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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take the mick out of male colleagues who bring in shared food that their WIVES have made

719 replies

morningpaper · 14/12/2008 22:34

this makes me both scornful and slightly depressed and I resort to extreme sarcasm

Only last week I was nibbling lemon cake from a colleagues WIFE.

What IS that ABOUT?

AIBU?

OP posts:
misdee · 15/12/2008 08:39

i never spend 2 hours baking. i love baking. dh doesnt work atm so cant send cakes in qwith him, but have given cakes to family members befoe now.

sprogger · 15/12/2008 08:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LiffeyCanSpellGeansaiNollaig · 15/12/2008 08:43

I like it too! but truth is, you never have all the ingredients, so you really need 20 mins to decide WHAT you're going to make, 45 mins (minimum) to get to the shop and back and get the ingredients, then you might forget ONE thing, the most vital thing, probably the EGGS, cos you thouhgt you had a box, but it turned out to be just that, a box, so all in all, really, one cake takes an afternoon! a day maybe even!?!?

Original poster
morningpaper · 15/12/2008 08:44

Ye and much longer until you have actually washed any of the bowls up and hoovered and washed the floor (or am I just REALLY messy?)

OP posts:
glastocat · 15/12/2008 08:49

My husband made Nutella doughnuts for me to take into work last week. In my defense he was making them anyway, just made a few more than originally planned.

Oh, and he's a builder, not a chef. He makes great doughnuts though!

Libraloveschristmas1975 · 15/12/2008 08:49

I think the OP being very unreasonable, thankfully feminism means we have the CHOICE of saying bugger off to sainsburys and buy a box of mince pies or yes I have no problem making you some delicious snacks to take into work. If the wife/partner WANTS to make them (some people enjoy cooking) I really don't see what the problem is and as others say it can be a bit of give and take, for example I refuse to have anything to do with the cars, all checking of oil, water, MOT, tax is DH duty. I CAN do it but I don't want to do it therefore on the occasions I have time I will make him his packed lunch something he CAN do but frequently doesn't.
I don't do ironing. At all.

misdee · 15/12/2008 08:53

mp, you are really messy

i do tend to have a well stocked cupboard and generally have all the ingrediants i need for basic baking. if i want to bake soemthing different then i add the ingrediants to the weekly shopping list earlier in the week.

LadyPenelope · 15/12/2008 08:53

My Indian colleague's wife used to send v. yummy home made samosas in for us from time to time. I never thought of it as a problem - they were divine, she was making for him and used to send in extras for us all to enjoy from time to time. Lovely woman! So, can't think it would be any different if a colleague wife was kind enough to send in some baked stuff.

Some men do bake but my dh doesn't. He could if he tried (he makes pancakes and says it's like mixing concrete!) but he doesn't bake cakes, mince pies etc. If he was asked to bring contribution for a shared lunch, I'd probably make something providing I had time to do it ... much nicer and much cheaper. Wouldn't matter that it was for his "colleagues" - still for him in the end.

I'd do it because he'd also be happy to help me fix some nightmare on my computer, or hike half way across town to pick something up for me because he has time that day etc. etc.

I cooked dinner for him and his 10 person team last year - he paid for the stuff and I cooked it because I liked doing it. Was more fun than going out to a restaurant or bar.

hecAteAMillionMincePies · 15/12/2008 08:54

can't bring myself to care if other people cook food for their other half to bring to work or not. They are cooking it, they are paying for it, it's their time. It's their problem. If they are happy then why should I care? If he beats her with a whisk until she's created a taste sensation, then I'd have an opinion! otherwise.... cos one just wasn't enough

Libraloveschristmas1975 · 15/12/2008 08:56

However on the packed lunch side I had a male colleague who lived at home still at 25 and his mother made him his lunch. That I took the piss about.

FourArms · 15/12/2008 09:06

I quite often make DH things to take into work. He has a horribly stressful job and working environment, and if it means that they have something nice to eat during their tea break, then I don't care what anyone thinks. Luckily there are no women in DH's workplace, so there's no-one wondering what sad cow spent an hour of her own time making him a cake to take into work. I don't expect that the blokes give it a second thought.

