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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that if you have a Caesarean, you have still given birth?

127 replies

Cupofteaplease · 07/12/2008 11:54

I got talking to a pregnant lady yesterday and conversation turned to pregnancy, birth and beyond.

She said she hoped her baby would be small, so childbirth would be less painful. I said that my babies were both 8lb + and I loved having chunky babies! She said, in reference to me having 2 caesareans, that it didn't matter how big my babies were because I hadn't given birth to them.

Now obviously, I knew what she meant. But I still felt a bit . I would still say I have given birth to 2 children, even if they were extracted from me! Am I wrong in saying this?

OP posts:
ILikeToHoHoHo · 07/12/2008 18:37

DS1 was a c-section and I didn't feel like I had given birth to him. To me, it felt more like the Ob had given birth to him.

It wasn't until I had a VBAC with ds2 that I felt I really knew the meaning of giving birth.

I expect this is a very unpopular point of view, but it is how I felt.

Gorionine · 07/12/2008 18:57

Like prettybuterlfly, i think she did not express herself correctly, but the fact that she mentionned the size of her baby should have given you a clue to what she meant. Just a misunderstanding, of course you gave birth!

NappiesGaloriaInExcelsis · 07/12/2008 18:58

course you have.

Gorionine · 07/12/2008 19:00

ILikeToHOHoHo, You do not need to be popular if it is how you feel it is how you feel, nobody can take that away from you.

Original poster
Cupofteaplease · 07/12/2008 19:02

As I said earlier- I think you either crave a vaginal birth, or you don't. I've experienced a long and painful labour and there is nothing fun about it. I was glad to avoid it the second time around.

Those who are saying they didn't feel they gave birth during their C sections, and like the lady last night- I have a genuine question: what do you say about your child's birth then? I've always said 'when I gave birth to dd1...' etc. What SHOULD I be saying- 'when I was in theatre to have dd1 extracted from me...' or 'when I went to the hospital and the lovley doctor gave me a baby...' etc?

I'd just never considered that having a CS doesn't equate with givng birth, and I've been feeling a bit about it all day because I've never doubted my birth (sorry, being handed a baby) experiences before.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cupofteaplease · 07/12/2008 19:06

Gorionine- I know what she meant- as my babies were not born vaginally, their size was of no consequence to my poor, fragile foo foo

And had she just said that, I wouldn't have thought twice. It was her phrase of 'you didn't give birth to them' that got me thinking. And I have been surprised to find on this thread that many women who had CSs also feel that they didn't give birth to their own children.

OP posts:
27 · 07/12/2008 19:06

cupofteaplease

I just say "when I had XXX", "when XXX was born" etc

I know that it is semantics really, my children were obviously born, but I just would never say that I "gave birth" as a result of the C sections, as I dont feel like those are the right words to use.

Original poster
Cupofteaplease · 07/12/2008 19:09

27- ok, that makes sense. I was beginning to worry that people are actually denying having any part in their child coming into the world!

OP posts:
EmmalinaC · 07/12/2008 19:15

I am amazed at how many women who have had c-sections feel they have missed the experience of 'giving birth'.

I had DD1 by emcs after a long labour. I absolutely feel I gave birth.

Next DD is due in May and once again I will be proudly 'giving birth' by caesarian!

But going back to the OP I think prettybutterfly is right. Se probably didn't want to say 'vaginal birth' at a bus stop!

Dragonbutter · 07/12/2008 20:17

cupoftea, y'know now that you've asked, I don't think i ever talk about 'when i gave birth to DS1,DS2'.
I can talk about the labour with DS1 (but would prefer not to).
I can talk about 'when they were born'. But i have issues with saying that 'I gave birth...'

It's pointless to feel the way i do about it, so don't doubt your own experiences.

missorinoco · 07/12/2008 20:21

i would say you have given birth however it comes out, on the basis that the baby is out and not still in.

