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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is it too early to be annoyed by lack of thank you's for Christmas gifts?

164 replies

deaconblue · 12/01/2009 14:41

Dh and I sent 15 gifts to a variety of children this year (mostly kids of friends who also sent gifts to our dc's). Have only received 4 thank you's. Our dc's thank you's were posted by the end of 2008. I don't even expect thank you cards but a text, phone call or email would be nice.
or do you reckon end of Jan is time after which lack of thank you's becomes rudeness?

OP posts:
NormaJeanBaker · 12/01/2009 19:44

LittleBella I don't think it's petty to expect acknowledgment of a gift. A phone call or email - whatever. If someone gives you something face to face do you just take it without a word?

prettybutterfly · 12/01/2009 19:48

I did thank you notes, which were posted by 5th Jan. I thought that was getting on a bit.

Haven't had any back. Had some emails.

OP, unless there are some notes coming to you from far-flung foreign countries, then you aren't getting any either!

LittleBella · 12/01/2009 19:49

Oh I thought the OP was getting aerated about not receiving a card, didn't read it properly - sorry OP.

Would definitely phone or e-mail, but don't see the necessity for postal thank yous. Have an uptight friend who goes in for this, and it is such a bloody chore. FGS I'd rather not have the bloody gift if I have to arse around with stamps.

NormaJeanBaker · 12/01/2009 19:53

Especially since they have nothing to lick on the back any more. I liked having a quick snack of adhesive.

HelenBurns · 12/01/2009 19:53

We send them to grandparents and aunties, people whom we don't just 'swap' presents with, but who make a special effort just for my children.

If it's a friend and we get each other's children gifts, we don't bother to write - though wondering if we ought to now!

Send ours before the holidays finish btw, gets it out of the way and also polite to do it quickish.

DandyLioness · 12/01/2009 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pointydog · 12/01/2009 19:55

if children are getting presents from grans and grandads, plus an aunty/uncle or two and then they get 15 presents from friends of the family, I would loathe having to write 20+ notes and stamps and post them.

I'd much rather my children not get the presents.

But maybe that's just ungrateful little me

naswm · 12/01/2009 19:57

Interesting thread. I think the thank you note thing is something you either do or dont. I was brought up to 'do' but I have friends who were brought up just as polite and curteous as I was who 'do not'.

My DC write them (now that they can of course) but I dont get upset if I dont get them back. We dont write to grandparents but we do write to everyone else who give a present - even if it is just a 2 line 'thank you for the jigsaw. Happy New Year' type of thing.

I know I am old fashioned tho!

tassisssss · 12/01/2009 19:58

Definately too early to be annoyed! Ours frequently don't get written till mid january!

MollyCherry · 12/01/2009 23:33

I think if they've gone by post you certainly should have had at least a text/call/email by now just to let you know they'd arrived.

As far as written ones go - I like to get them out within a week, but this year DD (4.4) is writing her own. They are very short, but obviously I can't expect her to sit and write all 12 or so of them in one hit, hence they've only been posted today (and now I'm feeling really guilty that I didn't strap her to a chair and make her get on with them earlier )

claw3 · 12/01/2009 23:44

They write you a thank you, you write them a thank you which is seen as an acknowledgement of their thank you. You then dont have an acknowledgement of your thank you, so should they send you one?

Would agree a verbal thank you is good enough, how many bloody times do you need to say thank you

yama · 12/01/2009 23:53

Stop giving presents.

I have never expected a 'thank you' for any present I have ever given.

I do send a photo dd wearing/playing with gifts sent to her as a thank you but not because it is expected.

Clary · 13/01/2009 00:17

We posted the last of ours by the Saturday before we went back to school which I thought wasn't bad (about 15 for each DC).

I haven't had any back (apart from one from my sister's DC and a lovely note from DS2' teacher ) but tbh am not expecting many - we don't give to many small DC, more adults/teenagers.

at never writing any kind of thank-you letter.

A verbal thank-you is fine btw - for eg I gave gifts to a couple of pals who had been esp helpful last year - and when I next saw both they said oh thanks for the chocs - I'm not expecting hand-made cards!

For those who sneer at thank-yous, it's a really good way at getting DC to do some writing in that slack post-Christmas time when there's not much to do and no school to go to!

nappyaddict · 13/01/2009 00:31

DS only sends thankyou cards to gifts received by post or via somebody else. Well I write them and he scribbles on them.