MuchLessTiredNow · 15/12/2008 09:14

I make cakes in a big batch at the weekend and will often send a few in for Dh and his office - because I know most of them and would like to think of them all having a treat. it doesn't take 2 hours though - 10 mins max to throw stuff in a processor with the kids helping and then bung in the oven. I make his packed lunch too - I make all 5 of them in one go, for all of us - why should he make his own if Ive already got the stuff out? It's just a practical division of labour, and he can spend some time with the kids instead - which is much nicer for them as they don't see him of rmore than 30 mins per day, and I get to shut them all out of the kitchen and drift off into my own little world.

thefortbuilder · 15/12/2008 09:15

i think this is a bit churlish. if i'm baking a cake for a particular occasion (ds's birthday etc) and need to do a practise run dh gets the practise cakes to take in. also ds1 loves baking so dh gets them for work so i don't eat them all at home!

don't do sandwiches though or ironing shirts though

Wags · 15/12/2008 09:23

Yes MP you ABVU. If I was the wife of the bloke who had taken the cakes in and I found out I would bloody well tell him to not cut you a slice and let you piss off to Sainsbos to get your own, so ner de ner . Seriously though I would have no time to do it at the moment, work part time, still have DS at home but if I did have time I probably would. Love baking and from having worked for 28 years myself, know how bloody lovely it is when someone brings a treat in to work. Really brightens up the day. Christ I am horrible enough to DH most of the time, so if it only took making a cake to cheer him and his colleagues up then so be it. Lets face it poor bloke spends a hell of a lot of time with them, there has to be some light at the end of the tunnel.

misshardbroom · 15/12/2008 09:25

I think this post is a bit nasty and typical of the kind of thing that divides mothers who go out to work and mothers who stay at home.

I'm with BucksFizz on this - if you're at home, you can fit a spot of enjoyable baking around everything else you have to do, then what's wrong with it?

And actually, what's wrong with ironing a few shirts or making a packed lunch? There's plenty of jobs DH does which are largely for my benefit. I thought it was called 'teamwork'.

subtlemouse · 15/12/2008 09:26

I am inspired by this thread to make cake for DH to take in today...

bloss · 15/12/2008 09:26

Message withdrawn

shitehawk · 15/12/2008 09:29

I bake cakes for dh to take to work.

  1. I like baking, and we can't eat all of the cakes I make between the three of us.
  1. Dh is the kind of manager who knows that the way to his team's heart is through their stomachs.
  1. Who cares who makes the cakes? If I didn't make them, he'd buy them from Tescos. Me not baking them wouldn't mean that he would bake them instead.
  1. Tis none of your beeswax anyway.
Nighbynight · 15/12/2008 09:31

I understand your feelings exactly, morningpaper, but refrain from expressing them in the office.

For those who dont understand, it is the contrast between harrassed self, and the Domestic Goddess who sends the cakes. Baking DOES make a statement, whether its intended or not.

But I dont even try to play cake oneupmanship with my colleagues, as their wives all make totally fantastic Bavarian and Austrian cakes, that I cant even do!

I recently put together a birthday cake for dds that involved:

  • a trip to teh supermarket
  • half an hour to assemble

It looked brilliant, I have to say.

Oh4cryinOutLoud · 15/12/2008 09:33

"AND this is just Wifework"

Blimey MP - my DH does loads of stuff that doesn't benefit anyone he knows personally because I ask him to!

Couple of weeks ago, he spent half a day compiling a video for a talent contest up at school because I am on the PTA & I asked him to!

If he came home from work and asked me to do something for a person he worked with because (a) I would enjoy doing it and (b) the unkown to me person would benefit, I'd do it. Just because it's baking, doesn't make it a 1950's slap in the face for equality!

ComeOVeneer · 15/12/2008 09:36

In answer to MP's last post

I don't care if Kevin gets a homebaked snack, I enjoy baking. DH is diabetic so can't just buy any old snack, plus my stuff is tonnes better than tesco'c

I regularly give cakes/muffins etc to loads of my neighbours (again helps drum up trade)

I do know the people dh works with, he has been their 11 years.

Dh never asks me to make stuff for him to bring in I just do it.

OK so you don't get it, but it isn't as stepford as you make out. Although I do draw the line at ironing

largeginandtonic · 15/12/2008 09:37

LOL at MP and the 'You don't know what you are having for lunch'

I have baked cakes and sent them in with dh, it proves my domestic goddess prowess and yes custy it will be a better cake if i have recieved some excellent cunnilingus the night before.

What do you make of cakes in return for sexual favours MP? Although other members of the office benefitting is probably not fair tbh.

moondog · 15/12/2008 09:37

Quite. We have the uncle of a kid in our Sunday school nativity play making the crib. He won't see the play. Does that come under 'unnecessary duties' in same way that the cake does?

What happened to just doing something kind?

ComeOVeneer · 15/12/2008 09:41

Oh and I am certain the women in dh's office don't see me in the light of "One man upmanship". They have known as a professional woman me since I worked full time supporting dh through his law exams and training contract, part-time and raising 2 small children etc. Not as some 50's throwback with a floury pinny greeting my dh at the door with a martini!

moondog · 15/12/2008 09:42

Yes CoV, you alwaysd come across as a very nice example of a smart professional woman who still gets great joy and satisfaction from looking after her family.

I think it's great.