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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I done the wrong thing getting rid!!!!!

123 replies

blueheather · 30/11/2008 16:56

Please help.
I got a puppy 4 months ago, she is a lovely dog, but I have felt completely overwhelmed. From the minute I wake to when I go to bed I have been stressing about the dog. I have an 8 year old who adores the dog and helps when asked but I am the carer, walker, scopper, feeder, discipliner etc etc, as wll as co running a business and looking after 2 kids, house etc..
If she is in the house it stresses me as she wants to destroy it and if outside I can see her face through the cat flap wanting to come in and be with me. I have to tether her outside so she doesn't escape. I feel my space is invaded in the hosue though.
When I go on business away she goes to a stables and LOVES it. She is with 3 other dogs of her kind and has fun and space to run and play.
Today when I returned we agreed the dog could stay on the farm and I was relieved but upset too. My 8 yr old has convinced herself (with my help) that the dog is happier at the stables and the owner has agreed to let my daughter help with the horses and visit the dog whenever she likes.
Have I been totally selfish? I do feel the house is empty but know if she was here it would be destoyed. My husband who normally does nothing really with the dog is upset at what I have done and says the kids will be very upset when it hits them in a few days!

Do I go and get her back and put up or stick with getting rid!

Please help me!

OP posts:
LulumamaLovesLatkes · 30/11/2008 17:28

well, i guess the moral of the story is, don't ask if you are being unreasonable, if you don;t think you are !

lalalonglegs · 30/11/2008 17:28

It looks as if you tried really hard and the dog was a bit much. Leave her where she is. You've sorted out a really great home for her - not just left her on the hard shoulder of the nearest motorway.You should cut yourself some slack - and everyone else should too.

revjustabout · 30/11/2008 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hollyandnoah · 30/11/2008 17:33

Revjustabout - a mum struggling with bf wouldnt give the baby away. It is totally not the same thing.
I think blueheather has done the right thing, but i can't see how bf a baby and looking after a dog can be compaired.

revjustabout · 30/11/2008 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

revjustabout · 30/11/2008 17:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MincePirate · 30/11/2008 17:46

You had to go with what you felt was best in the end. All dogs are different, some are higher maintenence than others. If you couldn't in the end give the dog what it needed then you have done the best thing.

Original poster
blueheather · 30/11/2008 17:55

Thank you to those who are trying to understand.
Genuinely upset about all this and I suppose Mumsnet has always given me support with my kiddy related issues (I usually post under a different name).
I think juggling the kids and a dog after school is really hard. I have got a dog that needs lots more attention than your average. I do stress about these things and just want to be good at it all. I can't bear leaving her in the back or in a crate but we live in the real world and dogs are not top of the pile. Saying that I thought a dog would fit in nicely and you wouldn;t belive how much time I DO spend on the internet finding out if I should do this, that or the other with her.

When she first came home, I wanted to get her trained early and had the obedience trainer come to my house. She is really good at obedience. The other option was to send her to the farm alternate days, but I wasn't sure if it would fit in for the dog

OP posts:
2AdventSevenfoldShoes · 30/11/2008 18:00

blueheather don't feel bad, you have done the bad thing, we felt awful when we had to rehome our dog, but dd couldn't cope with it. so it was her or him.
sounds like your dog is going to be in a lovely place.

Original poster
blueheather · 30/11/2008 18:04

God what have I done - she is a lovely doggie, such a pretty face and loves us a lot. I am not a coper though, I find life in general quite hard.

OP posts:
Janos · 30/11/2008 18:52

Blueheather, please don't beat yourself up about this anymore. People here are being very harsh I think.

You did your best and you found the dog a new home where it will be happy. That's a good thing.

Judgey dog lovers should reflect on the fact that many people abandon and sadly do a lot worse to pets they don't want any more.

Giving a dog to a loving home is hardly cruel and irresponsible and OP is obviously in knots about it.

LoveBeingAMummy · 30/11/2008 18:59

You have done the right thing in finding a home that is suitable. Can't help thinking though that your research was a little off the mark though.

hullygully · 30/11/2008 19:04

You made a mistake. Now you're trying to put it right. Good for you (or at least better, and better for the dog). End of.

onthewarpath · 30/11/2008 19:05

Big clap to those who never make a mistake or change their mind.

