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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm 40 today and I'm trying really hard to have a nice time but my DH got me a cookbook

80 replies

VoluptuaGoodshag · 04/01/2009 15:34

He promised other things on the card but the shine has been taken off those already. God I feel so pathetic and childish but every other person seems to have made such a nice effort in sending me flowers and wee pressies.

I think I feel so sad that my nearest and dearest can't think of anything original or personal to get the person with whom he shares his life.

OP posts:
DumbledoresGirl · 04/01/2009 15:37

Happy Birthday! 40 is the new 20 you know

Are you absolutely 100% sure your dh isn't keeping something secret from you ie a surprise party tonight/trip to the theatre etc?

If he isn't, then he has been a bit thoughtless, but don't allow it to spoil your special day. And remember, the celebration doesn't necessarily have to be confined to the day. How about using his credit card to book something nice for next weekend?

piscesmoon · 04/01/2009 15:38

I think with some men you have to drop a lot of hints first.

sarah293 · 04/01/2009 15:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

piscesmoon · 04/01/2009 15:39

Sorry-I should have said happy birthday! If he doesn't come up with anything else I would suggest something-a night away or similar.

KatieScarlett2833 · 04/01/2009 15:39

Hi Voluptua, I was 40 yesterday and I would have been upset getting a cookbook. I got a great book about Henry VIII instead from DH.

I chose to concentrate on the fact that he planned, shopped for and held a party for last night and refused to let me help at all.

That meant more than any present.

twoluvlykids · 04/01/2009 15:39

Happy Birthday!!!

Don't let it get to you - remind him of his promises in the card if there's nothing forthcoming in a day or two....

Wish I was 40 again.....

edam · 04/01/2009 15:41

Happy birthday! Not surprised you are feeling miserable but he may have something lined up... It's my 40th in a month am hoping VERY hard dh doesn't let me down.

DumbledoresGirl · 04/01/2009 15:42

Yes, thinking back (40 was a few years ago alas!) I was the one who planned my 40th birthday celebrations. You need to decide what you would like to do or what you would like to receive, and if it can't be done today, do it next weekend instead.

Hassled · 04/01/2009 15:42

YANBU and you need to spell it out to your DH. A cookbook is one of the crappest 40th birthday presents from a husband I can think of, and of course it's going to make you feel upset. But (some) men need the blindingly obvious pointed out to them at times - he's messed up, and if you don't point this out to him he will continue to mess up.

And happy birthday

KatieScarlett2833 · 04/01/2009 15:42

Happy Birthday, BTW!!!

ABudafulSightWereHappyTonight · 04/01/2009 15:42

Happy Birthday!

I LOVE cookbooks. Would be thrilled with one.

Am 44 now and can't remember what DH got me for my birthday.

Soprana · 04/01/2009 15:43

Hmm. Difficult one. I'd love a cookbook, personally (addict), but I realise it's not everyone's cup of tea. In my dreams I imagine being bought jewellery (not diamonds; just some nice silver earrings would do) but have dropped hints in the past only to be told he'd be scared he got me something I didn't like as jewellery's a very personal thing.

At least you're getting a pressie. Some chaps don't bother, apparently (according to girlfriends of mine).

Notquitegrownup · 04/01/2009 15:43

Yeah dh got me a houseplant. Luckily, I'd already booked us a weekend away in Paris!

Go on the internet as soon as you have finished MNing, and choose somewhere for him to take you. Or if finances fail, sit down with him and find out which of the recipes in the book he is going to be cooking for you next weekend, followed by a long slow massage/trip to the theatre/whatever you fancy.

bellavita · 04/01/2009 15:45

Has to be prompted at all other times mind you!!

brimfull · 04/01/2009 15:45

awww poor you

happy 40th though!

I have to admit the thread title did make me smile.

Men are really really crap at presents.You really really do need to spell it out for them.

Have you kneed him in the bollocks yet?

bellavita · 04/01/2009 15:46

Happy Birthday though Voluptua

Original poster
VoluptuaGoodshag · 04/01/2009 15:48

I've probably made it worse by giving him lots of hints of things at Xmas coz he is so crap at buying presents, one of which included a Nigella cookbook. However he gave me a different book entirely at Xmas and I got Nigella cookbook for birthday (not the one I'd hinted at though).

I have specifically stated what I'd like and we are supposed to be going away for a night or two at a fancy hotel but I'm probably being stupidly huffy about it.

OP posts:
KatieScarlett2833 · 04/01/2009 15:49

Not at all.

It's your birthday, you can huff if you want to.

LoveMyLapTop · 04/01/2009 15:49

My DH bought me a cookbook for my 37th birthdya and I was pisseed off so would be tamping if he got me one for my 40th!
Happy Birthday.
Get him to make something nice for tea from said book!

MsG · 04/01/2009 15:57

I think some people are just not that good at getting presents! My DH admits he finds it really hard and he usually asks me for ideas.

Try not to take it personally - it doesn't mean he doesn't love you loads! xx

cornsilk · 04/01/2009 16:02

Happy birthday!
My 40th was a bit of a damp squib as well but I lurve being 40(and a bit) and fabulous!

kiltycoldbum · 04/01/2009 16:10

happy birthday!

if it makes you feel any better for my 30th my dp took a bottle of wine off the shelf (it was a very good one) and gave me that for my birthday! there was me thinking it would have been "our" wine anyway. to be fair its my fave wine and costs a bit but er bit more thought cheeky git! have i drank it? er no, its still sitting there like it has been for the past 3 or 4 years.

girlandboy · 04/01/2009 16:13

Happy Birthday, you now join the ranks of we who are 40!

I got a small bunch of flowers (from the petrol station I think) and that was it. He worked for the airline bmi at the time and even qualified for free flights, but I got nothing. I waited all day for something to happen, but basically I got f-ck all.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, and my lack of a present has rankled with me for the last 2 years. I did ask dh why he hadn't put more thought into it, and he said that he thought I wouldn't want a fuss! Dipstick!!!!

ThingOne · 04/01/2009 16:30

Sorry you are so pissed off. I find the answer is to tell my DH what I want rather than leave it to whim and chance. Some people are just not good at presents. Personally, I'm in a real cook book phase and was delighted to get three for my Christmas/birthday presents.

CharleeinChains · 04/01/2009 16:42

Happy Birthday!

I would love a cookbook for my birthday but i am a cookaholic so thats just me.

What you need to do is write a list of tings you would like then he has to pick just one or two things off it, you still get a suprise becuase you don't know which thing he will pick off your list and he will always get it right!

It's worked for dp and i for 6yrs and no bad pressies so far!