To feel a surge of rage when MIL refers to DS as 'her' baby.

[headscrewedonmum]

It really winds me up, I want to slap her when she says it.

I just realised that my MIL does this too. When she rings up she'll say "how's my baby?"

(OMG, I hope she's not talking about DH )

I've always thought it was sweet.

DD is her granddaughter, so it makes me happy to see how much she loves her even though she doesn't get to see her that much (we live far away).

She belongs to her too.

When DD was first born my Dad used to always ask me "How's my

My mum refers to my (12 week old) DS as 'her boy' - she phones up and says 'How's my boy?' TBH I really don't mind this at all - she is just showing love for her Grandson. i also know that she refers to my nieces as her girls as well. Don't think there's anything in it personally.

YABVU
Your son is lucky to have a grandma who loves him
Honestly, I think MIL's can't win on here!

I think it is sweet.

My dd got so attached to my dad thatwhen she was learning to talk she called him dada. It has stuck ever since and she is now 10. It never bothered dh. She tells school friends about her grandad but he is always dada in private.

My MiL does this. I just smile and say 'whose baby '.
You don't need to be precious over ownership, it's really not worth the aggro.
It's just another way of saying 'Nanny's boy' which I've never seen objected to.

YANBU but, if you take a step back, it's not worth getting wound up over.

She has clearly gone into nanna mode - probably heightened by the fact that your daughter looks so like her dad used to.

try to smile and say to yourself in your head, "this poor woman is mentally ill."

WTF? Loving her granddaugther and being reminded of her son as a baby don't make her mentally ill!

I'm wary of saying whether OP is BU since there might be a lot more to this story, but surely there is nothing inherently wrong with a Granny calling her grandchild "my baby"?

I mean, it is her baby too. Just in a different way.

It must suck to me a MIL.

OF COURSE she knows he isn't 'her' baby. he is, though, despite your assertion that you don't need her as a babysitter, a baby of the family. Everyone's baby. That's how it works, when people love the baby amongst them.

I would look at why you react in this U way, rather than why she says it.

I have often called DGD 'my baby' when I see her (well not now, shes 13, and would object) its just a saying that is all.

In fact I often say as my baby mindees are handed over, 'How is my big boy' sort of thing.

I dont think they are my babies, its just a turn of phrase, for god sake get a grip.

Totally unreasonable, sorry

some people in my family call dd our baby.

tehy will say and hows are baby

i like it, i think its including her as part of the family our baby

Oh my word I say stuff like that about my first (and only) grandchild. My massive feeling is that he is the image of my son (and his twin brother who sadly passed away as a baby) and it both saddens and delights me when I see my grandson. He is so like him that I have had to fight with myself and think before I speak.

I must get on my DIL nerves and I really dont mean to - I adore her. DIL has had severe PND and I have felt very excluded because, naturally, she wants her sister and her mum. BUT when she goes back to work full time in Feb. I am going to be minding my grandson for her. I am going to have to put my brain into gear before I speak.

Im sorry that it drives you mad when your MIL says 'my baby.' The love for a grandchild is, to be honest, overwhelming.

pink, if you where my mil i wouldnt mind and alot wouldnt

Thank you - but I am very aware that there are times when I say - 'Oh sweetie pie you are so like your Uncle Gareth - it takes my breath away.' Poor grandson has my mum and dad to cope with as well [hgrin]

Being a MIL is, at times, not a great job!!! I dont want to interfere or get on their nerves cause I love both of them.

meant I am still at Halloween!!

pink, do you think its harder if your the parernal grandparents?

do you have aany dds?

I wouldn't mind at all, pink - sounds like you are a very loving grandmother and your grandchild is very lucky to have lots of loving people in his life!

I think it can get tricky if the mother starts to feel threatened or that the grandmother is taking over in some way but if you are careful about that it should be fine!

I have had four wonderful sons but no daughters so I have no experiences of the 'other side' of the coin. DIL is recovering well from her PND and things are really improving. I lost a baby twin at 7 months and a few years later my 3rd son was killed in a road accident aged 7 years. My grandson is 6 months old today and, to be honest, I will be glad when he is 8 months and I wish we could just skip the 7 part!!!! How irrationally and mentally odd is that????

I don't think it's odd at all. I don't suppose you ever really get over losing a child

oh pink i am so so osrry to hear that.
not irrational at all

you sound lovely

id be chuffed if my mil was a mumsnetter.

I don't know why people get so worked up about a figure of speech. They can't have too much love. All the MY baby bit, seems very possessive, no one is going to get confused over who is the mother and who is the grandmother!

Whether op is r or unr...surely mils can remember what it was like to be a hormonal new mother and to engage their brains before they speak ?

Thank you girls - I am determined to be the best I can be at this Grandma 'job.' My DIL and myself are getting on great again - she was really poorly after she had Lewis.

I will be on MN in February saying things like 'should my grandchild be eating worms in the garden.' 'I think he has pushed a crayon up his nose!' etc etc

Very unreasonable, what a ridiculous thing to get worked up about.
I think it's perfectly sweet of your MIL.

I think you are being V unreasonable, especially as you say you usually get on. Surely in that case it should make it easier to let it go.

"When DD was first born my Dad used to always ask me "How's my