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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't think I am but here goes

312 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 07/01/2009 22:29

DS1 has opportunity to go on a school journey. I was in 2 minds about letting him go mainly because there is going to be 6 chalets each with 5 children in and 1 chalet with 4 members of staff in.

Now it comes out that the price which is £350 does not apply to the 3 sets of twins in the class they have to pay £350 for the 2 rather than £700.

DS1 really wants to go so i have said to him IF the twins are both going and only paying for one then I will be telling the school that I will pay half the price as what is good for 1 (or in this case 6 with it being 3 sets of twins) is good for all.

Am I being unreasonable to expect the price to be the same for all???

OP posts:
Renni · 07/01/2009 23:50

WOW. well my veiw is she shouldn't be braggin for one and the authoritys should be keeping a better eye on her.And i think that the subserdy will be from the school not the other parents. I can see why you are miffed but having three kids were some trips have included all of them ie church trips ect i have excepted help. I think its probaly the bragin thats wound you up most which would me and the school should have put per family.

KingHerodNametaken · 07/01/2009 23:52

Goodnight, hope you haven't taken what I said to heart. Normally I agree with all your posts and POVs. Still, wouldn't life be boring if we agreed on everything all the time.

Sleep well.

DroopyKnickers · 07/01/2009 23:52

Bloody hell I have twins and I am dreading the time when they have school trips like this. They already miss out on football after school as I can't afford to pay 75 quid out in one go for a terms lessons together with their kit. All their friends go and I have massive guilt trips about it .

I wish their school was like yours!

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 07/01/2009 23:53

Renni, you are right. Her bragging is what riled me and when she stood there saying

"Oh i got a bogof for the school trip, its only cost me £350 for the twins to go, what are you paying"

Knowing full well we are to pay £350 each/

OP posts:
katch · 07/01/2009 23:54

Whatever your views on this woman and this situation, it strikes me that it's unfair to share this opinion with your DS. He's too young to be burdened with your ishoos. How does he feel about only being able to go if the twins pay full whack? Being bitter and envious of another person's situation (however justified you may be) is your perogative, but I think adults should maintain a dignified silence on these occasions and not sully young minds with poison.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 07/01/2009 23:55

King, tut i take little to heart! I have been called worse and by worse people than you lol

Won't be sleeping well i have a viral bug thats going round glands are swollen, throat hurting keep getting light headed and dr told me to take paracetomol arghhhhhhhhhhh

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 07/01/2009 23:55

I haven'#t shared it with ds1....he also told me only 1 paid

OP posts:
nooka · 07/01/2009 23:56

School trips are expensive. If you don't want to pay, and you don't like the set up, then don't sign up. You are not subsidizing the twins. Schools have hardship funds, but usually you have to make a case for them. Generally speaking if the children are 10/11 then I suspect the school is aware of their circumstances. However I think you should bear in mind that the likelihood of families with twins to not be able to afford this sort of extra is likely to be much higher than other families, and they don't have the option, as you would with children of different ages, of saying one can go and not the other because their is only the one opportunity (well you could, but that would be very poor parenting IMO).

On the benefit fraud aspect, you should report her. That is a far more serious issue than whether she is fibbing to the school about her circumstances, although it is quite possible that she is dong that too.

Regarding teachers, of course they don't pay! In truth they should be paid extra, because they will be on duty 24/7, rather than 9-3 as usual. They are not having a lovely holiday, they are making sure the children have a good time. School trips only happen because of the goodwill of teachers and volunteer parents.

The only issue to be irate about it that the school (or the parents of the twins) has been so public about the help they are offering. Usually it is very discreet.

nooka · 08/01/2009 00:01

I doubt the school have the option to use the money like that. At our school here the discretionary money was from the PTA, and ring fenced. Sorry your school didn't manage things more sensitively Custardo. I'm surprised it was the receptionist making the decisions. It was something dealt with by the Head at our UK school, and no one else should know about it. I think the school should have a word with this mum.

Technofairy · 08/01/2009 00:19

Report her again Lady E. If they've investigated once they'll still have records and be able to follow it up fairly easily. And they DO look at every allegation they get. It can be done online anonymously here.

secure.dwp.gov.uk/benefitfraud/

Hope I didn't come across as too bolshy but it frustrates the hell out of me that some people - no one here from the posts - just don't see benefit fraud for what it is - theft - from all of us. What might seem like an extra £250 quid a week actually runs into thousands of pounds over a year and we are forking out for it. Being in receipt of Income Support or Jobseekers Allowance means that you don't pay rent or council tax or water rates or prescription charges or dental charges or for college courses etc etc etc.

I think her school run earnings and cash in hand part time job would put her well over her IS entitlement and she's only allowed to work up to 16 hours anyway before she loses her entitlement - and everything else that goes with it.

She must be laughing her tits off!

