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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a party for 3 children is a step too far ?

400 replies

KatieDD · 17/12/2008 20:07

Am a bit peeved because my DD aged 4 is in a nice little group with three other girls and has today received an invite from all three to a joint party for all three of them.

Am seriously considering sending just a card.

OP posts:
beanieb · 17/12/2008 22:15

I want to know what Mystical faries entertainment is too ...

alfiemama · 17/12/2008 22:15

surely your dd has other things going on in her life than parties

prettybutterfly · 17/12/2008 22:17

You heard it here folks ... thrift is BAD. Saving a penny on a party means you are taking advantage of other mothers and children who are expecting a fair return on their financial investment in YOU (aka birthday party)!

pooka · 17/12/2008 22:17

Does that really matter though? I personally have been pleased when dd has been invited to joint affairs because it takes away the potential for party clashes.

I don't see what this has to do with the cost of the presents you want to take, or the cost of running the party? Or am I missing a massive leap where it's turned out that that wasn't the point you were making.

sprogger · 17/12/2008 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

morningpaper · 17/12/2008 22:18

The Pastries of Patriachy discussion

Merrylegs · 17/12/2008 22:18

"I think the other thing is I was planning a big Princess party for my DD in April, I'm planning to be pregnant next year, DH isn't working so I thought I'd do something very special for DD3 5th party as if things don't pick up it'll probably be the only one she has, but as nobody else seems to be making an effort I'm inclined to think fuck it...."

katieDD's dd - 'er what do you mean, mummy? Is the party meant to be for me, or for all those other people not making an effort. What's 'an effort' mummy? And why did you say the bad word?"

ChippyMyrrhton · 17/12/2008 22:20

MP give us a quick update on the bake-send dynamic - that thread has got too long

Original poster
KatieDD · 17/12/2008 22:20

Of course she has other things, look maybe i'm just over protective because I don't like to think that my 2nd and 3rd child are treated differently from my 1st child who went to loads of lovely parties and had lots of lovely parties.
It puts me in a difficult position because DD has seen what her sisters have had and I want them for her, whether she does or not.
And rightly or wrongly I'm a bit peeved that I am going to be making a huge effort for people that can't even be arsed to organise a village hall and clown each, they have to do that between three of them.

OP posts:
pooka · 17/12/2008 22:20

Oh dear - mystical fairies is a shop in Hampstead/Bluewater where they run fairy workshops (I know, I know - god knows how and why this appeals to dd). they also come out and "entertain". Tinkerbell was failed actress/page 3 stunna from the looks of her and Peter Pan was obviously also a resting actor. But they did an excellent job and dd and the other children had a ball. But ££ - more than would have been able to justify for a lone party for dd but more reasonable split 4 ways.

www.mysticalfairies.co.uk

prettybutterfly · 17/12/2008 22:21

MP, the Pastries of Patriarchy is a very high class thread inDEED. Throughly enjoying.

prettybutterfly · 17/12/2008 22:22

It's not that they can't be arsed though is it? You said they were "tight".

Original poster
KatieDD · 17/12/2008 22:23

Pooka, other people thought I was bitching about spending £10 x 3 presents, I wasn't I'd happily do that whether there was any party or not, it's the lack of parties I'm pissed off about.

OP posts:
FrostytheSurfmum · 17/12/2008 22:23

You aren't doing it for them, you're doing it for your dd. Aren't you?

I can't believe that if she has only had 1 party so far and loves parties, that you are thinking now of not organising one for her as you think the other mums are "tight".

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 17/12/2008 22:24

but what you don't seem to realise KDD that "lovely" parties to children don't equate to money - it equates to how much they enjoyed it. They don't really give a flying fuck if you spend £250 or £25 on the party as long as they have fun.

Original poster
KatieDD · 17/12/2008 22:24

Butterfly, it's a northern thing I think, being tight would mean financial or just lazy/can't be bothered.

OP posts:
EachPeachPearMum · 17/12/2008 22:24

Thanks MP.