Jux · 13/01/2009 00:36

Haven't received any, don't expect to. That said, I am nagging at dd to do hers.

kizzib · 13/01/2009 07:38

My MIL expects me to send thank you notes to everyone in her sodding enormous family, plus her colleagues and neighbours who give dd gifts. I have started some thank you cards but I really don't want to send them. It's old fashioned and simply saying thank you should be enough. My family don't care about cards, it's just MIL who kicks up a fuss plus it's dd's birthday soon and I'll have to do it all over again, it's a pain in the a*se

elliott · 13/01/2009 09:08

Hulababy how many cards does your dd write??
'...just another 4 or 5 to do tomorrow...'

Its like pulling teeth getting mine to do them, so I tend to pick the 3 most important...and even that ended up in a big argument and ds2 in time out. I'd go mad if I tried to get them to do any more...

But to be honest even if they sent one to everyone they got a present from (regardless of whether they have seen them to say thankyou) that would only total 8 (two grandpas, one great grandpa, two uncles/aunts, three greatuncles/aunts).

Ripeberry · 13/01/2009 09:14

I've not sent any thank you letters, because i can't really afford to send off a load of letters and pay postage. If i see the person i say thanks and we will e-mail all others.
It's just a waste of paper IMHO.

2pt4kids · 13/01/2009 09:36

I only sent them to in laws family. My family have never done thank you cards and I;d feel like a tit sending them one!
My in laws are a bit batty with it though imo.
We spent xmas day, boxing day AND the next day staying with them all. Said thank you for all our presents at the time and had 3 days worth of playing with them together etc and still we get a thank you letter (a seperate one, posted seperately) from each member of the family.
Thats the only reason I send them back becaseu I assume they expect them.
My heart sinks when I receive 6 page long thank you letters in the post as it means spending an entire evening myself writing them back on behalf of the kids when I only spoke to the people the bloody day before!!

fircone · 13/01/2009 09:42

Waste of paper?!

Grrrrrrrrrrr.

Umlellala · 13/01/2009 09:49

I sent them to people I didnt see in person to thank. I did also write a letter/make a card for my mum who had gone to a lot of effort to make our visit lovely - and its hard to express what you really mean on a busy family day.
But while I do think it's rude not to thank someone (by whatever means), I also think you don't give a present to get a 'thank you'.

ramonaquimby · 13/01/2009 10:22

oh pluuuleassse to the link on the front page - 'ungrateful brats'

ffs

this is enough to get me to log off mn

MirandaG · 13/01/2009 10:31

Sorry to hijack, but OneLieIn - if you are still around, I am fascinated by this, because I eventually realised that my husband's family used to do this too (after several confused conversations between the two of us about how Santa works - it really only came to light last year when the eldest was 4). In his house (I think) all the presents from everyone got hidden and then put under the tree on Christmas Eve, so that it looked like Santa brought them all. DH did this the year my daughter was three (I was dying of flu so couldn't have cared less what happened) and it did look quite spectacular going from no presents to a mountain! But, in my family home, Santa only brought specific presents from Santa himself. The rest were put under the tree as people gave them to us. This year we sort of muddled through... What do you do when they get older - they must see the presents being exchanged or do you do it on the quiet?
Back to the thank you notes. I think children should do them, because it is good for them to think about the people who gave them the present, and people, especially older relatives who are abroad, love to receive them. Would never do them for friends that we see all the time and they don't either, which is fine. No acknowledgement at all of a present is a bit poor (I don't mind what medium is used), although I have done it myself (rarely - mostly new baby ones that came a bit later than others) and they still weigh on my conscience . To be honest I find people who do it immediately a bit, oh I don't know - it's as if they don't want to be beholden to you in any way, especially when they enclose a cheque for the lunch you treated them to (this has actually happened). Apologies for rambling a bit - up a lot at night with sick children so no thank yous sent from here yet

IorekByrnison · 13/01/2009 11:10

Too early. Haven't sent ours yet.

Do you really get annoyed about it?

vezzie · 13/01/2009 11:17

my view - doesn't matter how late it is, within reason, and doesn't matter what the medium is - best to have a sincere communication in a medium the child / person is comfortable with (so a few words on paper from a small child, maybe with a picture, is very very nice, but when the person is used to writing by email and / or WP than a nice letter in that form is very nice too).

BUT I am seriously (pettily, go on, tell me) considering removing an adult serial non thanker from my present list for next year - or demoting the present to something generic that won't cost me time to choose and buy. is this mean?