Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want nieces/nephews to visit newborn

141 replies

SalBySea · 15/12/2008 16:44

hi, I am pregnant with my first child and I am just wondering if this is a normal/reasonable concern or not:

Our nieces/nephews are in nursery and reception. I dont think that they should visit our baby until its a few weeks old and has build up a bit more of an immune system. Am I being over protective? If you think I'm reasonable, what's the most diplomatic way to say this to families, dont want them thinking that I think their kids are sickly, lurgy ridden things with cooties.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 15/12/2008 17:00

you risk falling out with the parents of your nieces and nephews, ie your sister/ brother / SIL / BIl

your child will be exposed to germs from teh minute they are delivered, will you ask the MW not to breathe over them? being born in a hospital is quite risky in terms of infectiosn and bugs

you are being overly protective but i understand why but you run the risk of alientating your family

cory · 15/12/2008 17:00

Well, that makes sense. I would say that you need a week at home to rest, and that you will then let them know when you are ready for visits. Not committing yourself to anything. And don't for heaven's sake commit yourself to staying inside and protecting your baby for 2 months, because you may find you are climbing off the walls after the first fortnight.

VinegarTitsTheSeasonToBeJolly · 15/12/2008 17:01

My nieces and nephew came to vist ds2 the day we came out of hospital

He survived and i didnt have to wrap him in bubblewrap or swill them with dettol either

Very pfb if you ask me

VinegarTitsTheSeasonToBeJolly · 15/12/2008 17:01

My nieces and nephew came to vist ds2 the day we came out of hospital

He survived and i didnt have to wrap him in bubblewrap or swill them with dettol either

Very pfb if you ask me

VinegarTitsTheSeasonToBeJolly · 15/12/2008 17:01

My nieces and nephew came to vist ds2 the day we came out of hospital

He survived and i didnt have to wrap him in bubblewrap or swill them with dettol either

Very pfb if you ask me

VinegarTitsTheSeasonToBeJolly · 15/12/2008 17:01

My nieces and nephew came to vist ds2 the day we came out of hospital

He survived and i didnt have to wrap him in bubblewrap or swill them with dettol either

Very pfb if you ask me

VinegarTitsTheSeasonToBeJolly · 15/12/2008 17:01

My nieces and nephew came to vist ds2 the day we came out of hospital

He survived and i didnt have to wrap him in bubblewrap or swill them with dettol either

Very pfb if you ask me

VinegarTitsTheSeasonToBeJolly · 15/12/2008 17:01

My nieces and nephew came to vist ds2 the day we came out of hospital

He survived and i didnt have to wrap him in bubblewrap or swill them with dettol either

Very pfb if you ask me

VinegarTitsTheSeasonToBeJolly · 15/12/2008 17:01

My nieces and nephew came to vist ds2 the day we came out of hospital

He survived and i didnt have to wrap him in bubblewrap or swill them with dettol either

Very pfb if you ask me

VinegarTitsTheSeasonToBeJolly · 15/12/2008 17:01

My nieces and nephew came to vist ds2 the day we came out of hospital

He survived and i didnt have to wrap him in bubblewrap or swill them with dettol either

Very pfb if you ask me

VinegarTitsTheSeasonToBeJolly · 15/12/2008 17:01

My nieces and nephew came to vist ds2 the day we came out of hospital

He survived and i didnt have to wrap him in bubblewrap or swill them with dettol either

Very pfb if you ask me

MerryMadMarg · 15/12/2008 17:02

I can understand where you're coming from, but if your close to your family, I think you should let them visit. I would only say something if you have some silly members of the family who think nothing of visiting when they're ill.

Growling in my daft uncle's wife's direction (refuse to call the witch my aunt) who thought it was fine to visit my DF in hospital after major surgery while she had a virulent bug - and was upset with my family for not letting her in until a nurse had a blue fit at her and told her to get the hell out of the hospital while she was so sick.....

VinegarTitsTheSeasonToBeJolly · 15/12/2008 17:02

OMG whats up with my computer today, second time thats happened!

frogs · 15/12/2008 17:02

I remember taking ds into dd1's nursery class when he was just home from the hospital. I really remember the class clustering round, and the lovely teacher saying, "now children, all look at dd1's new brother". Right on cue, 24 grubby little hands reached forwards to touch the newborn...