LadyG · 17/12/2008 22:25

Hmm I love joint parties-less weekend schlepping to soft play centres. And i love parties but smaller ones at home not the 'invite the class' thing which seems to be in fashion.

I think you (KatieDD) made a real effort for your daughter which is lovely but the point of having a party was that she would enjoy it and feel special surely not that she would have 29 parties to go to? I think other parents with younger children ( speaking as one with a 3 yr old and 6 month old) might find it too much to have 30 children over and as others have said the soft play thing is not cheap (or even that much fun imo).
Other parents may not have the financial means or the time/energy right now to put in the effort. Do have another lovely thing for DDs next birthday-she will love it and be happy that she has a mummy who goes to so much effort. don't do it expecting a 'return'-surely seeing daughter's happy face should be enough???

ChippyMyrrhton · 17/12/2008 22:25

"can't even be arsed to organise a village hall and clown each" I for one couldn't be arsed to entertain other people's little darlings at 200 quid a time, no matter how many presents they brought!

NCRedBreastedBirdy · 17/12/2008 22:26

How on earth do you know they are being tight before you go to the party?

Perhaps they thought, if we have individual parties we can afford 10 people to the local hell pit soft play area. But if we have a joint party we can afford 30 children, a disco/magician and some top of the line party bags. Until you get there you have no idea!

Dd may have 3 times as much fun at this one party, again, until you get there you don't know!

FWIW, myself and my children HATE the kind of party you describe - those ones where 30 young children are expected to be lovely and have a lovely time with lovely cake ... My idea of a great party is a few friends doing whatever is their favorite thing at the time with some extras thrown in. Our parties are the most popular every year (and have been for years) even the "popular" children spend weeks trying to get invited whereas most children I know try anything to get out of a class party. The reason for our success is that we put in lots of imagination and effort - not just money.

I understand you want three parties but, really, this is not about you!

IdrisTheDragon · 17/12/2008 22:28

Have read whole thread.

Really can't understand why you are getting so concerned about this. It isn't some right children have to go to parties - if they happen they happen, and if they don't they don't.

Not sure what you think of the fact DD, 3 had only a few people to our house for her birthday as that's what she wanted and will almost certainly do the same next year. She doesn't like big parties and so I would hardly hold one for her. I hope no one would feel that I couldn't be bothered to hold a larger gathering.

DS 5 had a party with about 20 children, in a village hall with a bouncy castle. He invited some children from his class, some children from the class above, who he likes, and some other children we know. I again hope no one felt left out of this party. I don't seem to have been shunned by anyone yet, so and feeling safe so far.

lou031205 · 17/12/2008 22:28

"I'm a bit peeved that I am going to be making a huge effort for people that can't even be arsed to organise a village hall and clown each, they have to do that between three of them."

Then who is the party really for, Katie? Is it for your DD, or is it for the intended impressed & blessed?

Because if it is for the party girl(s), then they won't care that there was only one clown between three of them.

I hope you aren't sharing your sentiments with your DD?

wheresthehamster · 17/12/2008 22:29

"And rightly or wrongly I'm a bit peeved that I am going to be making a huge effort for people that can't even be arsed to organise a village hall and clown each, they have to do that between three of them."

IT'S NOT FOR 'OTHER PEOPLE' IT'S FOR YOUR DD!!!!

zenandtheartofbaking · 17/12/2008 22:29

KatieDD - I think I love you. Your daughter is going to be the queen of an adoring circle of gay men when she grows up.
You're quite right; a life lived with a parsimonious and cheese-paring attitude towards partying is a life robbed of everything that makes it glittery.

Alas, the majority of the world is far too pragmatic about these things.

bran · 17/12/2008 22:29

KatieDD - either you are making a huge effort to have a fab party for your DD3 because she wants it OR you are making a huge effort because you expect the effort to be returned. In the first case it doesn't matter what the other parents do so long as your DD3 appreciates her party. In the second case you are clearly BU, entertainment as social advancement is (and should be) purely an adult phenomenon, except for places like Hollywood where they are clearly barking mad anyway.