To be really farking annoyed at DD's school marketing ploys?

[NoPresentsInVictorianSqualor]

I have talked before about the huge amount of money that the school asks from us but when it's for trips and experiences it doesn't bother me too much.

But every couple of weeks the PTA has some sort of fund-raising thingy going on (again I realise my DD&DS will benefit from this). The christmas term is the worst. We've had the xmas cards they made, the different carol concerts (which though much nicer with mulled wine and minced pies, is just another money-making event) we had mufti day last week, they have had three different costumes to find in the last month etc.

Today is the xmas fayre. If I want to I can purchase a calendar (which is basically a picture my DC's drew with one of those calendar thingys on) for £1.
I don't want to!
I've told them we will make our own calendars by creating month specific pictures and photographing them and doing it online much better IMO, but anyway I digress.

I turn up at the school with a very poorly 7 month old, who tbh, I didn't want to wake, nor take outside but I had no choice.
There is absolutely no way I am planning on going to this poxy fayre but that's ok, because it's in the Quad, so I can go round to get to DD's class, pick her up and come straight home.

I get to the school only to find parents waiting outside DD's classroom, which is empty.

A TA overhears us all talking about where our DCs are and says that they have gone to the fayre with their teacher. I mill about looking for DD for twenty fricking minutes, DS2 is crying and I am really fed up.

Then I see that there are children from her class coming out of the main hall. So I go in and she is stood right at the back with her teacher who is selling the calendars.

HOW DARE THEY GUILT ME INTO BUYING SOMETHING THAT WILL OTHERWISE GO IN THE BIN?????

Not only am I pissed off that I had to go right into the middle of the fayre (so the DC's can beg me for things) but they didn't tell us where they would be and they put my daughter in front of her work to try and make me buy it. I didn't buy it because it's crap and I don't want it but what about those who can;t afford it? How on earth would that make them feel? (I know it's only a pound, but there are a lot of people who have 3 children at that school, that's £3 for the calendars and £3 for the mufti in less than a week!)

oooh yes ds's school is the same and it really annoys me!

we've had the mufti days, xmas cards, marie curie daffodil, international day, hot chocolate day (selling hot chocolate at break time to kids who had brought in money...), raffle tickets, xmas fair, after school disco (pay to get in and provide cash for refreshments) etc etc... you feel like you can't NOT do any of them

but the worst was that the school was selling xmas trees for something like £30+, the smallest trees were 5-7 foot tall. we had several bullying (imo) letters saying that each tree sold raises money for the school and they only had 8 orders and needed 25 to break even (or something).

my flat is way too small for a 5-7 foot tree and i don't have £30 on top of everything else. and i don't have a car so would have no way of getting it home from school. i bet the 8 orders were from the middle class mums on the PITA PTA and i found it really thoughtless that they expected everyone else to stump up

sorry rant over, but this really struck a chord

sorry - just rereading and feel a bit mean cos i do think our pta do an amazing job and i actually help out and donate things and try to be part of it.

it's just feeling sorry for the kids who are inevitably excluded because they cant afford it and realistically no-one goes to the school and says "i can't really afford £3 each for my 3 dcs to come to this event, it's been a tough month, please help" - you just don't buy a ticket and they don't go.

and the christmas tree thing really annoyed me!

...and release

Its easy to say that parents should just opt out if they don't want to pay out..but how on earth can tell your child you won't be going to see her in the school play because you are trying to make a point. Its not fair on them, and isn't this supposed to be about them?

..and how can you join the PTA to change it? you can hardly say "well I'm here to get rid of you, cos I think you're not needed!"

All these extras the PTA fund raise for are just NOT necessary and the kids can do without them really. Too many PTA parents don't have enough to do with their lives. Instead of organising and bossing the parents they should put their skills to raising money for proper charities!!

In my area lil, the PTA is vital-you see what happens if you don't have a PTA raising money!!
I am not on a PTA any longer but I would be furious about your post if I was!
I found that those on the PTA did lots of things-there are too many people who sit on their backsides doing notheing and then moan! You wouldn't be going on to the PTA to get rid of them-you would be going on to WORK for your DCs. You would be finding a way to raise money for your children without continually asking the parents.

at primary I was part of the PTA. We raised a lot of money, the children enjoyed themselves and the parents didn't complain. We managed that partly by raising some of the money from the local community not just from parents and partly by running social events that people were mostly happy to attend and to bring non parent friends to. There was a fair amount of moral compulsion because most parents joined in. Didn't realise how unusual that was until secondary.

