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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I don't think I am but here goes

312 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 07/01/2009 22:29

DS1 has opportunity to go on a school journey. I was in 2 minds about letting him go mainly because there is going to be 6 chalets each with 5 children in and 1 chalet with 4 members of staff in.

Now it comes out that the price which is £350 does not apply to the 3 sets of twins in the class they have to pay £350 for the 2 rather than £700.

DS1 really wants to go so i have said to him IF the twins are both going and only paying for one then I will be telling the school that I will pay half the price as what is good for 1 (or in this case 6 with it being 3 sets of twins) is good for all.

Am I being unreasonable to expect the price to be the same for all???

OP posts:

Jux · 08/01/2009 11:22

Last year, dd's class (year 4) went on a trip to Cornwall. It was v expensive. About 6m before they actually went, we had a note home saying that as it was so expensive they were going to charge slightly over the actual cost in order to cover for the children whose families couldn't afford it. I thought that was fine. In fact, quite a few paid more than the actual inflated price, to ensure that no one was left out. I did too, as I only have one child and cannot imagine how I would cope financially if I had more. There but for the grace of God etc.

I would be inclined to be generous in your position.

TsarChasm · 08/01/2009 11:26

I think the school should make a concession with the cost to anyone who may have trouble with funding a trip this expensive.

But more than anything this highlights that school trips costing hundreds of pounds are a ridiculous expectation for parents to find. Especially now with money so tight. I feel very strongly that they should not be putting parents in this postition in the first place.

I do worry how we will find the money to find this kind of thing x2 when my dt's are old enough for this kind of thing. I would hope we would get some kind of reduction, because it is the school that has promoted the idea of the trip in the first place

pacinofan · 08/01/2009 11:36

No, yanbu. What about the parents who have children just 9 months apart? Would they receive a discount too? I think if you start funding for twins, the school would have to offer funding in other situations too and it's just too difficult to know where to draw the line. So I would say either one pays the full amount, the same as other parents are expect to, or you can decide not to go.

chocolatedot · 08/01/2009 11:37

YANBU. Discounts should be made available on financial need.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 08/01/2009 11:40

By JuK on Thu 08-Jan-09 11:01:00
TLES, are there 6 or more children in that situation on this trip? If there are, then YANBU about that.

Yes Juk, 3 sets of twins.

However, that wasn't your original point; your OP said that you felt you should only be paying £175 for your DS. That's entirely different, IMHO

I feel that if 6 children can and are going for the fee of £175 each then why should the rest of the children be paying double that?

OP posts:

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 08/01/2009 11:52

MillyR, it has always been the same throughout the school life the sets of twins only pay for one child in whatever they do even normal trips which are sometimes as little as £2.50

Although I did refuse to pay for one trip a few months ago where we were asked for £5 towards the cost of travel and then found out they were going by public transport....ds1 is 10 and travels free.

OP posts:

Journey · 08/01/2009 12:16

I'd be furious if I found out that twins only paid for one child. I'd feel that I was indirectly paying for the twins costs. Its wrong.

The families of twins must be loving this. What a bargain at everybody elses expense.

The price should be the same for all.

ladyjuliafish · 08/01/2009 12:26

At our school the 'friends' of the school subsidise trips if parents cannot afford the full cost. The other parents aren't being charged more directly. Maybe the parents of all the twins have applied to the school for a sub and it is co-incidental that they are twins.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 08/01/2009 12:38

Lady but for every trip???

OP posts:

ladyjuliafish · 08/01/2009 14:36

If a trip was £3 then I think they would have a hard time proving that they genuinely couldn't afford it. For the pantomime a dad with 5 dcs paid £5 each instead of £16 each. I think its wrong if the school is automatically assuming that the parents of twins need to be subsidised and charge others more but in our case you have to ask for help and it is paid for through general fundraising by the friends rather than charging other parents more for a specific trip.

JuK · 08/01/2009 14:42

But paying half is NOT the same as only having to pay for one of a pair. If you went to the supermarket and there was a buy-one-get-one-free offer on biscuits, would you demand ONE pack of biscuits at half the price? It's NOT the same offer. Ditto if you wanted to buy the one packet of biscuits and get a bag of grapes free instead. That's not what's being offered, so why would you feel entitled to it?

The parents of the twins are NOT paying half per child, they're paying for the FIRST child. As everyone will.

