Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

to not want nieces/nephews to visit newborn

141 replies

SalBySea · 15/12/2008 16:44

hi, I am pregnant with my first child and I am just wondering if this is a normal/reasonable concern or not:

Our nieces/nephews are in nursery and reception. I dont think that they should visit our baby until its a few weeks old and has build up a bit more of an immune system. Am I being over protective? If you think I'm reasonable, what's the most diplomatic way to say this to families, dont want them thinking that I think their kids are sickly, lurgy ridden things with cooties.

OP posts:

Original poster

SalBySea · 15/12/2008 20:32

how was that a reply to that?

I think it was out of order for her to invite me round to a house full of sick people without letting me know they were sick, and them moan about the person who "let" their kid pass it on to her kid.
This opinion has nothing to do with my lack of kids - I would always tell people if I'm full of lurgie before they visit, some still do some dont but its only right to let people know first, I am pretty sure I will continue to do so when I have kids.

And I dont reacall any post where anyone said they thought my friend was reasonable to invite people round to a house where people were off sick and say nothing about the bug till they got there. I posted that story in reply to the people who said that people are clever enough to stay away if they are ill anyway because some people clearly are not.

OP posts:

littletownofmeglethem · 15/12/2008 20:33

yanbu.

all i wanted after i had my dc's was peace and quiet. had lots of visitors first time round and I couldn't bare it. second time I poiltey e-mailed my family and asked for some space to recover and establish bf. DP also told his parents we didn't want hospital visits so they left it a couple of weeks before they came to see us. it was bliss having time to ourselves.

i never worried about germs BTW, I just needed to get used to my baby in peace.

MummyGorilla · 15/12/2008 20:33

I agree WInky.

I got completely flamed ages ago for being surprised that a mother had taken a 3 day old baby out to a shopping mall. I think a bit of peace and quiet to adjust to being born/becoming a mum is a good thing. And I think the majority of people in RL think that too - certainly my mother's generation and older.

MmeHereWeGoAWassailLindt · 15/12/2008 20:33

FunnyPeculiar's idea is good.

I was not too popular with dh's family as I limited visiting hours when we had DD.

nkf · 15/12/2008 20:35

Hmm Interesting. I think it's a bit silly myslf but then I loved visitors when I had a newborn.

MrsSnape · 15/12/2008 20:37

I wouldn't have toddlers near a newborn. When I brought DS1 out of hospital, MIL insisted on the nephew and niece coming to see him. The boy (about 3 years old at the time) smacked DS1 right on the top of the head. They then ran around screaming for half an hour.

It took me YEARS to stop being bitter and twisted about it.

Original poster

SalBySea · 15/12/2008 20:39

how does this sound -

re. hospital visits: grandmothers only (am only having DH & medical staff in the room when in labour and shortly after and dont care if that is reasonable or not)

after that if we say we will let people know as soon as we are up to visits and have a few days to ourselves. Then (if we are all well enough) let all other family know that we are ready for short hour or so visits?

Does that sound okay? Obviously I am not gonna set anything in stone now as dont know how we'll feel

OP posts:

littletownofmeglethem · 15/12/2008 20:40

i think thats sensible.

MmeHereWeGoAWassailLindt · 15/12/2008 20:41

That sounds perfect. You might find that you are dying for dome company after the first week so you can arrange some visits.

MrsFogi · 15/12/2008 20:42

Your new baby. Your first few precious days and weeks. Totally understandable, toddlers are bug-ridden (although delightful) things. I think yanbu. I'd be fine if any of my relations didn't want my dds to visit for a few weeks.

Original poster

SalBySea · 15/12/2008 20:47

hopefully I wont tread on any toes then - should be alright though considering one set of inlaws keep family away till their DCs christenings - even though I would secretly like to I would never go that far but I do understand why that SIL does it, some family members are hard work and need a lot of looking after when they visit, they definately wouldnt make themselves a cuppa or anything

OP posts:

SantasNuttySTaff · 15/12/2008 20:51

Sal take all the time you need and have people round when your ready and have got used to having your lo, the first few days/weeks are v special especially when its your first.

do things in your own time most people will understand that you want a bit of alone time with your newborn xx

ThingOne · 15/12/2008 20:52

I was delighted to live so far away from my family that we got peace and quiet for about a week after DS1 was born. You are right that motherhood takes a lot of getting used to.

A bit of blobbing around in your PJs and not worrying about what angle your norks are at as your get the hang of breastfeeding is a good thing. "Babymooning" is the bees knees.

I think it's perfectly fine and sensible to say you don't want anyone to stay more than an hour for the first week or two. But it is true that you will get more tired later. It's a lie that you get less tired in a few weeks - you will get more and more tired.

It's also fine to joke and tell your SIL you won't be catering as you don't think your organisational skills are up to having your first baby and looking after other people. Ask her to bring lunch for all of you.

Of course, YABU about toddlers but I've been there and blush at my early fear of these apparently scary monsters. You'll have one soon yourself, you know, and you do have to get used to them some time. Start with small doses!

loler · 15/12/2008 20:54

I wanted to show off my dc to everyone and anyone and for them to all tell me how beautiful they were and how clever I was. I would just tell your family that you won't know how you feel until after you've had the baby and that you'll let dh make plans as soon as it's born. He's a big boy and will be able to fend off unwelcome visitors.

Also as his family has had their own young dc they are likely to remember the feeling of have hundreds of visitors. You might find that they arrive with lots of food and helpful intensions for very brief visits.

Good luck - stop worrying about everything and enjoy your last moments of childfreedom!

TisTheSeasonToBeSunny · 15/12/2008 21:02

Message withdrawn

jazzandh · 16/12/2008 19:37

I didn't want a load of germy people around with ds when he was born and just disappeared - quite rudely probably- when everyone descended. Luckily DH was even more precious than me - so he just picked up the flak.

To be honest people sharing their germs around still piss me off and DS is 4! You just don't need extra aggravation.

If they come insist they wash hands - most people have a distinctly poor sense of hygiene...yuk! There is a reason why things like the norovirus are so prevalent!

Stick to your guns - you will have a baby - not a museum exhibit!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread