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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Have I done the wrong thing getting rid!!!!!

123 replies

blueheather · 30/11/2008 16:56

Please help.
I got a puppy 4 months ago, she is a lovely dog, but I have felt completely overwhelmed. From the minute I wake to when I go to bed I have been stressing about the dog. I have an 8 year old who adores the dog and helps when asked but I am the carer, walker, scopper, feeder, discipliner etc etc, as wll as co running a business and looking after 2 kids, house etc..
If she is in the house it stresses me as she wants to destroy it and if outside I can see her face through the cat flap wanting to come in and be with me. I have to tether her outside so she doesn't escape. I feel my space is invaded in the hosue though.
When I go on business away she goes to a stables and LOVES it. She is with 3 other dogs of her kind and has fun and space to run and play.
Today when I returned we agreed the dog could stay on the farm and I was relieved but upset too. My 8 yr old has convinced herself (with my help) that the dog is happier at the stables and the owner has agreed to let my daughter help with the horses and visit the dog whenever she likes.
Have I been totally selfish? I do feel the house is empty but know if she was here it would be destoyed. My husband who normally does nothing really with the dog is upset at what I have done and says the kids will be very upset when it hits them in a few days!

Do I go and get her back and put up or stick with getting rid!

Please help me!

OP posts:

moondog · 30/11/2008 16:58

You should have thought of all this before gettin the thing. Very selfish t pass it onto osmoeone else I presume you have contributed handsomly to future upkeep?

thenewme · 30/11/2008 16:59

You have definitely done the right thing giving the dog to people who can give it the exercise and attention it deserves.

LulumamaLovesLatkes · 30/11/2008 16:59

i think you did the wrong thing getting a puppy with no idea of the work and commitment involved.....

you tied the poor dog outside and resent it, so for the dog's sake, it would be better of with people who can willingly provide for its needs.. you can;t bring the dog back and then get rid again when you are fed up...

you should have done some training with it and really got your head around what a pup needs. dogs can live a long time, and you needed to have considered this before you got a dog

i think you should leave the dog where it is , rather than keep uprooting it

givethedogabone · 30/11/2008 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

falcon · 30/11/2008 17:01

No please leave her there. Dogs shouldn't be tethered outside, they're pack animals and need company and leadership, leaving her outside most of the day is cruel and it doesn't seem as though you have the time or will to go through training with her.

belgo · 30/11/2008 17:01

Leave the dog in it's new home where it's obviously happier, and whatever you do, don't get another one. Dogs are hard work, and unless you really love them and are prepared to put in the work, then just don't get one, it's not fair on the dog.

2AdventSevenfoldShoes · 30/11/2008 17:03

you have done the right thing
leave the dog where it is, it is happy now.
(from someone who sadly had to rehome a much loved dog)

Original poster

blueheather · 30/11/2008 17:04

Gosh I think you've all got me a bit wrong.

I spend around 2 hours per day walking her and playing, I go to obedience with her every week, she is doing really well!

I simply feel that she wants to be with me ALL the time and I don;t get the space to be with my kids. I always feel I have to think of the dog.
It was a well considered decision to get her, but perhaps I have bitten off more than I can chew all togther.

Please don;t judge me!

OP posts:

hippipotami · 30/11/2008 17:04

I am a bit shocked that you appear to have done no research before getting the pup. Did you not realise it would need time, money and effort spending on it?

Absolutely do NOT bring the dog back home. She deserves to be somewhere where she will be loved adn cared for.

Tied up outside?? Words fail me.
It sounds like you chose the wrong type of dog in terms of the commitment you could offer.
Dogs tend to destroy the house when bored / not given enough stimulation or exercise.
You could have trained her not to destroy the house, tethering her up outside is cruel.

hippipotami · 30/11/2008 17:05

Okay, crossposted, sorry.

I think perhaps you should have got a calmer / less demanding breed.

She sounds happy at the farm, you sound unhappy with her home, so leave her at the farm.

belgo · 30/11/2008 17:05

hippi- I'm not shocked, loads of who people get dogs are unable to care for them properly. There are very many irresponsible dog owners around unfortunately.

thenewme · 30/11/2008 17:06

Of course she wanted to be with you all the time. That is what dogs are like!

belgo · 30/11/2008 17:06

Sorry if I come across harsh blueheather. You've done the right thing in finding her a home where she is happy.

gokwancarr · 30/11/2008 17:07

you have done the right thing. it'll be much happier where it is now.
don't beat yourself up too much for getting a dog without realising how hard work they are - we did the same but fortunately had no dc at the time so were able to devote a lot of time to training etc...it's like having a baby, everyone tells you it's hard but you don't really understand till you're in that situation.