He's still alive 9 years later. dd2 as a newborn was being carted around like a trophy by her older siblings, and also appears none the worse.

rislip · 15/12/2008 17:02

Your DH can do the hosting, make cups of tea etc. I don't think I even got off the sofa during our enslaught of visitors. I always found people who have kids are much more likely to only drop in for a bit, they understand you are knackered, need peace etc.

Original poster
SalBySea · 15/12/2008 17:03

"And don't for heaven's sake commit yourself to staying inside and protecting your baby for 2 months"

oh no I dont intend to, I like the idea of baby swim classes which start at 6 weeks (I learnt to swim from 8 weeks and am now a very strong swimmer)
I am talking about the very beginning when we just get home from the hospital

OP posts:
chloemegjess · 15/12/2008 17:03

You are being very over protective.

Are you planning to breastfeed? If so, this will help a great deal more than sending visitors away.

SnowOfHands · 15/12/2008 17:04

How about seeing how you feel once the baby is here?

It's absolutely fine to say no to visitors for a few days. I was discharged 2 days after an em cs and came home to visitors (and exuberant children) on the doorstep. I'd had a 26hr labour, a lot of intervention, caesarian, no sleep for 4 days and was very anaemic. I hid upstairs and sobbed and sobbed. The next day they turned up again and stayed for 9 hours, expecting meals and drinks. Next time, I know categorically that it's right to say no to visitors at first unless you want them there and for the amount of time you can handle. That's fine, honestly. You may need that time to adjust/leak bodily fluids/gaze adoringly at your perfect baby. 2 months because of germs though is not really necessary.

Be honest. It's fine.

Myrrhcy · 15/12/2008 17:04

My dd had a cold when she was a few weeks old despite never having been visited by any children.

Ds had a cold at about 3 weeks which he got from dh (not his sister). He also got chicken pox at 7 weeks old (which he did get from his sister!)

It is a normal concern but I think you are over-reacting. Your baby will be fine

WinkyWinkola · 15/12/2008 17:05

Well, if it's peace you're after (and who could blame you?), then you and your DH/DP need to sit down together and work out how many visitors you think are acceptable at any one time. You need to plan and agree together in advance so that you are united and prepared on your own terms.

Get your DP to call his close relatives and explain that, "Sal is really very tired. You're most welcome to visit but I'm sure you won't be expecting a tea party!" But get cakes and biscuits in advance so you can just unwrap when people arrive.

Most normal people will make their own tea anyway and not want to impose on you.

Make sure your DP/DH sees that you might not be able to assert yourself with visitors who overstay their welcome. Don't be afraid to go upstairs to bed with your baby if you feel tired or overwhelmed.

But don't use the germs issue as an excuse to avoid visitors. They'll all just think you're mad. Be honest and say you don't think you're up to much.

unclefluffy · 15/12/2008 17:06

My PFB got a cold from the midwife at two weeks. Her wonderful cousin came to visit at three weeks - they looked beautiful together and I wouldn't have missed seeing it for the world.

Original poster
SalBySea · 15/12/2008 17:07

OK so its been unanamous so I'll take on board that we shouldnt ask the pre-school kids to stay away for a bit. But I still really dont want them to come - I do think that since posting I have realised that its more to do with wanting to be left alone to get used to it ourselves for a little while before having heaving families decending for lunch

OP posts:
Flibbertyjibbet · 15/12/2008 17:08

Young children LOVE babies.
They will be just wonderful with your baby. Everyone carries germs, the hospital staff, grandparents, midwives.
Germs are part of life. Everyone needs exposure to them in order to build up their immunities.
If its the length of time they will stay for, then don't stay in the house.
Whenever my friends or relatives came to see our new ds's, we just all went for a stroll to the park. Baby got fresh air, other kids got a runaround, I got to stroll along while everyone else took a turn on the pram.
If any new mother said to me 'don't bring the ds's to see the new baby I am worried about germs' I just wouldn't go at all.

WinkyWinkola · 15/12/2008 17:09

Sal, that's fine to want to be left alone for a bit. You just need to plan it so people don't have all these unrealistic expectations that you aren't able to meet.

Lulumama · 15/12/2008 17:09

did you go and visit your newborn nieces and nephews?

Swipe left for the next trending thread