Have I done the wrong thing getting rid!!!!!

[blueheather]

Please help.
I got a puppy 4 months ago, she is a lovely dog, but I have felt completely overwhelmed. From the minute I wake to when I go to bed I have been stressing about the dog. I have an 8 year old who adores the dog and helps when asked but I am the carer, walker, scopper, feeder, discipliner etc etc, as wll as co running a business and looking after 2 kids, house etc..
If she is in the house it stresses me as she wants to destroy it and if outside I can see her face through the cat flap wanting to come in and be with me. I have to tether her outside so she doesn't escape. I feel my space is invaded in the hosue though.
When I go on business away she goes to a stables and LOVES it. She is with 3 other dogs of her kind and has fun and space to run and play.
Today when I returned we agreed the dog could stay on the farm and I was relieved but upset too. My 8 yr old has convinced herself (with my help) that the dog is happier at the stables and the owner has agreed to let my daughter help with the horses and visit the dog whenever she likes.
Have I been totally selfish? I do feel the house is empty but know if she was here it would be destoyed. My husband who normally does nothing really with the dog is upset at what I have done and says the kids will be very upset when it hits them in a few days!

Do I go and get her back and put up or stick with getting rid!

Please help me!

"MN can be a lovely supportive place but it can also be one of the most vitriolic places imaginable" - mostly the latter, surely!

I swear some people only post on here when suffering pmt.

Yes AIBU can be a bit 'baptism of fire'-ish. Sometimes people want an argument!

You have done the right thing and it's obvious you do care, that comes across from your posts.

You aren't the first and you won't be the last to take on a puppy without realising what it entails. You've done the right thing by the sounds of it. It's hard to admit you've made a mistake, so well done.

For what it's worth, dogs are highly social animals and being left alone for 5 hours a day was never ideal, even if you gave it plenty of attention at other times. I'm sure you provided adequate shelter and made sure it was safe, but probably the reason it was wanting to be with you all the time was because of the time it had to spend alone. If you ever do get another dog and are still going to have to go out to work, please consider getting a dog walker to break up its time alone. Especially while it's young.

It sounds like your dog will have plenty of company now. Doggy company is even better than people company from a dog's point of view

We made a mistake buying a dog and gave her away to a family who could cope.
At the end of the day we got our dog from the pound so at least we got her out of that situation.
Don't beat yourself up about it.

I think you've done the right thing once you realised that taking on the dog had been a mistake. It sounds like your 8 year old who helped has accepted the situation, and if your dh wasn't helping with the dog who is he to say? I think it would be more selfish to keep a dog and for it not to have the life it needs/deserves.

leaving a house puppy outside for 5 hours in this weather, suprised she was alive on your return.

I think its incredibly selfish to have a dog if no ones at home for the most part of the day, perhaps you should have got a cat instead?

Leave it at the farm, sounds like the dogs much happier, your much happier and the children can get to see it as often as they want, what more could you ask for?
dont get anougher dog!

I remember feeling like that when my dog was that age - seemed like all work and no reward.

You have done the right and responsible thing.
I am glad your dd is dealing with this whole thing ok

blueheather- you are getting a really hard time here, it seems! I am a dog-lover- we had our dogs before our kids, and now, with 3 kids under 5, I find the dogs far more hassle. In my case, I couldn't rehome them (my old boy is 13 1/2), but I DO think you have done the right thing. It's not like you gave the dog to the nearest shelter, or abandoned it. As a vet, I see lots of dogs that would be far better off rehomed, but there is such a guilt issue surrounding rehoming, and there seems to be a "you made your bed..." mentality around, which is daft, as far as I can see.

All dogs are different- it's no good saying "you should have researched more"- that's like saying if you'd made sure your child was a certain star-sign, you would have been able to predict what kind of child you would have!! Some breeds do have distinct characteristics- what kind of dog was it you had?? If it was a border collie or a cross collie, they are generally very smart dogs and need a huge lot of time and attention, but you can have variations between breeds.

FWIW, even as a vet (who should therefore have a bit of an idea about cats! ) I adopted a cat from the surgery, on a trial basis. After 2 weeks I took it back. He HATED our noisy house- he peed and pooed everywhere and took to hiding away- not a happy camper. He was rehomed to an elderly couple who dote on him, and he them. Sometimes you need to do what is right for the animal, and if you are starting to resent the animal it won't in turn be happy.

People are being very harsh, I feel. Owning a dog, or cat, is a relationship. Sometimes relationships don't work out- otherwise we'd all be sitting married to the first guy we ever kissed! If you'd posted that your DH wanted you to himself all day, and you were frazzled keeping up with his needs, noone would have told you you should have researched marriage before getting into one!

You are also lucky you can still have a relationship with your ex-dog, and make sure she is happy in her new surroundings. I think it is much better all round

YANBU - the dog seems happier there, which is the most important thing, and you will get over it.

You needn't be villified, you felt you weren't giving the dog what it deserved and you've done domthing about it - but then you'll always get jumped on and judged on here by some tightly wound people! Some people will claim to be "dog lovers" then feed their pooches till they're obese and can barely walk, and never take them to classes so they then can't go to the park because they can't behave etc... So don't feel too bad.

To put it simply though, on her own/and outside 10am-3pm isn't on and will cause anxiety in the dog. When I volunteered with dog-homing at the RSPCA a few years back, you simply wouldn't be allowed a dog if you planned to leave it alone for more than four hours a day. With a puppy, even less time. So put it down to experience.

you are getting a bloody hard time because you deserve it..

'I have to tether her outside'

No you don't. You CHOSE to. Did you never once feel cruel when doing that?