Now we have a voluntary subscription, a 100/200 club and various PTA events. We don't attend because they aren't much fun - just throw enough money at the school to cover our child's share of the benfits and a bit over for those that really can't aford to contribute. IMHO not contributing to something your child benefits from is indefensible. If you can't afford cash you contribute in time.

School trips are different. The school ski trip is to somewhere that will cost 1750 - why? Plenty of other places to go that cost a lot less. DofE, on the other hand, costs about 30 pounds plus 15 pounds for the books at bronze level. Gold would cost a lot more because its longer but few get that far. My children have more sense than to ask about the ski trip at that price because they know they'd have to get a job to fund it.

lil that's an outrageous post.

I am furious at it. I have plenty to do with my life thanks very much, but I choose to spend some of my free time helping my kids' schools.

I hope the other parents don't have your attitude
(and I hardly ever use that one)

lil - tell that to the children at our school (area of significant deprivation - free school meals count much higher than national average) who are able to go on the year 6 adventure trip because they a re subsidized by the PTA.

Unbelievable attitude lil.
At my boys' primary and my school the moneys raised by PTA each year are relatively small, compared to figures I read on here each year. (I think c.£5k annually at the primary, less at the secondary.)

Yes, that is a very small % in term's of the school's annual budget, but it is all used on specials, on extra things, to enhance the education for the children, and has to be a good thing.

I have a number of friends who are comfortably off, but refuse to contribute anything to school, ever, because of supposed political views that education should be "free for all". Such liberal political views don't seem to affect their lives in any other way, and in my cynical moments I think their refusal to open their wallets depends more closely on greed and selfishness.

Am gobsmacked at the poster below who has been asked to pay £5 for a ticket to a school production! Totally over the top.

Regarding PTA, have to say I am very disillusioned with it having joined when dd1 started reception. In a school of over 400 pupils, it's the same few parents every time slogging away to organise events, etc. And I mean slog - it's impossible to go to a meeting and come away with a 'job' you feel you could fit in around everything else, there is a lot of pressure to take on huge roles which, frankly, I just felt overwhelmed with. I still support the school baking cakes, raffle prizes, christmas cards etc but do not get actively involved in the PTA.

It is really hard work, as you say pacinofan, so to say that it is full of people with not enough to do just makes me see red!! Public spirited people help because they want their DCs to have the extras at school and I think that you will find that they are very busy people in all areas of life! I haven't got over a woman at pre school who asked to bake a cake shrugged her shoulders and said she couldn't possibly as she had 2 under 5's! I had the same but I managed one -even if I was doing it at 9pm.
Those who don't want to pay out a lot of money could go to the PTA and say I won't be contributing much and I haven't time to be on the committee but I am willing to be on a stall for 4 hours or set up for a stall etc. The reason that you come away from a meeting with a job is because most people refuse to do anything and then moan!

unfortunately can see both sides of this. One of my friends practically runs the school PA - she does so because she is a control freak who can't bear not to be in charge. It's not healthy. Other parents do not get the right type of encouragement to contribute. Those parents who do get involved run events they like not those accessible to everyone - then wonder why other people don't turn up.

But I've seen a PA that doesn't run like that and I know it's possible to do it differently, have fun and get money out of people without too much grumbling. How you raise money would have to vary from place to place but people who grumble about buying junk their kids have made will probably happily spend money on entertainment for themselves or their children. Trick is to work out what they will pay for and sell it to them.

If people are unhappy with the way the PA is run it only takes a couple of determined people to change it.

An appeal after Christmas for unwanted presents often turns up a lot of things that some people see as "junk" and others are very happy to buy or get as raffle prizes.

IME, (I have 5) I am happy to support things like the xmas fair etc but I object to being bullied into things like contributing £15 for teacher's present...

TBH, most people who run these things mean well, but there are certainly a few who get a real kick out of bossing organising other parents, and also trying to out-do previous PTA members' efforts.. This is a fact. One mum at our school has admitted it.

It is those type of people who give the whole PTA thing a bad name. And there are a few in every school. Trust me

Who asked you for £15 for a teacher's present? That sounds bonkers to me!

I've been asked for £15 this year, hence my anger at the PTA. I appreciate that money raised for less well off kids to go on a camp (as above!) is a good thing, but in my experience here in leafy surrey the money gets spent on benches, difital cameras, etc etc stuff you can do without. The kids honestly wouldn't notice if this was there or not, but the PTA act as if it is essential and they can't see how it is just their desire and energy to do something with their day, that has been misdirected.

Most schools not in deprived areas could live quite happily without cake baking and tombolas frankly...but I wonder if the mothers could!!!

I emphatically do not bake cakes and run stalls at PTA events to satisfy some desire to organise things - I get enough of that at home and school - and find the suggestion that I and others do offensive.

