To feel a surge of rage when MIL refers to DS as 'her' baby.

[headscrewedonmum]

It really winds me up, I want to slap her when she says it.

Do you know, I've noticed my Mum doing this and I think it's a slip-up, she just sort of slips back into mothering mode.

Is it possible your MIL could be doing this?

YABU.

Why do so many people hate their MILs. She's only expressing her love isn't she? I bet if you actually handed him over she'd run a mile.

yabu and a little hot-headed

YANBU - he is YOUR baby, not hers!

Politely remind her that by replying when she says it "oh, dont you mean your grandbaby? We dont want to confuse him, do we?"

I think you have to choose your battles. It would drive me mad, but it won't hurt anyone, and he will always love you more, so maybe cut her some slack? I know it's hard. I get frustrated by things like that too.

My mum used to do that. Used to annoy me a bit, but luckily she stopped

it's just a turn of phrasse. Get over it

it's just a turn of phrasse. Get over it

It could be worse; my MIL used to call herself "mummy" when she spoke to my dd.

If it really winds you up that much, then say something to her. Or correct her when she says it.

But it's not that big a deal in the grand old scheme of things.

Hmm bit of an over reaction dontcha think? So what if she says that, i'd think it was lovely

Is there a real reason for this reaction from you that you will explain later? Do you not get on very well?

I kind of understand. Its that ownership thing, isnt it? I assume you havent actually slapped her tho so probably YANBU. As the others say tho, it probably is just a figure of speech so try not to let it get to you. Im guessing that perhaps you and MIL have some history of some kind...babies can intensify it so just be sure to gently remind yourself that DS is your baby, and always will be, she cant change that!

It's a weird turn of phrase, though. I've never heard of anyone doing this before. Would you mind if she said something like "my love", or "my darling"? Think that would bother me less than "my baby", but if you think about it they could just all be terms of endearment.

I take it this is a little baby/I think in the first few weeks you have a real "Protective" mechanism and are quite fiercely maternal and hormonal and stuff like this can wind you up.It is probably just an expression of love "Hows my little baby/fellow/chap" as aterm of endearment.Give it a couple of years and you may be delighted that she has your baby and gives you some peace for a few hours

I would agree it is a figure of speech, I don't know why people get so possessive, surely the more people who love your DS the better?

Thanks for the replies.
I actually get on well with MIL. She never ever said it about DD but constantly refers to DS as 'her' baby and that he is the double of DH when he was a baby.
DS is 18 weeks now and this only started in the last few weeks.
It really is driving me insane. I have tried to correct her nicely but it is getting where I might snap at her.

Aaah.

You know that she knows he isn't her baby.

There have been so many posts here in the past about grandparents who don't seem to be interested in their grandchildren that I would just let it go, tbh.

My MIL (who I also get on very well with) can drive me mad with the way she treats DS2. She overindulges him in every way and, as she sees my DSs at least a couple of times a week, it has a big effect. He also reminds her of her DS2 (my DH)

Perhaps you could just gently point out that it isn't very nice to say it in front of DD, young children often pick up on favouritism.

This drove me insane when my MIL came to visit when DS1 (PFB) was 3 months old.

I am hideously ashamed that at one point I snapped at her and said, "you've had your 4 children, this one's mine".

I am lucky in that we haven't fallen out over it and I so wish I could take it back, it was so mean.

It wouldn't bother me now with DS2 (but then he really is "all mine", won't have anyone but mama, whereas I was insecure about my bond with DS1).

Try to keep a lid on it, if you can - good luck!

I remember getting really annoyed with my mum doing this when DD was small. She still does it but funnily enough I don't mind at all now, I think it was that protective thing as wrinkytum said for me anyway. She also said to her friend in front of me that she forgets DD isn't hers! I'd laugh now but at the time was

Sounds like she is saying it because he reminds her of your DH though. Do you get on with her usually is it just this that annoys you?

Oh my mum did this too and it really, really did wind me up. But I know that she loves DD so much that I have managed to bite my lip each time. Your baby will always love you best anyway.

I was amazed - and actually deeply moved - when my father's wife (to whom I'm not close)took dd1 in her arms and said (referring, I think, to both dd and her real gcs) "you know, you love them just as much as first time round". we don;t know what it feels like to be a gp. it must be really rather incredible. think about how much you love your children and how amazing the whole experience of having children is. then fast forward 20-30 years and think about those children having that experience themselves. think about how much it would bring back all those feelings. must be the ultimate joy. and blimey if one of them looked like yours did...don;t be harsh on your mil. just try to let it wash over you and be glad she's so adoring.

hatwoman, that's what I wanted to say!

wise words, hatwoman. I think it's almost as much of an emotional rush as becoming a parent. I feel sad when people want to treat their children's grandparents as though they were strangers in the street.

YANBU at all. How annoying.

I don't think yabu, I felt exactly the same when the dds were new born. There was a particular shift that happened in mine and MIL's relationship when DD1 was born (like a bigger version of the shift that happened when me and dh bought our first house). She wanted to take over and be in charge and basically show me how much of a better mother she'd make than me (or that's how it felt), and I fought her all the way, to the point I didn't even want her coming round or phoning as she made me feel so inadequate and incapable I wanted to cry, and did. I accept a lot of it was hormones and was much more prepared second time round, but it was much the same so not all my crazy new mother hormones to blame.