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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is it too early to be annoyed by lack of thank you's for Christmas gifts?

164 replies

deaconblue · 12/01/2009 14:41

Dh and I sent 15 gifts to a variety of children this year (mostly kids of friends who also sent gifts to our dc's). Have only received 4 thank you's. Our dc's thank you's were posted by the end of 2008. I don't even expect thank you cards but a text, phone call or email would be nice.
or do you reckon end of Jan is time after which lack of thank you's becomes rudeness?

OP posts:
blueshoes · 13/01/2009 11:32

Hang on, I am writing them now. . Will post them within the next day or so.

TonyAlmeida · 13/01/2009 11:34

shopping bag

what is with the apostrophe crime in the title

TonyAlmeida · 13/01/2009 11:34

and shit.

hullygully · 13/01/2009 11:41

Mine design one on the computer, print out lots of copies and handwrite to and from onto them. V quick and still v nice. I think end of Jan fine.

stinkymonkey · 13/01/2009 11:44

No it's not mean Vezzie. An adult is old enough to know what basic good manners are.

With people who can't be bothered to acknowledge gifts, I assume that they must have plenty of stuff already. Therefore they won't miss it if you stop buying for them. Problem solved all round.

scampadoodle · 13/01/2009 11:50

We haven't sent ours yet but mean to do so. I like DS1 to write them himself which is why we haven't got round to it. I'm crap at sitting the DCs down & making them do it (always a battle).

Am a bit at those who posted theirs before the end of 2008 & can't understand why others can't do the same. Because we're not as all-round-fabulous as you, perhaps?

TantieTowie · 13/01/2009 12:00

OK, so DS turned two this week - I was hoping to get away with one lot of thank you cards - should I have done them all separately?
I'm not fabulous and organised - but I think most people sending us presents know that!

Ledodgy · 13/01/2009 12:00

It's too early there has been alot of sickness around this year and we haven't even written ours yet. Most are close family who we saw over Christmas and thanked in person. The others such as Godmothers etc will get a generic thank you in the post before the end of this month. It's such a busy time of year give them some time!

MirandaG · 13/01/2009 12:06

For those who haven't done them yet, get those ones that have 'Thank you for my Christmas present' already on them and a blank for the present and child's name. Saves hours of torture. Or even better the ones with tick boxes [waits for chorus of disapproval]

WentworthMillerMad · 13/01/2009 12:08

I dont like receiving written thank you cards!! sorry!! I much much prefer a face to face thanks, especially if they are wearing the item. Just find thank you cards are like going through the motions and fairly meaningless. I have friends around the uk so I would also always call to say thanks and have a lovely catch up chat. I never expect a written thank you when i send a gift - a text, email or phone call is plenty! Or better a face to face thanks when possible

Ps vezzie - I actually would remove a serial non thanker, a text takes 10 seconds!!! and not thanking face to face - eekkk!!!!!

Marina · 13/01/2009 12:27

Ours are going in the post today.
As these were handovers in the run-up to Christmas, they were acknowledged at the time and thanked.
Dd is just learning independent writing (she is five) and luckily likes the practice. Ds at nine has been allowed to write letters on the PC. All of them are personal and I think will please the recipients, and that's worth a short wait IMO.
Shoppingbags - a lot of children were ill at some point over the Christmas holidays, ds was unwell for a week and a bit. I don't think it's necessarily ingratitude that has caused the delays this year. Some parents also work outside the home between Christmas and New Year.

MonnowCyclist · 13/01/2009 12:31

I do get our dds to write thank you notes and write them ourselves, but not sure i'd notice especially if we didn't receive them for every prezzie sent. Having said that we finally stopped sending birthday cheques to a 27 year old nephew who lived away from his family and had never ever said thank you in any format or even sent us so much as a Christmas card . Hope that's not too harsh.

luckymummy74 · 13/01/2009 13:13

YANBU. I was brought up to write thank-you notes and I think it's sadly a sign of the times that a lot of people don't do it anymore.

We always do thank-you cards although only just finished and posted them last week.

I have never received one from a child. I have them from adults (in my family) who I bought for at Christmas, my Mum, Brother and great aunt.