Many of the people on our PTA have careers outside the home, FWIW, not that I have a problem with those who don't.

We live in a leafy area - but the £15 trim trail was still much needed and has made a real difference, as I said before, to the children's experience and enjoyment of school. Frankly for that I am prepapred to endure a bit of bun-baking and raffle ticket selling.

doh! I meant at home and work not school (Freudian slip clealry )

£15 for a teacher's present!! I would tell them I would prefer to get my own.

We've all had to take a sick child out with us while we picked up another one. Or asked a mum to bring an older child home. It happens. It's not the fault of the fair or the teacher. I still don't see what the fuss was about. And how much was the item you felt pressurised into buying? £1.

PTAs don't organise school trips, or indeed, school plays, and if you bothered to join in, you'd know that. As for being so appallingly, Jerry SPringerishly rude to a teacher IN FRONT of your child, her pupil, that is really shocking. And all over having a tantrum about possibly paying £1 for something....unbelieveable.
My former head of our PTA had five kids and worked as a GP. But hey, maybe you are right and she just didn't have enough to do.

I support the school's PTA, but don't overcommit. I like the school fairs and other PTA stuff, and help out (a bit) and give them money (a bit). I do admire those parents who spend several hours each week on PTA work, but also worry about them if I am honest.

I was speaking to a leading light of the PTA at our school play yesterday. Her daughter had recently got her 11+ results and failed by just 1 mark. Her mother could not hide her upset and said to me, if only she has spent less time in the PTA and more time helping her dd....

May or may not have been relevant, but the guilt trip inspired by the PTA runs deep, I think. It is easy to get sucked in IMO.

I find the negativity on this thread towards schools fundraising staggering. These are YOUR kids who are benefitting; the budget per child per year in state schools is TINY. Any addition is necessary and should be welcomed.

I find the negativity staggering, people should be really thankful that people give up their time to do all the organising-I think they would be staggered to find what was missing if no one bothered! To then castigate PTA members as self important, cliquey, busybodies with nothing else to do is extemely unfair!
I can't see why it is important where a DC is picked up from-if they were in the hall not the classroom so what-it is not something to be rude about! You can just say no thank you (politely) to buying a calendar.

So far this month and I mean this month alone as in December, we're on what day 6? I have had to pay out for...

The school christmas party £1.50
£1 so that dd1 could go see an author do a talk/read part of her book or something which dd said was really boring.
I had to pay £4 for school show things that they said I had not paid for but I'm sure I'd paid for at least one of them but have no proof as they don't give out receipts.
They decided to get the school photo's taken on December 1st so that we'd have them in time for Christmas, even though they only had them take 8 months ago! So that's another £20 to pay out. And I know I don't have to buy them but I'd feel guilty if I was the only parent who didn't.
Dd got to bring home a christmas card drawing page which will get made into christmas cards which will be sold to me at £5 a time, not sure how many cards are in the pack but think it might be 5.
the christmas fayre is still to come and will cost £4 to get me and dd1 and dd2 into so we won't be going to that as I refuse to give them anymore money.
And Dd1 came home on Friday and told me that their class hamper for the christmas fayre is a colour this year and I told her that I'm not buying anything else and she won't be donating to the hamper this year and if they don't like it then tough.

Homestly they must think people are made of money. I feel sorry for the people who have 4 children at the school and there are quite a few of them.

Superfrench, I am amazed that the pta expected parents to fork out £30 for a tree!!!!
I would have said no thank you and the fact that they were running at a loss is the fault of the pta what a stupid idea.
However other less costly ideas are fine.
I always bake, and yes give my kids money to buy back the buns that I have no doubt baked, but I try to see it as a comliment.
I did buy my child's picture for £3.50 I think!!! but there was no pressure from the teacher and at the end of the day what would I pay to make my child feel that her mum loved and valued her artwork.

My oh always remembers his dad throwing his brother's woodwork in the bin as it was "crap" and he could have done better himself. Strangely they do not have a close relationship.

I think to slag off the pta as having nothing better to do is unfair they are probably well meaning.

It's just gross to be so disgusted by all this hard work the school are putting in

Can you not hear yourself?

"the school christmas party £1.50" eg, lots of kind teachers/parents are giving their time for free so that your children can have a party at Christmas, asking only for a very small donation each

Yes, these things add up. But it's just another aspect of parenting to juggle and to weigh up; no need to be so scathing of these things which are simply for the benefit of children.

How fantastic that the school take photos; how fantastic that they bother to put on a play.

Your attitude is mean spirited in the extreme.

Poorer people might pay less than you do but still do what they can with better grace, TBH.