Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want nieces/nephews to visit newborn

141 replies

SalBySea · 15/12/2008 16:44

hi, I am pregnant with my first child and I am just wondering if this is a normal/reasonable concern or not:

Our nieces/nephews are in nursery and reception. I dont think that they should visit our baby until its a few weeks old and has build up a bit more of an immune system. Am I being over protective? If you think I'm reasonable, what's the most diplomatic way to say this to families, dont want them thinking that I think their kids are sickly, lurgy ridden things with cooties.

OP posts:
Original poster
SalBySea · 15/12/2008 17:12

"did you go and visit your newborn nieces and nephews?" no never in the first fortnight.

OP posts:
WalkingInAWonderStuffingLand · 15/12/2008 17:13

If you bfeed then your lo will probably shrug off any colds quite quickly, dd had one when she was about 4 weeks old and it only lasted 24 hours. Little babies are very dull, the neices and nephews will be very excited to see new baby but will loose interest in about 2 minutes so won't breathe over the baby much really
Get dh to co-ordinate visitors and make tea, imo best to see them whilst he is about. A week of just you and DH with newborn is reasonable imo and maybe better to tell relatives this than suggest the lo be protected from his cousins? My dh organised for everyone to come over the Saturday I came out of hospital, I was a bit totally shattered, but it did get all the visitors off our back for a while.

WinkyWinkola · 15/12/2008 17:13

Not sure how that's relevant anyway.

crokky · 15/12/2008 17:14

I think you are being a bit over anxious. I have a tendency to this myself!

I have a 2.9yo and a 9mo. The day my 2.9yo was born, my mum got a cold. He didn't catch it anyway, but the MW said he would be fine even if he had caught a cold (he was delivered at 37 weeks due to complications, but she still said it would be fine).

Your baby will be VERY well protected by breastmilk. My toddler last week picked up the Norovirus D&V bug and gave it to everyone apart from my baby, who the doc said was very well protected by breastmilk. I even vomited whilst feeding her and fed her a number of times whilst I had the bug and she still didn't get it.

Anyway, if your siblings/siblings in law are nice people, just admit to them that you feel very anxious about the new baby and please could they wash their toddlers hands. I would not let my DS touch anyone's newborn without washing his hands first, as he is a typical toddler - a dirty little bugger! Even if he didn't wash his hands, it would be fine anyway as the little colds and bugs won't harm your baby. Like another poster said, the jabs are mainly for diseases like polio etc which your nieces and nephews won't be carrying.

I wouldn't take a new baby to be mauled by a load of toddlers at a toddler group, but your family's children, provided they have not been ill in the last couple of days and have washed their hands, should be fine.

seeker · 15/12/2008 17:14

I had tons of visitors of all ages and loved it. But I did ask all children to wash their hands before touching the babies.

MmeHereWeGoAWassailLindt · 15/12/2008 17:15

It depends on your visitors. If they are the kind of relatives that ShowOfHands has, then hide under the bed till they go away.

If they will make their own tea and even bring their own cake/biscuits then make arrangements when you feel up to it.

Do tell them that it is because you are stm not up to visitors if you have to put them off, not because you are frightened that their DCs will pass on the plague. First excuse is acceptable, the second as you can tell from these responses is not

WorzselMincepieYummage · 15/12/2008 17:16

2 month !

DD was prem and was discharged when she would have been 36 weeks gestation, we were told just to get on with it and were out shopping and stuff before she should have been born.

If it makes any difference she's 4 now and has only ever had 1 course of antibiotics and is rarely ill.

I am kind of the opinion that germs are good.

Original poster
SalBySea · 15/12/2008 17:18

"Do tell them that it is because you are stm not up to visitors if you have to put them off, not because you are frightened that their DCs will pass on the plague. First excuse is acceptable, the second as you can tell from these responses is not"
yip, got that, thanks everyone
still wish I could say adults only, mainly for the sake of peace and just not wanting the house full up and heaving, but I wont.

OP posts:
MilkMonitor · 15/12/2008 17:19

It's been established it's not really germs the OP is concerned about.

Lulumama · 15/12/2008 17:21

did you mean how was the visiting the nieces and nephews relevant?

because if the OP had visited immediately, it could well be taken rather badly by her relatives.

i think if it is more about being too tired etc. then it is fine to have a few days to get settled at home, but not leaving it weeeks or months

also, your DH should try to be around to make tea and offer biccies.. if they have their own DCs no doubt they will understand and not expect a 3 course lunch

Original poster
SalBySea · 15/12/2008 17:24

"I am kind of the opinion that germs are good." Oh me too in general. Like I said before I am not part of the detol brigade at all (and grew up on a farm in mud and sometimes animal poo)

However I DONT trust people to stay away if they're ill. Am currently suffering from tonsillitis after visiting a friend who invited me without telling me that her kids were ill - early in my pregnancy I had to take antibiotics when I got a particularly nasty bug off the same kids. I am generally quite resilient to bugs and dont catch everything going, but the bugs her kids seem to pick up at nursery seem to be particularly strong ones. I just thought that it would be best to try to avoid them when the baby is brand new but I stand corrected on that.