Original poster

blueheather · 30/11/2008 17:08

I am NOT an irresponsible dog owner!
I leave her outside between 10 and 3 when I'm at work and then she comes inside to play and be with us.

I did plenty research and I give her the time she needs and deserves BUT at the detriment of the family life - if I do something I HAVE to do it well and feel she needs 4 hours per day of my time and rest assured if she is here I DO give her what she needs. I think I am being responsible by asking for advice!!

OP posts:

LulumamaLovesLatkes · 30/11/2008 17:12

well, maybe you should have put all that in your OP

if you are doing all the right things with the dog, why give up? it takes time, same as with a baby , you have a few months where it is feeding/weeing/pooing/crying/ up in the night and then things settle

but i think on balance it was right to give the dog to this other family

hippipotami · 30/11/2008 17:15

Sorry blueheather, but you cannot say you are not an irresponsible dog owner and then admit in the same sentence you leave her thethered outside from 10am until 3 pm. That is 5 hours! Dogs are social animals, they need to be with other dogs or with humans.
You may have found she wants to be with you all the time because she is scared you will put her outside again.

Yes you are responsible for seeing advice, but only after you have left her outside adn after you gave her away.
And now you are willign to confuse her by bringing her back. You are going to end up with one nervous, neurotic dog.

Sorry, but leave her there, best for all of you.

noonki · 30/11/2008 17:15

YANBU

I sounds like you have done the right thing, we had to give away one of our dogs (to my mum) when DS2 arrived, I got ill (longterm) and DS1 was only 20 months and couldn't deal with 2 dogs as well.

We still see her at mum's and she is so happy and settled and gets spoilt rotten.

I would never get a pup again either as hard as a baby I reakon!

gokwancarr · 30/11/2008 17:15

at the end of the day the main thing is that the dog is happy...irrelevant whether keeping it is the 'right' thing to do or not. you haven't tied it to a lamp post and left it somewhere, you have ensured it will be well looked after, all's well that ends well i say.

chipmonkey · 30/11/2008 17:16

Oh come on, give the girl a break! Has none of you ever made a mistake? blueheather, you have done the right thing, the dog is happier and you are happier and your dd will get over it even if she does miss the dog initially. To have kept her under the circumstances would have been unfair.

juicyjolly · 30/11/2008 17:17

It is a shame you hadn't thought about all that is involved in keeping a dog..especially when they are pups.
I do know how much time and effort it takes to look after them, just like I know the rewards of having a dog are worth the hassle.

I swear that there have been times that the dog has been more of an 'effort' to look after than my LO!! But I couldn't give my dog away any more than I could my kids.

I really wouldn't bother going to get the dog back...it will be perfectly happy were it is now...and to be honest, if you could give it away for the reasons you did, then it will probably be better off were it is.

salsmum · 30/11/2008 17:24

My Staffy lived to be nearly 15 and just recently had to be PTS He followed me around like a shadow. I was a lone parent for 12 of those 15 years with 2 kids 1 of whom is severely disabled. I would never have got rid of my dog and from the beginning read about the breed and realised he was a full time commitment [18 years a dog can live for] so not a decision to be taken lightly. your dog is obviously happy in his new home so I would suggest leaving him there to tether him outside if he's neither a farm dog or working dog is not good. If your hubby is so upset maybe he should have taken a more active role in helping with the dog. Sorry if I sound harsh but I've seen all the dogs in rescue homes and know there will be more after xmas and it's sooo sad.
Yes my dogs have always been rescue dogs.

wonderstuff · 30/11/2008 17:25

You've done the right thing, the kids will get over it and so will you hubby. Think some people here are being a bit harsh tbh.

hollyandnoah · 30/11/2008 17:26

I think you have done the right thing for her in the long run. Some breeds are more needy than others and you should have researched before you bought.
It is a shame that at such a young age she has been shuffled to now her third home in .. 5, 6 months?
But if she wasn't right for you then it wouldnt have been right to keep her.

Original poster

blueheather · 30/11/2008 17:26

This is very upsetting I have to say. She is tethered on a very long line and has free run of the back garden and a little house with water and food, I know people who leave them out on a short lead 9 til 5 and no shelter, walks etc..

Many of you have completely taken what I have said at face value.
Yes I did research
Yes I care for her
Yes I leave her when I go to work - who doesn't!
I have given her to a place where she is happy with other dogs - they actually get NO walks or stay with the humans inside, they are outside in a shed with heater and each other.
God, what did I do to upset you all??

OP posts:

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