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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if you have a Caesarean, you have still given birth?

127 replies

Cupofteaplease · 07/12/2008 11:54

I got talking to a pregnant lady yesterday and conversation turned to pregnancy, birth and beyond.

She said she hoped her baby would be small, so childbirth would be less painful. I said that my babies were both 8lb + and I loved having chunky babies! She said, in reference to me having 2 caesareans, that it didn't matter how big my babies were because I hadn't given birth to them.

Now obviously, I knew what she meant. But I still felt a bit . I would still say I have given birth to 2 children, even if they were extracted from me! Am I wrong in saying this?

OP posts:
JumpingJellyfish · 07/12/2008 13:33

Have had 2 emergency c-sections and also struggle with the term "giving birth". For a long time I too felt like a failure for not delivering them naturally, that in some way this made me less of a mother. I still find childbirth discussions difficult, in a way I wish I knew what it felt like to at least go into labout (both mine were premature due to pre-eclampsia). But nowadays I try to humour anyone who asks and just explain mine came out the sun-roof , and thank god I've never had to experience an internal! However deep down yes I do feel a strong distinction between vaginal birth and c-section birth. But my children are alive & healthy and for that I'm incredibly grateful- as they get older I do find birth stories become less important thankfully!

catweazle · 07/12/2008 13:38

My last DD was born by CS (breech). I don't feel that I gave birth to her because I didn't actually do anything. Because it was an elective CS I didn't even go into labour. I'm not beating myself up about it and in the grand scheme of things it doesn't actually matter. She was delivered safely and intact, and that was the important thing (and after 4 VBs it was quite a relief to be spared the pain of labour and delivery if I'm honest)

SpaceTrain · 07/12/2008 13:40

I had a section and never refer to "giving birth" because I didn't. (imo)

littleboyblue · 07/12/2008 13:55

It's an interesting comment and thought tbh. I think as some people, mostly who haven't had children, view giving birth as actual pushing and panting and stretching and tearing and really working to get that baby here. What few people without children fail to realise is that there are a number of things that are out of our control during labour and delivery and that you could be pushing for more than 2 hours and have no other choice but to have a cs.
I'm not saying that I agree that people who have a cs haven't given birth, but I can see where that attitude comes from.

Wasn't it in MacBeth, where he was told that he wouldn't be defeated until the trees walked from the forest and by no man born to a woman, or something along those lines, and then the army or whatever dressed as trees and moved towards the castle and the leader was born by cs so "wasn't born to a woman"
Don't remember details, as wasn't paying too much attention 15 years ago when we covered it in school, but it was something like that wasn't it?

shoptilidrop · 07/12/2008 14:02

I had a elective c section with my dd. I decided it was best after a failed induction. I did feel for a few months, that i hadnt given birth to her. People did congratulate me on giving birht to her, but i used to correct them and say i hadnt, and i did feel like i had cheated and taken the easy route. The whole thing was rather sureal to be honest. But it never even crosses my mind now. I am ttcing again at the momment, and despite my feelings first time round, i def want a c section again.

MrsMattie · 07/12/2008 14:08

I think it's amazing that a c-section (especially an EMCS after a long labour) is still seen by some as 'not giving birth' and as 'an easy route'! Blimey.

mawbroon · 07/12/2008 14:08

At the time, I didn't really consider that I had given birth to my ds (but stand corrected on the definition earlier in the thread!!) and I felt a complete fraud when everyone said congratulations.

Then it all got lost in the haze of sleepless nights, feeding and nappies and it doesn't matter to me one jot any more!

TinselBaublesMistletoe · 07/12/2008 14:09

My daughter was born by CS, I wasn't even there! So I don't feel I gave birth to her, I was fully dilated and she was descending before I was knocked out. I have given birth to a baby and feel it's something totally different. I do have problems with the birth but not because it was a CS, because of everything else that went with it, but that's another story.

Next time someone tries to tell you that they hope their baby is small tell them that women who give birth to a premature baby often say it's easier to deliver a bigger baby than a smaller one. Your body has more to work with the bigger the baby.

thenewme · 07/12/2008 14:10

YANBU

Of course you have given birth.

I have had my babies by exit S and exit V and I don't feel any different. They are all mine and I have given birth to all of them.

She clearly has issues and needs to put you down to big herself up.

beansontoast · 07/12/2008 14:13

walkthedinosaur at your mum!

goes back to thread

colacubes · 07/12/2008 14:14

I have given birth twice by c section, I carried those children, i felt every little hiccup and kick, i kept them safe, and I gave them life, that is giving birth, creating and giving. Whether they come out of you ear or your arse, you gave them life.

We all give birth to our children, how the hell else do they get out, your friend is an arse.

psychohohohoho · 07/12/2008 14:19

forgive me if I have repeated someone, but if your children had not been given birth to, then what do they celebrate on the day they were born???

they have a birthday surely.

so, up hers is all I would say to that!!!

MrsSeanBean · 07/12/2008 17:20

I had a cs and felt for a long time that I hadn't actually given birth, and that something was missing.

