived and got back "yes but we haven't opened it yet", still no actual thanks. Grrr

bohemianbint · 12/01/2009 16:31

not started mine yet!

mumof2222222222222222boys · 12/01/2009 16:35

I haven't done any yet and that includes those for DS's birthday just before Xmas. I do feel bad, and am about to get started - but we have been away and only got back on Saturday, and all pressie givers know this. All did get Xmas cards with photos too (not that that is particularly relevant!)

andyrobo237 · 12/01/2009 16:47

We do 'Thank Yous' but only to people who have sent the DC's presents by post o riva other people, who we have not been able to say 'Thank you' in person.

I would not dream of sending them to everyone who gave the kids presents, as I agree a verbal 'Thank You' is sufficient if you have been given the present in person.

It doesnt cost much to say /do and the giver appreciate the good manners.

elliott · 12/01/2009 16:48

Well, we completed ours at the weekend and will be in the post today.
Perhaps better to be done sooner, but hey ho.

sinkingfast · 12/01/2009 16:50

We haven't done ours yet. We will do. I would hope the thank yous from my children will not be judged as inferior just because I am not very organised .

elliott · 12/01/2009 16:52

Out of interest, how many people's dh's help write the thank yous?
Why are we women so keen on making work for ourselves?
I really don't see the point of writing a thank you card on behalf of a child who is too young. I always just gave verbal thank yous.

bohemianbint · 12/01/2009 16:56

my DH does thank yous - he's much more organised than me.

newpup · 12/01/2009 16:58

DDs have to have them written before they go back to school. I think it is very important for them to thank people for their gifts. I always say to them if someone has gone to the trouble of choosing, buying, wrapping and giving a gift, they need to take the time to thank them properly.

I always wrote thank you letters as a child, as did my sister. Although, she never sends them on behalf of my nephew! I never know if he got or liked his presents.

Dd had her birthday the week after Christmas so she has a lot of letters to write! Almost all of her friends send thank you notes after birthday parties. So it is a tradition still alive around here!

piscesmoon · 12/01/2009 16:59

We manage them by the end of January-people know they will get one eventually.

puppydetox · 12/01/2009 17:02

we do a verbal thanks for things given in person, phone/text thanks for postal ones THEN we do cards afterwards (often much later...). was drummed into me as a child tbh, especially as i had one relative who was a stickler for thankyous - to the extent that if you didn't send a thankyou you didn't get anything the following year (in fact i believe some were disinherited for the same reason).

i insist on hand made/written thankyous because they're very much appreciated by the recipient and i think it instills a sense of gratitude in the kids too.

Niecie · 12/01/2009 17:04

What's everybody's view on typed thank you letters from a 10 yr old. Are they OK? Should they not at least have been signed by hand?

I know I should be grateful we get one at all (I am if indeed he did it and not his mum) but it doesn't seem quite right to have it typed - I was taught it wasn't for personal as opposed to business letters. If I was going to do a letter at the very least I would handwrite the closing line and signature.

piscesmoon · 12/01/2009 17:12

I give mine the choice, they either write a short letter by hand or they type one but it has to be long and interesting. I have to say that they recipients prefer the former and my DSs prefer the latter. If the person is there when they open it they thank them verbally.