To feel a surge of rage when MIL refers to DS as 'her' baby.

[headscrewedonmum]

It really winds me up, I want to slap her when she says it.

I won't need mil to look after DC because she is moving 200 miles away with sil and bil and their children, plus even if I wanted her to look after them she wouldn't because fil is prone to dizzy spells (although she looks after sil children everyday)

Ah, so that's why you don't like it.

Not worth picking an argument over. Just ignore it. She loves your DS and perhaps he remionds her of your OH as a baby.

Yabu

The love you feel for your baby is the same love that your MIL felt for her son, your DH and she feels the same about her son's baby.

It is just a phrase. I call our puppy "my baby"

No, your puppy is MY baby!

LOL skidoodle. She can be the MN baby since you all helped name her.

I will let her chew your shoes though

YABU.

Mild irritation, maybe, but rage? If it's her first grandchild and your first baby she'll get it all wrong, you'll get apoplectic and spend hours ranting to your DH who'll try to keep the peace between the women he loves.

A few years down the line, particularly when you can actually picture yourself as a MIL you'll reassess the situation a little and cut her a bit of slack.

Can you tell I've been there?

YANBU but maybe over reacting a little bit? ( I probably would too!)

I have been guilty of doing this too, I love my first grandchild so much and I am very proud of my daughter, she is a fantastic mum. I suppose I just mean " My Baby's baby.
I also have said " She is so gorgeous I could eat her up" Does that make me mental?

YABU - my MIL suffered with depression and she completely blanked my DD from the moment she was born. Wouldn't look at her let alone hold or cuddle her. It really upset DH, particularly as MIL had badgered him for years to "get on with starting a family"! My MIL sadly committed suicide 7 months after our DD was born. You are very lucky to have a MIL who is well and able to show her feelings for your DC.

God, I'm sorry but I really think that rationale "Be grateful you've got a MIL because mine died or isn't interested" is really lame.

I'd be really annoyed if someone else started calling my baby theirs.

Did they go through 6 months of vomiting? 9 months of carrying the child? 36 hours of labour? Getting up in the wee hours to tend to their every need? Nope.

I don't think a grandparent calling a baby 'their' baby is just an expression of love. It is usually a bypassing of the parent and a reduction of that parent. It's rude and quite ignorant.

So, yes, I think you've every reason to feel that it's not anybody else's baby but your own. You've worked very hard for that!

MIL's are a law until themselves! I would not take too much offence, she could have said something a lot worse!

Thanks Winky

Winky - it's not just "someone else calling your baby theirs" it is the baby's grandmother. Would you react the same way if it was your own mother making a simple faux pas. No doubt in a few months time the MIL will be a very handy (willing and capable) babysitter.

Well, if it's a faux pas then that's different.

But my MIL does refer to my DD and DS (when he was a baby) as 'her baby' all the time.

My mum would never be show me such a lack of courtesy.

YABU my mum says hows my little boy referring to ds2. I don't mind a bit!

I don't mind so you shouldn't mind? There's great logic in that!

But it is the MiL's baby, sorta.

Erm, no it's not. It's the mother and father's baby.

It's the MIL's grandchild.

Grandchild/grandbaby. Same difference.

I agree with Winky

Having a new baby is an incredibly emotional and hormonal time for a mother and we mustn't forget that. It's very difficult if you have in laws you don't particularly get on with and these kind of comments from MIL, at a time of heightened emotion are just unhelpful and often spiteful.

My relationship with my MIL was damaged after the birth of my DD because of her passive agressive comments and subtly undermining me. I can appreciate where you're coming from OP. Try not to let it get to you though, there are lots of bridges to cross and you might need her at some point. Try and be the bigger person and rise above it.

You'll be doing the same thing in 30 years time!

I used to teach and called the children MY children cos they were MY class. Its just an expression. MY baby/MY grandchild/MY angel/MY wee darling etc etc. Sorry but I cant see what's wrong with that at all.

Now if she was saying MY SON/DAUGHTER then that would be different and a bit wierd.

My mum calls my daughters Gran's wee girl cos she is.

But if someone is saying, "My baby," then to me they are saying, "It's my child,"

As gingerninja says, it depends on the relationship with the person in question. My MIL, for example, has always tried to tell me how to do things with my kids and has said on several occasions how she'd love to have my children live with her. It's pretty obvious she'd prefer it if I weren't around and in the way.

Perhaps her calling my DCs 'her' babies gets on my nerves because of this.