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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have made a complaint about a member of staff

106 replies

tots2ten · 01/12/2008 16:40

I was told this morning, that my sil's brother's (i will call him B) girlfriend (i will call her A) asked to finish work early on saturday as it was my niece's birthday party. She told her boss that niece's grandmother is ill and we are having a big 'family' party. She was allowed to finish earlier. BUT never went to the party.

My mum has lung cancer, and has never met A, at all [ever], niether have I. She has only been with B for a few weeks.

So I phoned her place of work this morning to make a complaint that she is using MY mother as a excuse to leave work early and that she never even went to the party.

What upset me the most was that she told her boss that this party was just for my mum as she missed the original party as she was unwell.

So was I BU to have phoned her work? I am still very angry as are quite a few family members.

OP posts:

thenewme · 01/12/2008 16:41

Interesting way of handling it.

norksinmywaistband · 01/12/2008 16:42

I think YABU I understand your anger but to risk her losing her job in the current financial situation is not acceptable

solidgoldbrass · 01/12/2008 16:43

FFS are you for real? Are there genuinely people as officious, self-righteous and spiteful as this who haven't yet had the kicking they deserve?

If you genuinely did this to a woman you have never met, then I wonder what else you are capable of. Actually I wonder how many times your windows have been bricked and lawsuits begun against you for slander and harassment.

CrushWithEyeliner · 01/12/2008 16:43

I bet you are really upset at her.
I personally wouldn't have called her work but would have had words with her directly.

ABudafulSightWereHappyTonight · 01/12/2008 16:43

And it was your business why exactly??

CrushWithEyeliner · 01/12/2008 16:44

oh and YABU as you may have caused her to loose her job which is really unfair.

akhems · 01/12/2008 16:45

puhleaaaaaaase... this has to be a wind up surely??

if not... you seriously need to get a life!

Blinglovin · 01/12/2008 16:45

Why is it your problem? I understand why you're angry, but this woman is NOTHING in your life and I'm assuming her boss has nothing to do with you or her mum?

If by telling her boss that your mum was ill it led to something bad happening to your mum/you, then that would be different eg the boss is also your mum's boss or whatever. But really, she could have said anything to get off work early and it doesn't really have anything to do with you.

Cicatrice · 01/12/2008 16:47

Yes YABU. It hasn't actually hurt your or your mother. She lied to her employer, not to anyone in your family.

While it is distasteful behaviour, you shouldn't be phoning her work.

Its really none of your business.

StayFrostyTheSnowMam · 01/12/2008 16:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChubbyDickAndSnowBalls · 01/12/2008 16:47

WOW, wouldn't like to get on the wrong side of you.

YABU.

Original poster

tots2ten · 01/12/2008 16:48

Blinglovnin: IT WAS MY MUM she was using as the excuse to leave work, and yes my mum has lung cancer! I would never use someone elses illness as a way to leave work early!

OP posts:

captainmummy · 01/12/2008 16:48

She's been with you Sil's brother for a matter of weeks? And you think it is your business? OK maybe she shouldn't have used the party as an excuse to get off work early but Why is it your business?

Lemontart · 01/12/2008 16:48

you asked for opinions: personally I think your actions were OTT and unreasonable. In your position I would have been irritated and annoyed enough to confront her about it BUT would not consider it my place to start informing her place of work. There might also have been a genuine reason why she could not make the party and not felt able to broadcast it to the larger family.
Your actions are also risking your relationship with you and other members of the family. This is the sort of thing that ends up causing such long term bad feeling and family rifts. I hope that it does not come to that, especially in light of your mum being so ill.

Lauriefairycake · 01/12/2008 16:49

Maybe you're upset and projecting your angry feelings because of your mums illness. Sorry to hear about that

No, you should not have called her work - she used your family's party as an excuse, she doesn't know any of you well enough for it to matter, right now you are just strangers for an excuse. Maybe she had something she wanted to do.

It was just an excuse for her to do what she wanted and none of you are important enough to her yet for it to matter.

You did the wrong thing and I hope you apologise.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 01/12/2008 16:50

Not something I would ever have done, tbh, but maybe you are very angry and upset because you feel she is using your mum's illness to her own ends??? At the end of the day, though, it doesn't really affect you or your mum- unless your mum has been very upset about it and this is why YOU are so upset about it.

As you ARE so upset and angry about it, have you actually spoken to her about it? It might be that she intended to come to the party, but something else happened to prevent it- maybe she fell out with B, or got home to find her heating had packed up, or got a phonecall from a friend who was hugely upset about something and needed her- who knows? I would tend to give people the benefit of the doubt in cases like this. Her absence at the party presumably didn't matter to you, nor did her absence at her work, so can't really see why it should upset you so much, unless there is more to it.

shitehawk · 01/12/2008 16:51

You spiteful piece of work.

You would be justified in being upset, but her work has nothing to do with you, and neither do her reasons for telling her boss whatever she told him.

Blinglovin · 01/12/2008 16:51

Sorry tots, just because it was your mum, I STILL DONT' SEE THAT AS A PROBLEM FOR YOU.

She has hurt no one but herself, as my mother used to tell me, so really, let it go. Spend your energy looking after your mum and spending time with her. This woman is nothing in your life and you shouldn't be getting worked up by her.

StewieGriffinsMom · 01/12/2008 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

DaidiNaNollag · 01/12/2008 16:53

No, she shouldn't have used your Mum's illness as a reason to leave work early especially if she never had any intention to attend the party, but you were really OTT to phone her job.

ruddynorah · 01/12/2008 16:53

what a horrid thing to say you freak! what's it to you what she says to her boss?

jammi · 01/12/2008 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

2AdventSevenfoldShoes · 01/12/2008 16:55

what shitehawk said

Original poster

tots2ten · 01/12/2008 16:55

She went to the cinema with her partner,

All family members know i have reported her, as does A. She had a telling off, (doesnt helo that people who work with her, have known my mum for years and A knows this)

OP posts:

Original poster

tots2ten · 01/12/2008 16:56

she is my brothers (girlfriends, brothers partner)

OP posts:

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