OP posts:
MummyGorilla · 15/12/2008 17:24

Sal, I think you do have a point, I wouldn't have wanted a load of boisterous toddlers round when DS was first born - too hectic.

Most of my friends came on their own for a first visit, then the children came with them later, after a couple of weeks. People with lots of children can forget how daunting having your first can be, a quick reminder to over-excited would-be visitors that you and DH are still settling down to it is fine.

Tell them they can come at 11o'c but suggest that 'x pub is nice for lunch' etc.

Cathpot · 15/12/2008 17:25

I think the general advice that your baby will be fine, and not to worry is right, but also it is perfectly normal to feel unreasonably overprotective of your newborn, that's your job, that is why they survive.

You need to pick a path that allows you to stay comfortable without upsetting everyone. So, by all means have some quiet time after the birth, probably a good idea anyway, and then manage the visits. Hang onto the baby yourself when kids are over, bend down to show them, then stand up and jiggle when you've had enough. As others have said they will get bored quickly.

georgimama · 15/12/2008 17:25

I think also OP you may be underestimating how much you will want to show off your new baby, and you won't care about germs, untidy houses, milling people and cups of tea (as long as someone makes you one). I let it all wash over me in the first couple of weeks, everyone and his dog came to see DS and I really didn't mind. I think I might have thought I would mind how many people descended on me, if I had thought about it in advance.

lou031205 · 15/12/2008 17:27

YABU from the reasoning in your op, but not BU in wanting long visits in general to wait.

MummyGorilla · 15/12/2008 17:27

And I don't think friends bringing their children to see a week-old baby is the same as the baby's cousins coming.

Original poster
SalBySea · 15/12/2008 17:27

"did you mean how was the visiting the nieces and nephews relevant?

because if the OP had visited immediately, it could well be taken rather badly by her relatives.

i think if it is more about being too tired etc. then it is fine to have a few days to get settled at home, but not leaving it weeeks or months

also, your DH should try to be around to make tea and offer biccies.. if they have their own DCs no doubt they will understand and not expect a 3 course lunch"

I feel so new to it all that a few days doesnt seem nearly enough to get used to having a little baby

the aunts and uncles have 2 hr drives each way which is one of the reasons why I am worried about it - after a drive that long they're not gonna all bundle back into the car and head home after a quick peek are they? their kids will be hungry etc

OP posts:
ephrinedaily · 15/12/2008 17:28

OP - my DS came home from hospital at 7 days old (he was prem) in a car seat on the northern line. He is now 13 months and has only just been ill for the first time. Please please do not worry about infections from your nieces and nephews. I'm sure their parents will not bring them if they are ill.

jabberwocky · 15/12/2008 17:28

Our ds2 was born at 36+4 and weighed only 4 lbs 13 oz when we brought him home. Our pediatrician recommended limited contact until he reached 7 pounds. My best friend was rather miffed that I didn't let her bring her two kids over the first week but they had constant runny noses and I just didn't feel comfortable. Do whatever makes you feel OK - it's your baby after all.

notnowbernard · 15/12/2008 17:29

Let them come

But tell them to bring their own lunch (sarnies, pizza or packed lunch for the kids)

Am sure the parents will bring stuff to occupy the kids with

If you plan on bf I am certain your baby will not pick up anything (mine never did and were surrounded from day 1)

MmeHereWeGoAWassailLindt · 15/12/2008 17:30

Are your visitors the type to take offence if you asked them not to stay too long with their lively offspring? I would not be annoyed at a new parent asking me this as I know what it was like.

The other option is to meet in a child friendly cafe so that the other children are distracted. And you have no work.

Original poster
SalBySea · 15/12/2008 17:32

"Most of my friends came on their own for a first visit, then the children came with them later, after a couple of weeks"

That would be ideal IMO. however we have NEVER seen SIL without her kids, husband AND mother so cannot imagine her comming alone this time. I think she relies on her DH to drive on longer journeys (as in past the local shops) and would bawk at the thought of driving down here alone.

OP posts:
travellingwilbury · 15/12/2008 17:34

I got all the manic visiting done pretty quickly . I figured if I let everyone come within the first week and coo and fuss over the baby they were more likely to be sympathetic and helpful , and also dh was around for the first couple of weeks so he could also be helpful .

If you leave it even just a month then by the time they come they will be expecting much more from you in respect of hospitality (IMHO)

Get it done early and enjoy the gifts , also if they ask if they can bring you anything ALWAYS say yes please something tasty to eat would be great

Lulumama · 15/12/2008 17:35

why not just delay telling people when you are home from the hospital to give yourselves more time...?

VinegarTitsTheSeasonToBeJolly · 15/12/2008 17:35

Well its your kid but i think your being ott

When/if you have dc2 you will look back and realise how silly you were