'I feel my space is invaded' - selfish.

The dog will be better off where she is.
Don't get another pet.

It sounds like you were very ill advised to get a puppy at this point in your life. They are extremely demanding, and you have to really like that level of devotion. What were your original reasons for getting a puppy, and what sort of breed was she?

My mother got our family dog just before she had my middle sister (I don't know what she was thinking of, as she also had a 3 and a 4 year old), and she told us afterwards that she had thought about giving him away several times before he grew out of being a terrible puppy (he was a Springer Spaniel, and they re known for being willful). However he grew out of being a puppy very fast, and she loved him very much. We were all devastated when he died. Subsequent family dogs have all been six months or more on adoption by her choice. We are thinking of getting a dog for our family, but I would never get a puppy as a first dog, I think only experienced dog owners should take on puppies, and that you have to be at home and with them all the time for a good few months.

I think the reason why you are getting a roasting here is because many people think of their dogs as part of their family, and as such would not tie them up outside for long periods of time, when it is clearly not where they want to be, or contemplate giving them away except in extremis.

She is a lab. People seem to have issue with the tying up outside it seems. When I got her the vet advised to crate 3 hrs am, then a break and 3 hrs pm or one stint of 5 hrs while at work only, which I did, then when a little bigger she went outside with a run of the garden and a little house with toys, pigs ears etc.., but not when raining/cold.
Out of all the friends I have with dogs mine is left the least! One leaves hers 8 hrs in a crate, another in a pen for 9 hrs and another with a boxer in a garage all day and eve!
LOVESCATSANDDOGS - if she isn't tied up on a long line - she runs away - THAT would be cruel, it's not ALL DAY - she has an hour walk before and after being in the garden and then in the evening gets time with us - how DARE you judge to that level when you have not read all the facts!
I have simply asked the question have I done the wrong thing because we do love her and enjoy classes and going to the beach.
Obviously you have all made ironcast perfect decisions in your life and never made errors of judgement!
I have given her everything she needs, ALL of the time except when at work for 5 hrs 4 days per week. 20 hrs per WEEK. The rest I work at home.
I have bitten off more than I can chew and made a decision to home her where she would have the life of riley - yes I'm really selfish aren't I!!!!

All the judgey folk on here self righteously exercising themselves about 'cruelty', why not pop off to the RSPCA web site and read some very distressing stories about people who really DON'T give a shit about what happens to their animals.

You know, the ones that leave them to starve to death, torture them or set them to fighting and killing other dogs?

OP - you are not cruel. You realised dog ownership was not for you and you found your pup a new home where he's happy.

You do have a point revjustabout. Apparently donations to animal charities are higher than child protection charities over here. That's messed up.

YANBU!

You gave it a go, you couldn't make it work, you made sure the dog went to somewhere it would be happier.

Some people are mental!

Actually, tethering a young pup (4 months old) up in teh garden, in teh winter, for up to 5 hours is cruel. Unless the dog was bread as an outside dog in which case she would have been used to it.

And tethering is always dubious, especially on a long line, pup could have got stuck, tied up, line caught around neck and suffocated, not a good idea.

But the rehoming was a sensible and kind thing to do. No-one is disputing that.

Blueheather, sorry things did not work out. But pup was only young, the first few months with a pup are very very tough. But I can't help but feel that if you had perservered (spelling) and carried on with the trainign which was going so well, you would have trained her out of the chewing and demanding behaviour and you could have ended up with a lovely pet.

Either way, hope you are okay

I think you have done the responsible thing. Far better to let it go to a good home than struggle on getting stressed and possibly take it out on the dog.

Pets are a nightmare very demanding.

UPDATE:
By the way she is 7 months now - not 4 months just FYI

Today I have spoken with the farm and the lady has agreed to help me out instead of re homing completely.

She is to go and spend every other day with the other labs on the farm (every day if we need it) for a small fee and then when we are at home she can be with us.

We can continue classes that she was doing well at and I can keep my sanity and also not feel guilty about leaving her at all. I feel an overwhelming sense of responsibilty to her and she is part of our family. I think this is the best solution and my DH has agreed to get a rota going for care and walks etcc to stop me being the main carer.

I tell you what blueheather, you have some nice friends don't you :

"One leaves hers 8 hrs in a crate, another in a pen for 9 hrs and another with a boxer in a garage all day and eve!"

Yes, they are worse than you. You all make me sick.

In answer to the people saying we are going ott in response and she is making best of bad job : GET REAL

SHE made ethe choice to get the dog, as did her low-life mates. They should all be fucking ashamed of themselves and it is against the law to crate a dog for that length of time so OP if you know for a fact, ring the RSPCA and report your 'friend' - go on, do something right for once.

Labs are incredibly enegetic, and very devoted. They are happier in company. I don't think they are a good choice for a first dog, although they are very trainable.

It sounds as though you have figured out a balance that should help you get through this intense early period. But you should be aware that so long as you provide the majority of care the dog will look to you as pack leader, and will adore you. That can either be delightful, or suffocating, depending on you (much like the way people feel about babies).

Personally I think the abuse is related to the really crass thread title. "Getting rid" is what you do with unwanted possessions, not a dog.

OP, please don't tie her up anymore. Even if it is every other day. If you really have to keep her, at least send her to the farm everyday.

Dogs need looking after all the time, like children do.

And I agree, you need to ring the RSPCA about your friends. That is cruelty to animals I am afraid.

I love animals and would love a dog, but they need constant attention and therefore will not get one, we have cats instead.

I am sorry but I really feel sorry for this dog, and your friends ones. I am trying not to have a go at you but it just really gets to me when I hear about animals being treated like this. It is not on.