(TBH I'm sure if you went to the school and said you could only afford £175, they'd probably say it was fine. Let's just hope the other mums don't get as incredulous about it as you though else it sounds like none of the DCs will get to go on the trip).

claw3 · 08/01/2009 14:50

Perhaps the school were given some free spaces and decided to give them, to the people who need it most?

ben5 · 08/01/2009 14:56

i would team up with another parent and say you to want to pay just£350 for both. maybe the twins could pay abit more to make it fair. what happens if you have 2 children in the school in different years. both going to same place but different times. do they get buy one get one free? bet they don't. yes it is expensive having twins buying things twice.what about those of us who have a boy and girl.we still have to buy to sets of things

littlelyn · 08/01/2009 14:59

Picking up on what Juk has said - why not pay the full £350 on the condition that your DC can take his favourite cousin along that way you too will benefit from the BOGOF logic being applied here . Are they travelling via the Orient Express to the Isle of Wight??

bellabelly · 08/01/2009 15:58

ben5, unless you are completely obsessed with dressing babies in "gender-appropriate" colours, you do NOT have to buy everything twice! Obviously, as they get older I'm sure there is less and less that can be handed down but sleepsuits? vests? cot? buggy? etc, etc. It is NOT the same!!!

Jeesh, think I am going to have to step away from this thread!

bellabelly · 08/01/2009 15:58

Jeesh, think I am going to have to step away from this thread!

bellabelly · 08/01/2009 15:59

oops

IsaacsFabMummy · 08/01/2009 16:25

YABU in the extreme. If you cannot afford the cost of the trip either ask the school for help or don't send the child and if you can afford it, then what the hell is your problem?! I cannot see how a subsidised (by the school not you) trip for another family has anything to do with you.

Just admit you are bitter about the other mother's bragging...

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 08/01/2009 16:31

Isaacs, no i am not bitter. BUT if I and other parents have to pay for our children why shouldn't the parents of the twins?

OP posts:

Lotster · 08/01/2009 16:34

YANBU - it does seem a little unfair.

Twins get "2 for the price of 1" if they want to go to private school, or the cinema, now do they?

As nice a gesture as it is, the school should expect parents to challenge this. I don't think involving your son in the row is fair though, embarrassing for him.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 08/01/2009 16:35

Lotster, I have not invlovled him, the entire class are aware of the sets of twins paying for only one of them. It is unfair...

Would love to find a cinema that lets them in 2 for 1 lol

OP posts:

littlelyn · 08/01/2009 16:36

I'm still trying to figure out how it costs £350 per child for 5 days in a chalet on the Isle of Wight....

My nephew recently returned from a ski-ing trip to Italy with the school. It cost almost £1,000 and he was expected to sleep on a sofa in the kitchen of the chalet!

mrshammond · 08/01/2009 16:51

My DD went on a school residential trip and we paid the ful price as we expected to.

One of her friends had said she didn't want to go. She then changed her mind but the list was full so she went on the reserve list. 2 weeks before departure, a place became available and he Mum was told she could go free. I was a bit as they are loaded but I said nothing and kept out of it.

I later found out that the child who had dropped out had done so because her parents had split up, they were having a tough time and had had to move out of the family home and she was really unsettled and wanted to stay at home.

They did not get a refund. I was that the, now single mother, struggling to manage, had paid for the trip for DDs friend.

Her Mum knew all of this and never once offered to pay, give the other child's mother even some of the money. She felt that as the school had dealt with it, it wasn't her problem.

YANBU - but I'm not sure what you can do?

nooka · 08/01/2009 16:53

In most primary schools there is a big trip in the last year. It is a huge effort for the teachers involved (who do it voluntarily), and yes it is quite expensive, but it is transport, accomodation, food and trips to a variety of attractions. I can still remember my trip (to Devon) and it was over twenty-five years ago. Most children know it is coming up (as do their parents) and look forward to it, as a huge highlight of their primary school life. I think it is completely different to other day trips, and I have never been in a school that offered it in any other year than the last. So the argument that the costs are the same as having children in two years is specious. I have never had to pay up large amounts for my two children (a year apart in school) at the same time, and for smaller trips saying no is much easier in any case. With twins you would have to say no to both children in any case. I suspect the school's hardship fun is being used for this reason, so as to avoid hardship to the children.

You don't like it, well go and complain. I think the school will not respond well. If all parents take the same attitude as you the trip simply won't happen, and all the children will lose out. On the other hand nothing wrong with raising the issue of this mother cheating the system, fair enough, and I really think you should report her for her benefit fraud. If you are really struggling, ask about the hardship fund to see if you can get help. The organizers of the trip will have done their best to make it as inexpensive as possible, whilst including enough activities to make it enjoyable and worth while. Please bear in mind that the school is not Tesco, this will be something the teachers have done in their own time, as best they can, for the benefit of the children.

nooka · 08/01/2009 16:55

OP, why did you bother posting here? You have clearly made up your mind, and have no interest in anyone's views unless they agree with yours.

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