To the OP You definitely did the right thing by finding an alternative home for the puppy. Anyone less scrupulous would just have abandoned it.

starbear · 30/11/2008 20:10

Blueheather, Your doing the right thing. Thank you for your post. I am still debating if we should get a dog or not as we have Ds but I can't have any more children and would like ds to have some company (dreaming in the shower) We had a friend's dog for two weeks in the summer. He was lovely but very time consuming when both of us work. I think you've helped me make up my mind. No to doggy but will help friends out with their dogs.

moondog · 30/11/2008 20:20

I don't get these threads.
Someone posts about something they obviously fell guilty about.
Some people tell them not to 'beat themselves up' about the issue.
Other people tell them that yes, they have good reason to feel guilty as they did a stupid thing.

OP then goes bonkers and moans about being 'judged'

In that case, DON'T FUCKING POST on a public forum.

ScottishMummy · 30/11/2008 20:27

blimey you are harsh

Janos · 30/11/2008 20:28

Moondog I'm guessing you feel pretty strongly about this.

But look OP has found a nice home for the dog and has made sure it will be loved, looked after and cared for.

What's wrong with that?

The way some folk have reacted, you'd think she was talking about dumping one of her children.

moondog · 30/11/2008 20:30

Nothing is wrong with anything bar her irritation at people passing opinions. If you don't want to know, why ask hundreds of strangers thier opinions?

LulumamaLovesLatkes · 30/11/2008 20:34

I think the OP has done the right thing by rehousing the dog with a family who are more than able to take care of it

however, from her OP, she sounded like she had taken on a pup with no real regard to its welfare and place within the home and how much work it would be.

and then gave more info that made it obvipous she had tried to get to grips with having a pup but by this point, there had been some judging, based on the info in the OP

if that info had been in the OP, i warrant initial opinoins would have been different
don;t ask if you are being unreasonable if you don;t think you are !

might have been better to say, 'having second thoughts about rehoming my pup, please give advice/ opinions about what is best for the dog and my family'

Original poster
blueheather · 30/11/2008 20:47

Some of these posts are downright disgusting.
I have made it perfectly clear my dog GETS love, affection, time, energy and I'm top of the class in the obedience lessons.
I did and DO plenty of research. She has been cared for and walked and played with. I simply CANNOT offer my children that same energy and it is this that is stressing me. I think my posts have been misread and taken as I've abandoned her or mistreated her!!!!

I am shocked at some of these posts. I have asked for help with a personal problem and been given a load of abuse (except for some)

I was GIVEN the option of leaving her and I took it.

You are all such saints aren't you!

OP posts:
Original poster
blueheather · 30/11/2008 20:48

STARBEAR - it depends on the dog. Don;t let me sway you at all. I have had to increase the level of work I do and want to keep the level of care for the children the same - they come first dog second.

OP posts:
southeastastra · 30/11/2008 20:52

i think you went wrong with the aibu topic

'pets' would probably have been more understanding

handmedownqueen · 30/11/2008 20:56

blueheather, quit now while you are ahead - MN can be a lovely supportive place but it can also be one of the most vitriolic places imaginable
IMO you have absolutely done the right thing, i have five kids and three dogs and on these short winter days find the dogs a strain to fit in along with work and everything else.We occasinally breed from one of ours and recently rehomed one of the pups with someone else - the people who took her originally just werent cut out for dog owning - and i positively encouraged them and congratulated them on taking the brave step on admitting it and letting the dog go to someone who had the time before she got any older
dont beat yourself up about it, at the end of the day we all have to prioritise and if meeting the dogs needs is right at the end of a ery long list of other things and you feel overwhelmed better and braver to say so than have a miserable dog and a guilty family. Well done

stepfordknife · 30/11/2008 20:58

Oh bugger off to all the holier than thou negative posters.

Don't stress too much - you've done the right thing by the dog. It sounds like she'll be in seventh heaven where she now is. My only concern would be for your dc's; I hope that they continue to be okay with it...

It's all very well to castigate you for not doing enough 'research' on what dog ownership is like - but that argument is a pile of crap. It's a bit like having children - you can't know what it's like until you've actually had one (and before somebody makes some facile connections - I do understand that you can't ship children off into care because they are hard work..but dogs are different!)

I must say I regret getting my two dogs - but I am in it for the long haul (children and dh adore them so I couldn't possibly rehome, and also I do feel obligated to the smelly hairy shit producing feckers having made the decision to get them)...but when they die of natural causes I won't be rushing to replace them