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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a party for 3 children is a step too far ?

400 replies

KatieDD · 17/12/2008 20:07

Am a bit peeved because my DD aged 4 is in a nice little group with three other girls and has today received an invite from all three to a joint party for all three of them.

Am seriously considering sending just a card.

OP posts:
morningpaper · 17/12/2008 21:38

I actually choked on the claim that FAQ's world is very different from most peoples

Really it is QUITE NORMAL faq, don't panic

It's pretty rare for a present to be expensive IMO (£10) unless a good friend - mostly a book or jigsaw or £3 party game from Asda is MORE than enough

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 17/12/2008 21:39

and FWIW - none of DS2's birthday presents from his friends cost over £10

And no I wasn't delibaretly nosey - we have an extremely limited selection of places to shop for toys in our town and I was out last Friday scouring the shelves for bargains for the DS's Christmas presents and saw all of them while looking for stuff to get

Divineintervention · 17/12/2008 21:39

Money???? I thought this was about birthday celebrations.

OhLITTLEFISHofBethlehem · 17/12/2008 21:40

Really KatieDD - you're investing far to much energy and emotion in this issue. You sound really anxious about your dd being invited to parties.

Have the parties happened without your dd being invited? In which case, you may need to reflect a little on how you come across to the other parents. A lot of parties at this age are still about who the parents are friends with, rather than the children. Could it be that you come over as a bit superior, or Alpha mummy'ish?

Sorry if that seems harsh, but you're not really presenting yourself in a good light on this thread.

daftpunk · 17/12/2008 21:41

thing is guadalupe...i would never think..oh it's a joint party the parents have got it a bit cheap so i'll spend less on their children...i would never do that..

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 17/12/2008 21:41

what??? what do you mean MP? You mean my world is normal .

Divineintervention · 17/12/2008 21:42

As a rule of thumb, you should invite the number of children plus two of the child's age.

FrostytheSurfmum · 17/12/2008 21:43

I agree with happywomble to a point.

If KatieDD's dd has only been to one party, then I can see why she would love her to go to a few more, as they do love going to parties.

But that's as far as it goes. If these children are good friends with her dd, like she says they are, then surely she will be buing them presents regardless of whether a party is even held or not?

DD's best friend lives in a 7 bedroom house, they are loaded. She had her birthday party as a day out at a local farm park and we all brought something to contribute to a picnic. It didn't even occur to me that I wasn't getting "value for money" for our gift, that I was in effect paying to go to the party.

Original poster
KatieDD · 17/12/2008 21:43

Well peach, silly me I thought it was a nice thing to do for DD and the other children.

I don't want half the class over to my house, my children have other things to do after school and most people work anyway so don't even get me started on using us as unpaid childcare and getting your child fed regularly which has happened in my eldest year group.
One mother picked her child up from ours at 8pm. I won't be allowing that situation to occur again I can tell you.

OP posts:
EachPeachPearMum · 17/12/2008 21:43

This is why I never come on AIBU... I just don't understand it tbh.

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 17/12/2008 21:44

"As a rule of thumb, you should invite the number of children plus two of the child's age. "

ooooo bugger - I'd better start finding phone numbers of friends I haven't seen for years for my birthday bash next year

Guadalupe · 17/12/2008 21:44

Well, someone else might have to do that if they can't afford it, not because they're thinking the parents are being cheap. There's still the issue of it being an exchange then isn't there, rather than thinking, oh good, a party, and buying what you can afford.

wheresthehamster · 17/12/2008 21:46

Yes,I'm struggling with that as well Peachy. OP - did your dd actually know all the children who came to her party? Sounds slightly odd to me. Especially as it was done solely as an 'investment'

alfiemama · 17/12/2008 21:46

Well thats prob why she isnt getting invited to parties, she actually has to make friends with them, and to do that they need to socialise, ie invite friends over.

You wouldnt want your dd to have friends that just used her to come to her parties would you?

ScottishMummy · 17/12/2008 21:47

thing is "rules of thumb" are prissy and suckass.dont do 'em my BUT if i did my rule of thumb for a good party would be half my age plus 2 bottles of wine

wheresthehamster · 17/12/2008 21:47

EPPM - not Peachy - getting muddled

daftpunk · 17/12/2008 21:49

tbh, if birthday parties wern't an exchange (of sorts) no one would buy anything would they? everyone would just turn up..scream for an hour and go home.

breadandroses · 17/12/2008 21:49

Jesus Katie, d'you have pmt?

Original poster
KatieDD · 17/12/2008 21:49

She isn't getting invited because the parties aren't happening.
It's not a case of my child isn't being invited, nobody is holding them I am good enough friends with a cross selection of the parents, alot of who have children in my older child's class.
And when you are 5 you do invite people just because they are in your class, my older daughter picks and chooses at 8 but at 5 it was a case of everybody comes like them or not, you don't leave little ones out.

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 17/12/2008 21:49

I think life is too short to worry about such a trivial matter. They get party invites- accept or decline. When your DC has a birthday have a party, or don't have a party -invite whoever you want. If they go all year without a party it doesn't matter-I actually hated parties at that age!

OhLITTLEFISHofBethlehem · 17/12/2008 21:50

Wheresthehamster - I refer you to my earlier post.

"If I received an invitation from someone I had never met before, whose child was not at nursery with mine, 5 months before they started school, I think I would think they were a bit over anxious, a bit controlling and a bit of an alpha mummy.

Lighten up woman ."

Original poster
KatieDD · 17/12/2008 21:50

No Hamster she didn't know them and that was the investment, getting to know them, nothing more.

OP posts:
morningpaper · 17/12/2008 21:51

Katie are you complaining then that your DD's class is not having all-class parties, whereas your other children at that age DID have classes where they all had all-class parties?

I'm confused about the problems!

If your older children are being invited to up to 50 parties a year, why not just ask if your DD3 can go along? Perhaps she'll make friends with younger siblings?

EachPeachPearMum · 17/12/2008 21:51

Sorry Katie I suppose it depends on your DD- mine would have been scared of having children she did not know at her birthday party, so I wouldn't dream of doing it. Tbh- if a mother of the prospective school DD was starting 6 months down the line had sent an invite to a party, I think we would have turned it down, as DD would not be comfortable in a situation where she didn't know the birthday girl.

I am sorry if you've had bad experiences with previous play dates for older children, obviously that would make you wary.

Personally I don't like whole class parties- I think they are ott- no child could like every child in their class- so why would they want them at their birthday?
The ones we have attended so far have just smacked of consumption for consumption's sake, rather than for the enjoyment of the birthday child, who has been overwhelmed by all the attention, they have been rather lavish and more about the parents, and what they want other people to think about them.

Guadalupe · 17/12/2008 21:52

True, daftpunk, but I can't see why it's such a big deal, either buy three presents at your normal price, or don't. It's easy.

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