I think it can delay bonding, especially if dc not handed to mother immediately.

needmorecoffee · 07/12/2008 17:25

childbirth is highly overrated. I had 3 sections and fell for the 'I haven't given birth' crap. Insisted on a vaginal birth which left me torn apart and in agony still after 4 years and a brain damaged baby.

cory · 07/12/2008 17:28

Done both, didn't make a blind bit of difference which.

TheFallenMadonna · 07/12/2008 17:30

I think any non-standard delivery can delay bonding. I remember vividly the moment I 'bonded' with ds (forceps delivery) and he was 4 days old at the time. Mind you, my friend had the same experience with her entirely natural delivery, and blamed the lack of pain relief...

Reallytired · 07/12/2008 17:31

I think with a vaginal birth its the presentation that affects the ease of the birth rather than the size of the baby. My son was born with his hand coming out first. Even though he was only 5lb 1oz I did get a second degree tear.

However I think the important thing is that your baby is born alive and healthy. Seriously once your baby gets a bigger no one really cares whether you gave birth vaginally or had a CS. There certainly aren't any medals.

VirginBoffinMum · 07/12/2008 17:33

If it's in there and comes out, by whatever means, that's birth in my book!

People should chill about this.

MaLopez · 07/12/2008 17:34

Had an emergency CS after 19 hours and could have kissed the doctor when he said we had to have a CS as the baby was in distress. Had I not had one, one or both of us would have died. Yes I gave birth to her, I gave her life. CS, vaginal birth, all semantics to me.

Then again no one has actually told me I did not give birth to my DD. Not sure if I would control myself and not thump them.

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 07/12/2008 17:35

The woman you're talking about simply meant "give birth" to mean "pushed out of your fanjo".

SnowOfHands · 07/12/2008 17:36

I certainly have struggled in the ways others have. I felt that I hadn't given birth and my brother (whose wife sneezed her baby out) said I'd done it the 'easy way' (6hrs of pushing, episiotomy, 3 ventouse attempts, 1 attempted manual rotation, em cs). I carry around with me every day the guilt of not seeing dd born, not having skin to skin, not doing it myself.

I don't think people realise what these comments can do at times. My mother has photos of dd and her cousin as newborns on her shelf. Under dd's picture, it says ''by cs. The need to comment on it makes me feel like it must be of note iyswim. I have told her repeatedly to cross it out or write 'through a vagina' on dn's.

MadamDeathstarOverBethlehem · 07/12/2008 17:39

I had my twins by C-section due to placenta previa right across the cervix and DTD2 being in the breech position.

I really didn't feel I had 'given birth' at all. The nurse showed me the babies before they were taken off to be weighed and so on and I thought for a minute they were someone else's they were showing me to see what they would look like .

6 years later I realize it doesn't matter how they were born, the important thing is that they are here. But after infertility treatment, having a C section and needing drugs to bring in my milk I was quite miserable about everything having to be done artificially. I am glad I didn't meet that woman because she would have hurt my feelings terribly during the first year of my children's lives.

tribpot · 07/12/2008 17:40

(a) tis oft-stated in pregnancy books that a bigger baby can be easier than a smaller one and (b) it's head circumference that is the all-important measure. (Of this I am wincingly confident). No-one says "oh I hope the baby has a small head" do they? They should, if that's what they mean.

Definitely a stupid thing to say. As for 'given birth properly' We clearly have forgotten what childbirth used to be like for women, where the choice was give birth and live or give birth and die. I'm not saying every cs is predicated by a life-or-death decision but many are, and it's hardly a risk- or consequence-free option.

merrylissiemas · 07/12/2008 17:50

ds was born by crash cs and for a long, long time i felt that i hadnt given birth. still don't if im honest, i too had mw's pooh poohing my fears about ds's size (he was 9lb2 and i have hips the same size as an 11yo's due to anorexic past) in fact when i was 38w i measured 42w. and i have also had the too posh to push comments, i also had a private room in post-natal ward because i was so ill with uterine GBS (yep, because i had been forced to labour for so long) and all i had turning in my head was the mw telling me that my body would know what to do, it was called labour for a reason etc.

i think the comment about competative birthing/parenting is an interesting one. whenever i have spoken to women who had a vb they tell me how horrendous it was but end with a proud "but i got him/her out in the end, and it was worth it" transation: i worked really hard and was triumphant. nothing wrong with that. they should be proud. but every time i relayed ds's birth story i was almost apologetic.

prettybutterfly · 07/12/2008 18:27

Reply to OP only: A caesarean birth is still a birth. I think this woman was just looking for a euphemism for 'push it out of your vagina' and didn't do very well. You've taken it to heart and no wonder.

The truth is that it DOESN'T desperately matter how big a baby born by caesarean is as it will come out of the sunroof! Nevertheless you HAVE given birth.

I've had one of each. The emcs left me with some unfinished business and the vbac made me feel a load better. I felt sensitive about this for a while too.

Yanbu, but don't dwell.

xxPB