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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a party for 3 children is a step too far ?

400 replies

KatieDD · 17/12/2008 20:07

Am a bit peeved because my DD aged 4 is in a nice little group with three other girls and has today received an invite from all three to a joint party for all three of them.

Am seriously considering sending just a card.

OP posts:
Original poster
KatieDD · 17/12/2008 22:04

Peach I wasn't being sarcastic, I'm going for the Jelly and Ice cream.

OP posts:
wheresthehamster · 17/12/2008 22:04

Agree beanie! I wish people would stop posting - I need to do some ironing!

beanieb · 17/12/2008 22:05

Bexie ?

EachPeachPearMum · 17/12/2008 22:05

Ah! But what were you planning previously? [intrigued emoticon]

OhLITTLEFISHofBethlehem · 17/12/2008 22:05

KatieDD - have you read the whole thread properly? Can you not see that you are in a complete minority. Everyone is saying that you are being unreasonable. Everyone is saying that your thought processes are strange.

I really think you need to move away from the thread and go and think about it a bit more.

Mumsnet is fairly representative and if we are thinking like this, then it's pretty obvious that parents at your child's school might be thinking the same things as us.

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 17/12/2008 22:06

why the jelly and icecream - because you think it's a "cheap" option and will serve them all right for being tight on their own parties???

prettybutterfly · 17/12/2008 22:06

Katie, I think you try really, really hard to do things well and right and even to impress people a bit. This is a good thing sometimes and a bad thing at other times.

I think your head was messed with once upon a time. Do you have high-achieving parents who were very ambitious?

You have been taken advantage of a bit by the mother who didn't collect her child until 8pm (unless that was just a communications breakdown) but themums of the triple-party grls aren't trying to take advantage or do you over ... they are just having a convenient multi-party! And if it is a bit thrifty, then maybe it's because it really has to be ... you're taking this too seriously, and I think you know it.

Your reaction is extreme. It will confuse your daughters and, ultimately, mess with their heads a bit.... is this fun, or is it social competitiveness and an exercise in how to treat life as a ledger - 'getting your dues' on one side and 'being slighted' on the other?

Sounds like you're going to suck the fun out of the social whirl for everyone ...

morningpaper · 17/12/2008 22:07

But Katie you just said "[she] was just delighted to be having a party after years of watching her sisters have one."

and now you are saying she was too young to know the difference

I don't know, between this and the politically-correct cake thread I am not getting very far with my work ...

alfiemama · 17/12/2008 22:07

And what exactly are the other parties for Hello Magazine.

My ds would hate big parties, in fact he does, he has suspected asd and has total melt downs, so instead of throwing him parties, which would really just be for his friends, as he would be in the softplay area stuck screaming and sobbing, we take him somewhere nice, that we no he will enjoy as a family.

Surely thats more important than for show

OhLITTLEFISHofBethlehem · 17/12/2008 22:07

"Well she had a first birthday with her sisters and grandparents, she didn't comment much on that."

What were you expecting?????

"Oh, mummy dearest, I greatly enjoyed my celebrations and particularly appreciated the efforts you went to with my birthday cake".

She was one FFS. Why on earth would she be commenting on anything!

pooka · 17/12/2008 22:07

Hmm.

Well dd and THREE friends had a joint party this summer. They were all 5 within a couple of weeks of each other. By having a joint party it meant we were able to afford Mystical Fairies entertainment, hall hire and so on.

We each came up with a list of 12 guests. Where a person was invited by more than 1 child, their invitation was sent jointly i.e child A and child B. They would otherwise have been invited to 2 separate parties (and would presumably have bought a present each time, though TBH I couldn't care less whether presents given or not).

Where a person only known to say Child C, their invitation was from Child C only.

The 4 hosts are good friends, but not in same classes/schools so noone got an invitation from more than 2 of the 4 children.

I think YABU (Well I would, wouldn't I )

In any case, saves you having every weekend in January booked by mulitple parties.

morningpaper · 17/12/2008 22:08

(what is Mystical Fairies entertainment?)

bran · 17/12/2008 22:08

The food is completely immaterial IME, when have you ever heard a 4 or 5 year old commenting on the food (except possibly to ask where the chocolate is)? There's no point making it special, just make it non-squidgy so it's easy to pick off the floor and without e-numbers so the kids aren't bouncing off the walls.

My DS's 4th party was catered by the cafe attached to the venue which was very trendy, they served delicious stuff and my own son lead a chorus of "this is poo-poo". He wouldn't have cared if it was bowls of Weetabix for everyone, he just wanted to play and not eat.

I do have a son though, perhaps girls attach more importance to details like food and decorations.

Original poster
KatieDD · 17/12/2008 22:09

Pissing myself at the high achieving parents comment - no I think my head is just fine thank you and ran this past DH before I posted, he thinks they are tight gets too.

OP posts:
MadamDeathstarOverBethlehem · 17/12/2008 22:10

I have only read the first three pages but would you really prefer it if they each held their own small party, to which they only invited 2 or 3 of their closest friends and your DD didn't get invited to any of them?

I would be grateful for any party in January. The weather is lousy here at the moment and the children are stuck indoors most of the time.

beanieb · 17/12/2008 22:10

good post prettybutterfly.

Turniphead1 · 17/12/2008 22:11

This is so bizarre. My DD was 5 in Oct. She didn't yet know many of her class so she invited 3 friends (one from the class) to the children's theatre. She has subsequently been invited to a no. of all class birthdays, a number of parties to which only some of the class have been invited and she has been "excluded" from some other parties. No big deal. There haven't been tears and if they had I would have said she had to deal with it.

Can't bear this thought that 5 year olds can't cope with the notion of some going to a party and some not. So stupid. I don't WANT to do a party for 30 children and more importantly don't want my DC to get 30 presents...

Original poster
KatieDD · 17/12/2008 22:11

Well there we have it then Pooka, two is acceptable, three is a step to far.
Thank you for your post.

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 17/12/2008 22:12

I think they should all be in the interests of the DC and nothing to do with the social insecurities or point scoring of the mums!
I can't believe I am posting on here-I have been ill and off work all week which is my excuse. I have read 2 and a half books and am giving opinions on everything-I think I am getting a surfeit!

pooka · 17/12/2008 22:12

Just to emphasise the point - it doesn't matter a whit how much is spent on a present, if anything at all. That isn't the point as far as I am aware in children having birthday parties.

beanieb · 17/12/2008 22:12

"tight gets"?

EachPeachPearMum · 17/12/2008 22:13

MP- what is the PC cake thread????

Katie- I'm sorry-you (and DH) seem obsessed with money, though perhaps that is understandable if he lost his job?

Original poster
KatieDD · 17/12/2008 22:14

Again Pooka, that is exactly my point that DD doesn't get to go to 3 parties or even 2, it's one.

OP posts:
pooka · 17/12/2008 22:14

Ah but if any of the invitees had been particular friends of more than 2 of the hostesses, then they would have been invited by 3 or even 4.

Just happened not to be the case, that's all.

And the joint party was not for penny-pinching reasons (though nothing wrong with than IMO) - but because it made sense to go joint practically.

MadamDeathstarOverBethlehem · 17/12/2008 22:15

If you want to give them a free gift, how about collecting all the ribbons, bows, wrapping paper, cards, catalogs etc you can. Download craft instructions from the internet and put everything together with glue, tape, glitter, sequins and scissors into craft kits for the children.

Then you have taken the high ground by recycling, putting a lot of thought into the gifts and giving the children things to do for the rest of the Winter which will stretch their imaginations.

Alternatively give them a wooden spoon and a nail each and tell them that's all you had to play with when you were a girl.

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