YANBU!!!!!! This really pisses me off too..!!

MannyMoeAndJack · 13/01/2009 13:13

I'm shocked that some posters claim to have never sent thank-you cards ever! I find that extremely ungrateful but sadly, it is a sign of our selfish times. I guess sometimes a verbal thank-you is appropriate and sufficient (e.g. gifts between partners or gifts from children to parents and vice versa) but for all other gifts, a formal acknowledgement should be a given. Otherwise, it's plain bad manners.

roseability · 13/01/2009 13:16

I am pregnant and suffering bad migraines. My son currently has a bad dose of Chicken Pox. If my thank yous are late and people don't understand, they didn't give the presents very kindly!

I got a lot of hassle from my mother to send thank yous after DS was born. I was suffering PND, had a tough birth (forceps, episiotomy) and DS was a very colicky baby who didn't sleep. We did get round to sending nice home made ones with a very cute picture of DS (and apologised for them being late). Again anyone who didn't understand in that situation is not very nice (including my mother!)

Whilst I agree with sending thank you notes, I don't agree with being labelled as rude just because they are a bit later than you might send them. You don't know why that may be.

fridascruffs · 13/01/2009 13:18

I've never written thank you letters because our family never did. I never expect to hear eulogies from people if I send them a gift. It's a gift. If you don't want to give it, don't. All very well if you want to write thank you notes (yet more landfill) but why pile more jobs onto people's lists of things to do? I didn't even get to Christmas card this year cos I couldn't find the time.

roseability · 13/01/2009 13:21

How mean a lot of you are! And how sad that you actually think things like 'I sent mine by/before such and such a date'. Aren't I perfect and smug emoticon

scampadoodle · 13/01/2009 13:24

MirandaG - I usually use pre-printed ones so DS1 just has to write a few words & his name (he's 7 BTW)but I haven't seen any in the shops this year, rather weirdly. Oh, Woolies, we need you back!

nappyaddict · 13/01/2009 13:49

I really don't expect written thankyou's either. A thankyou in person, email or phone call is just fine imo. I only send them cos my dad's family expect them.

Original poster
deaconblue · 13/01/2009 13:56

It really isn't the written thank you that's the issue for me if you read the OP everyone. It's the lack of any form of acknowledgement of our gifts that I think is rude. Would be perfectly happy with a text, phone call or email.

OP posts:
whatevermaycome · 13/01/2009 14:14

I do think it is rude - personally I would not continue to buy presents for children who did not send thanks in some form - luckily I have never come across this as I always get thank you cards from children of friends and family.

Got to be honest and say I would not think less of the children if thanks were not sent but I would think the parents were rude for not facilitating it.

I am amazed that some people don't send them - it was always drilled into me at an early age that it was polite to do so.

MirandaG · 13/01/2009 14:30

Scampadoodle - I got some from this company (well, a neighbour's friend was selling them disguised as a coffee morning ). The tick box ones seem to be gone, which is a shame because a seven year old boy would have loved them - maybe next year? I also had some leftover ones from Waitrose (bizarrely) last year. Have now moved far away from Waitrose, Woolies etc so was delighted to discover this
www.phoenix-trading.co.uk/web/corp/products/search.do?searchWords=thank+you&searchEntityType=SEARCH_ ITEM
Am currently bribing DD1 with a sweet for each one she writes, so Shoppingbagsundereyes, thank you for motivating me.

sophy · 13/01/2009 15:04

Our rule of thumb is that if a present was received and opened in the presence of the giver then a thank-you letter is not necessary.

However, presents that are not opened in the presence of the giver - i.e. sent by post, or dropped off in advance, should always be acknowledged - by phone call, letter or email.

And frankly if they haven't managed to do that by mid-January it is rude.

I got my first ever email thankyou from my 18-year-old godson a few days after Christmas and was thrilled. Am still waiting for a thank you from the mother of my 4-year-old god-daughter, who really should know better.

And I insist that my dc hand-write all theirs (just as my mother did with me).

sophy · 13/01/2009 15:07

I also use sweets as bribes MirandaG

LIZS · 13/01/2009 15:43

note to self : put those envelopes inthe post !!!