Tortington · 08/01/2009 00:21

you pay water rates

Tortington · 08/01/2009 00:22

yes nooka, the head made the decision but getting past the secretary to get to the head without mentioning the 'poor fund' (my term) would be impossible

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 08/01/2009 00:37

am back ds2 woke up when i put him to bed grr lol.

Nooka, yes i know it would be bad parenting and unfair. But i also think this is a lot of money in any case. The school know dp was made redundant as we told them because there was a chance we were moving out of the area. so they know our financial situation. But the option of paying half was not given only paying it in 4 installments which didn't really help us.

OP posts:
bellabelly · 08/01/2009 00:41

If she is fraudulently claiming benefits, that is a separate issue. You could report her. Or not. Up to you.

As a mum of twins, i think you sound really mean and petty to begrudge the parents of twins the financial assistance that is being offered. You obviously have NO idea how much extra expense is involved.

As a teacher (well, am a SAHM now but taught for 12 years before having my dts), i have to say that if you think that the teachers should pay for the trip you are mental.

Theochris · 08/01/2009 00:41

For nametaken Godwin's law

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 08/01/2009 00:48

Bella but why should she be offered assistance and not I when I genuinely cannot afford it unless we as a family go without?

i think the price should be affordable for all and it is not.

OP posts:
KingHerodNametaken · 08/01/2009 00:53

For Theochris sophie's choice which, clearly, you've never seen

Theochris · 08/01/2009 00:57

I have seen it, a while back mind, I was trying to nicely say, no need to compare with the Nazis it is after all only a school trip. Seem to have crossed wires.

MadamDeathstare · 08/01/2009 01:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nooka · 08/01/2009 03:48

That's really crap Custardo. Our school had a closed envelope system. The admin might I suppose open them, but they don't police them. Then again I've not had cause to use it (no big trips) so I could be utterly wrong about what happens in practice.

LadyOfWaffle · 08/01/2009 04:03

Skipped up from OP, I personally think twins should get a reduction. The parents have to pay x 2 for everything, so a school trip must be crippling. I know it can be equally crippling for parents of 1, but, I can see the sense in it. Imagine everything you had to pay out for for school was doubled. 1/2 price for a big trip like this seems maybe a little steep, but I don't know what funs are set aside by schools. Twins for £450/500 maybe a little 'fairer'? We had to pay something (no idea what) at school (think it was to do with it being VA) and if you had two children you paid about 3/4 of the thing, which seemed fair.

jellybeans · 08/01/2009 06:56

I have twins and am already saving for their trips for a few years time. I have always paid for both but found the expenses of twins very high. I think OP is BU though as imagine if you had twins and had to find £700 when everyone else only had to stump £350! No-one chooses to have twins so some may be financially screwed if they only planned, and could afford, one child. I think being bitter about it is very mean and niave. Life isn't perfect and people will never pay the same in everything in life but for the kid's benefits (the current/future twin sibs which otherwise would be unable to go) I think the school are spot on.

PottyCockinaPearTree · 08/01/2009 07:31

Sorry, I know I've said this before on OP's threads (many of which have been deleted -babyjjbaby, your poor stepson etc) but again you come across to me as pretty bitter, selfish and angry on a very fundamental level. Sadly this often manifests itself in bullying others and I think again this is what you are steering this thread round to, in order to justify yourself.

purepurple · 08/01/2009 07:43

YABU having twins is bloody hard work, I know several sets, and I am pleased that some schools recognise this. What a fantastic school. My DD went on a school trip for a week and it cost £270 but families on benefits were subsidised by the PTFA. I was more than happy with this. Why should the children miss out? It's not their fault there are twins!

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 08/01/2009 07:45

Life isn't perfect and people will never pay the same in everything in life but for the kid's benefits

I am aware of the fact life is not perfect! Yes reduce the rate to half price for the 2nd child if need be but not half the price for both children.

PottyCockinaPearTree on Thu 08-Jan-09 07:31:09
Sorry, I know I've said this before on OP's threads (many of which have been deleted -babyjjbaby, your poor stepson etc) but again you come across to me as pretty bitter, selfish and angry on a very fundamental level. Sadly this often manifests itself in bullying others and I think again this is what you are steering this thread round to, in order to justify yourself

I have no need to justify myself Potty, I am not butter, selfish or angry. I am annoyed that while I am the other parents pay £350 for our children. As for my step son it is not a case of poor step son. He and dp had a chat over xmas and ss told him he did not want to see him anymore and the reasons for it. It has nothing to do with me, and more to do with the break up and the things ss has been told.

I do not bully anyone fgs you on the other hand seem to have a problem with every single posting i place, if you do then why read them? I do think it is unfair the way the school have done this and thats my point. This woman has and does do the things i have stated and as i said she is quite happy to stand in the playground bragging about it.

OP posts: