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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to go out and leave my kids alone?

119 replies

bamalan · 29/11/2008 22:51

I'm a single mum, and have 3 kids. My oldest is 7 and the other two are 3 and 4. There is a pub just down the road from me and my 3 are all brilliant sleepers. I've been leaving them at home once they are asleep and popping back regularly. My neighbour has had a right go at me and is threatening to tlel the cops. I can't afford a babysitter and my mum refuses to do it anymore as she works 4 evenings a week and wants the other nights to herself. I think she's being really selfish, surely I deserve a life to??

OP posts:
LittleBella · 29/11/2008 22:53

FGS

Not very original, troll

notnowbernard · 29/11/2008 22:53

Are you bored?

alleve · 29/11/2008 22:54

Don't even go there!

givethedogabone · 29/11/2008 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

2AdventSevenfoldShoes · 29/11/2008 22:55

yawn

littleboyblue · 29/11/2008 22:55

Yes, you do deserve a life too, but not at the risk of your dc's safety.
Anything can happen in the short time that you may be out of the house.
7 is far too young to be left on your own nevermind the younger 2.
Maybe your mum is being a bit unreasonable if she will never babysit, she's had her children, served her time and I'm afraid you are being selfish to expect her to look after your children on her nights off.

littleboyblue · 29/11/2008 22:56

Oh, I take it this is another wind up then, and I'm a bit stupid.

Original poster
bamalan · 29/11/2008 22:58

It is not a wind up - I am really feeling low and I was told I could talk to same kind of people on here. I am stuck in night after night and just want to know what age you are alloud to leave kids alone?

If they are all asleep then I don;t understand why it is so wrong to leave them?

OP posts:
Ivykaty44 · 29/11/2008 22:58

Well you have come to the right place we can set up a babysitting rota, then you will have an adult in the house to take care of your three children and you can go out to play all night long - mn's are always on the look out for volunteering work and this fits the bill

solidgoldbrass · 29/11/2008 23:06

7 is a bit too young (though you are not the first and won't be the last to do it, and about 80% of the time nothing bad happens. The other 20% of the time one or more kids wakes up,wonders where Mummy is and wanders into the path of a passing truck. Or sets the house on fire. Or has a febrile convulsion and swallows his/her tongue. Or the house catches fire due to a lightning strike or faulty wiring. Your call about how much risk you are prepared to take.)
If you are on a low income, try to make contact with other low-income mums/single mums and set up a babysitting club so that you can all take turns going out and minding each other's DC. Or find just one good mate who will do alternate Saturday nights with you (all kids together at one or other house, one mum out to play, other mum babysitting, pattern reversed the next week).

Original poster
bamalan · 29/11/2008 23:16

That sounds like a good idea. I might ask anothar friend. I really can;t afford babysitters, I don't have a job and don't have much left after my benefits.

OP posts:
LittleBella · 29/11/2008 23:17

bamalan if you are for real, the reason it's so wrong to leave them is because although the risk of something bad happening is extremly low, the consequences of said risk are extremely bad. So house fire is v. unlikely, but if there were one, you would have 3 dead children. More likely is child waking up being ill, sitting in vomit for 2 hours crying waiting for you to come home.

If the pub looks so attractive to you in view of those risks, then I think you need to find something to occupy yourself at home. A babysitting circle is a good idea, but I think it's pretty sad to describe going to the pub as "having a life". I haven't been to a pub since last christmas and I have a very happy and fulfilled life. You need to find something that will entertain you at home in between going out to the pub because however efficent your babysitting circle, you could still probably only manage it once a week. The other 6 days also need to be enjoyed, not jsut tolerated.

Original poster
bamalan · 29/11/2008 23:21

I wouldn;'t be gone 2 hours though. I honestly do come back every 15-20 minutes. That is the longest so I know that if one woke up I would be there but i do take your point. as you said yourself the risk is very very low of anything happenning.

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 29/11/2008 23:24

Littlebella, if a person is pretty much starved of any adult company at all, the pub down the road can seem like a total haven.

Also, when the consequences of a risk are extremely low, most people will take the risk. It's not that unreasonable to do so. (take a risk, not specifically to leave DC home alone). Most people do take risks every day, with probably less favourable odds. (Statistically, crossing the road may well be more risky than leaving children asleep in the house...)

onthewarpath · 29/11/2008 23:32

"I wouldn;'t be gone 2 hours though. I honestly do come back every 15-20 minutes."

2 words Maddy Mccann.

psychomum5 · 29/11/2008 23:36

you are bloody lucky no one has reported you and had those children taken into care.

A neighbour of mine, 6yrs ago, left her children in the house for 15mins while she popped to the shop (over the road), and then to another neighbour for a quick coffee.

the children found her matches.

and burnt the house down!

three of the children died, one survived and was taken into care.......the officers and firemen at the scene were vomitting onto the road because of the state the children were found in.....and this woman had been doing it regularly and had been reported, and yet still continued as she thought it ok to do.

the children were in some of my childrens classes at school.....it affected them all.

you are very selfish IMHO.

givethedogabone · 29/11/2008 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lizziebeth · 29/11/2008 23:40

I was also thinking Madeleine McCann.

sb6699 · 29/11/2008 23:42

If you can't afford a babysitter, do what I do and bloody stay in. Your children are your responsibility and its pretty obvious your dcs are too young to be left alone.

Invite your friends round to yours for dvds or something.

LittleBella · 29/11/2008 23:43

SGB - Agreed but in my case total isolation is preferable to the clientele of the pub down the road.

If the pub without babysitters is the only way to find adult company, then the OP needs ot find stimulating adult company from other sources.

Am not unsympathetic to the dilemma - I've been v isolated at various times as a LP - but leaving such young kids alone just to go to the pub when a neighbour has actually warned you that she's going to report you (and that means other neighbours might be thinking the same thing but not being honest enough to warn you) then you really can't complain if SS come knocking on your door. It's not as if there is no adult company at all in the evenings nowaday - we have phones, internet, face book - the opportunities to communicate with other adults, even if it's not in the flesh, are myriad.

prettybutterfly · 29/11/2008 23:44

I'm still just thinking 'wind up'.

CrushWithEyeliner · 29/11/2008 23:45

You leave your kids alone regularly? Surely your DP must be totally angry at you for doing such a thing. Do you know what could happen to them?
I just don't understand, what do you mean you want to go to the pub and leave them alone??????

OnceAPillockNowAnAngel · 29/11/2008 23:45

You're not unreasonable to want to get out. You ABVU to seriously consider leaving the children alone to do it.

psychomum5 · 29/11/2008 23:47

read this and tell me it is ok to leave your children

JodieO · 29/11/2008 23:48

If you are for real then you need to take a good hard look at yourself. I'm a single parent to 3 young children and I don't get out much but I would never dream of leaving them alone to go to the fucking pub, I mean ffs? The pub?

You say don't you deserve a life, what are your children then? Not a part of your life? Don't they deserve a life? You chose to have them so now it's your responsibility to look after them. I hope this is a wind up but if not I really hope you never leave them alone. If you do then you should feel guilty every second and pray that nothing happens to them. Sorry to be harsh but how to you think you'd feel if you got back to find one of them missing or dead? Would that be worth a few drinks? Didn't think so.