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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I'm 40 today and I'm trying really hard to have a nice time but my DH got me a cookbook

80 replies

VoluptuaGoodshag · 04/01/2009 15:34

He promised other things on the card but the shine has been taken off those already. God I feel so pathetic and childish but every other person seems to have made such a nice effort in sending me flowers and wee pressies.

I think I feel so sad that my nearest and dearest can't think of anything original or personal to get the person with whom he shares his life.

OP posts:

deste · 04/01/2009 18:15

Mine took me for a meal but had to go at 6 o clock and be back for 7.30 as the football was starting. His birthday was two weeks before mine and we went to a lot of trouble for him so its not as if he didn't know what to do.

Original poster

VoluptuaGoodshag · 04/01/2009 18:28

Here's why I'm really miffed ....

his friend is 40 next month and they are all going away skiing for the weekend. DH has 3 days off work with no worries coz he knows I'm there for the kids

I've been stating explicitly I want to go to a specific hotel for one night and he has to make all the arrangements. He then says well I'll ask my brother to babysit but we have to give something in return so we (ergo, me) can look after his two for two days during the summer holidays so they don't have to take time off work.

So it's not like he's made any fecking sacrifices.

Oh and he popped out this afo to get me a cake after considering that it might be a good idea. Came back then wondered if we'd any candles.

Everything is so 'too late' with him

And for his 40th he got a skiing weekend. I've no-one to go with unfortunately else I'd sod off skiing too.

Bah humbug

OP posts:

Hassled · 04/01/2009 18:41

I'm starting to think that a full scale hissy-fit is in order at this stage. Have you pointed out the injustice of it all? You're not sounding petulant, you're sounding quite reasonably hacked off.

Rindercella · 04/01/2009 18:42

Voluptua, Happy Birthday. I would be bloody fuming if I were you. Just not a good enough effort on his part imo, esp not for such a special birthday. I think he's going to have to seriously make this up to you (and not just by spending money on you, but by putting some serious thought into doing something special, just for you).

Try to enjoy the rest of your day though.

nappyzonehasastroppytoddler · 04/01/2009 18:49

happy birthday voluptua - i would start getting ready and if he isnt taking you out as a suprise have the said hissy fit - can u ring a girlfirend or a relative and drag them out, get paraletic drunk and party ...

failing that order inthe biggest takeaway and eat it all yourself not offering him a scrap

HaventSleptForAYear · 04/01/2009 18:58

Happy Birthday !

I feel very for you - completely understand, it really spoils the day doesn't it?

I think my DH thinks I'm spoilt because my mum always made a fuss of us on birthdays but this year I got NOTHING for my birthday (early Dec) and nothing for Xmas.

Normally DH makes it up to me with a nice necklace/earrings on New Year's Eve (anniversary of when we proposed to each other) but this year I got a hastily bought book from the local paper shop - quotes about life...

Would you like to go skiing with me!?

LucyEllensmummy · 04/01/2009 19:03

YABU sorry but you are. Do you like cooking? If you do, then he has got you something to do with something that you like to do - you asked for it too for xmas. I think that is pretty nice actually. The reason you are BU is because he is taking you away for two nights - do you know how that makes me?? No chance of that here due to childcare issues.

FWIW, my DP got me a breadmaker for xmas, this is despite the fact that i have in the past told him that if he ever got me anything "domestic" for a present i would leave him - maybe he is dropping a hint . No, what it is, actually is a response to the fact that i have got into cooking lately so he actually thought it through - brownie points to him then. He said he could have gotten me jewlery or perfume but funds were limited and i have4 that sort of thing already - no, i was really pleased with my PERSONAL present. I did tease him that he obviously sees me as more of a delia smith than Madonna type person, but today he bought me a rampant rabbit so i aint complaining .

LucyEllensmummy · 04/01/2009 19:05

X-posts, ignore everything i said, ive just read your last post - ok, so, pick a recipe, make it especially for him, with hidden laxative!

Original poster

VoluptuaGoodshag · 04/01/2009 19:11

I'd rather he hadn't even got the darn cooking book and just the card with the promise of more things to come.

And as Rindercella put it, it is the thought that goes into it. You should have seen him on the run up to his 40th what a colossal amount of time he spent on the internet until the wee small hours, getting some accommodation for them all for the trip.