Hulababy · 07/12/2008 20:23

I had a c section and I definitely feel like I gave birth to DD. OK, it might not have been the most common way to do it, but she still emerged from my womb after me having had her develop there for 9 months previously.

With regards OP and the other woman - what a bizarre thing for her to say.

expatinscotland · 07/12/2008 20:25

Um, yes.

What a bizarre persepective this person has.

Okay, admittedly, I never had a CS. But I have had two instrumental deliveries - forceps and ventouse.

southeastastra · 07/12/2008 20:26

i'v had both but would probably go for a cs section if i had another gawd the pain

dyzzidi · 07/12/2008 20:26

YANBU I had a c section after Years of TTC and lots of medical problems. We ( My Doctor and me & DH ) knew a vaginal birth was never going to be an option for me.

I have had a child I grew her in my womb, had her delivered with some help and I have loved and nurtured her for the last three years.

Did I give birth? Yes I did

Does it matter to a three year old how I gave birth? No it most certainly doesn't

I honestly don't know what the fuss is about.

hester · 07/12/2008 20:34

Haven't read the whole thread, but I've seen this crop up on MN before. It always puzzles me: it's a semantic discussion that ultimately doesn't matter. You can use the term 'give birth' to mean have a baby, or you can use it to mean 'push a baby through your vagina'. I've done the first but not the second, and I don't feel remotely defensive about people using the term with the second meaning.

Ooh, have just glanced to the end of the thread and agree with her: "I honestly don't know what the fuss is about".

hester · 07/12/2008 20:34

"her" meaning dyzzidi, obviously; not the cat's mother

hester · 07/12/2008 20:36

Having said which, I do actually feel like ILikeToHoHoHo - I don't feel I've given birth. But that's my stuff; I don't ever assume that other women do or should feel the same way.

Lizzylou · 07/12/2008 20:36

Someone attached a sinkplunger type thing to both my boy's heads and pulled them out.
So I haven't pushed any babies out (I did push at the same time, but they were definitely pulled out).
I think all these war story types are plain daft, it's raising the DC that's the hard bit imo.

noonar · 07/12/2008 20:42

i've had 2 sections. i think that i see 'giving birth' as something synonymous with going through labour. i have done neither. howeever, i would say that they've been 'caesarean births'. so the 'birth' bit does seem to apply.

agree that its basically semantics. but for me, i have a mental picture when someone talks of 'giving birth'. that picture doesnt include an operating theatre

dsrplus8 · 07/12/2008 20:50

WTF omg you have a baby- you give birth doesnt matter how dc gets out, its still giving birth. stupid comment from ops friend.....heard something similar about donated eggs, someone said the baby wasnt the mothers because it wasnt her egg!!!! stupid thoughtless people out there ....ignore them..

notevenamousie · 07/12/2008 21:16

I don't feel I gave birth either. But I would never tell you that you haven't - I am talking feelings, not facts, I guess.

blueshoes · 07/12/2008 21:47

I have had 2 cs. I have given birth to my dcs, but I did not give birth to them vaginally nor did I give birth to them naturally.

One of my childless friends used the phrase quite pointedly to draw a distinction between women who give birth vaginally and women who give birth by cs. I reminded her to be more careful in her choice of words because women don't always choose to deliver by cs and can be made to feel more of a failure by her poor choice of words.

As it is, I am inordinately proud of my cs. Makes me feel like a virgin.

Amapoleon · 07/12/2008 21:54

I have had one vaginal birth and one emergency c section. I must admit that it it me hard that I hadn't physically given birth to my son and I was glad that I had had a vaginal birth with my daughter.

It didn't stop me loving or bonding with him but it gave me a tremendous amount of guilt. It didn't help that he was whizzed away and I didn't see him for hours and that I then had problems breastfeeding him etc..

OP, a thoughtless comment from your pregnant lady, I'm guessing she is a first timer.

Amapoleon · 07/12/2008 21:56

Oops and technically, I personally, didn't feel like I had given birth to him.