Yes I could just as easily sod off myself with the same effort on my part but just for once I want someone to do something for me. The whole of Xmas was organised, sorted, wrapped, detailed totally. Same goes for the rest of the year. We moved recently and I just feel that I have made a huge effort to get us where we are just now, to the extent of even writing his presentation for his new job interview.

I know he loves me but it just never feels that way. He never does anything to make me feel special. Just for once I'd like to be treated like a Princess and didn't think it was too much to ask for my 40th. Especially as he got me bugger all, not even a card, last year and I kicked up a major fuss about it.

Sorry, I'm in a foul mood and my birthday has been shite. I'm away to break my toys now.

OP posts:

Original poster

VoluptuaGoodshag · 04/01/2009 19:14

And as for cooking. I don't mind but it's not a serious hobby. I do actually get sick of cooking every night and given that I now got a cookery book for my Xmas as well as my birthday I just feel like a fecking dreary house wifie, not a sexy goddess. And no I probably won't get a bloody shag either.

OP posts:

randomcupsoftea · 04/01/2009 19:17

What about having a weekend away just for you?

constancereader · 04/01/2009 19:18

sorry you feel so crap
i can sympathise, I would be upset too
make him suffer it will help

HaventSleptForAYear · 04/01/2009 19:19

Yes it would be nice to be spoilt, especially when you spend so much time looking after others...

It's very irritating to be last on the list of priorities.

Let me know if you think of a way to NOT resent this - it has been eating me away and building up since my birthday til now with the repeated disappointments.

Yes of course you could book something for yourself but surely you could do that anyway ? It's your money too. It's the effort that someone else puts in which counts.

lou33 · 04/01/2009 19:21

happy birthday, sorry you felt let down

i had my birthday yesterday (was 42)

i hope he makes up for it

hellogoodbye · 04/01/2009 19:21

Happy Birthday.

It was my 21st last year and I got....Nothing from DH we did have newborn though but still. We didn't have much money so I said maybe he could just clean the house or something the day before so I could have a nice relaxing day, but not even that.

SimpleAsABC · 04/01/2009 19:24

My friends dp got her a frying pan for quite a special bday. She was not amused.

randomcupsoftea · 04/01/2009 19:24

lol

fishie · 04/01/2009 19:25

happy birthday. have you had lovely family dinner, got something nice to do this evening?

dh has stopped buying me presents because he has convinced himself that he doesn't get what i really want and it is better to let me get my own. also we are deadly skint.

thanks for this thread because its my 40th next week and i will be very sad if he doesn't get me anything. had better tell him.

FlowChart · 04/01/2009 19:31

I wasn't even near 40, but the worst present I got from a DH was a washing up bowl. Seriously. The worst thing was when I thought it was a joke and was waiting for the real present - there was a real present - it was the bowl. He thought the one we had looked a bit manky. He is now an XH. Wonder why?
PS He honestly thought this was a good present. God, he was an arse!

Original poster

VoluptuaGoodshag · 04/01/2009 19:31

We went out for a family lunch to a place of my choice we'd been to before which turned out to me a bit flat unfortunately. Food wasn't very good either.

OP posts:

prettybutterfly · 04/01/2009 19:34

At least it wasn't a new ironing board cover, or a weightwatchers membership or something even worse.

Call those promises in if they don't appear by themselves + try and rise above it.

Shit, it wasn't Nigella was it? I'd divorce him for that!!

pagwatch · 04/01/2009 19:34

For my 40th my DH had booked a weekend in Venice and then decided to come out of retiremnt to play rugby again.

Broke and dislocated his ankle and we ended up sitting at home...
Happy farkin birthday Pagwatch

Original poster

VoluptuaGoodshag · 04/01/2009 19:36

It was Nigella!

OP posts:

ThingOne · 04/01/2009 19:37

Now I understand why you are upset. He needs to get is act together and do something for you. Sorry if I wasn't sympathetic enough to start with but it didn't sound like a heinous crime. But if you did lots for his 40th and he's off for a friend's, I'd be stotting.

FlowChart · 04/01/2009 19:39

Ooh the recriminations, pagwatch. Venice and all,my your dream

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