to want to go out and leave my kids alone?

[bamalan]

I'm a single mum, and have 3 kids. My oldest is 7 and the other two are 3 and 4. There is a pub just down the road from me and my 3 are all brilliant sleepers. I've been leaving them at home once they are asleep and popping back regularly. My neighbour has had a right go at me and is threatening to tlel the cops. I can't afford a babysitter and my mum refuses to do it anymore as she works 4 evenings a week and wants the other nights to herself. I think she's being really selfish, surely I deserve a life to??

i dont believe op is real.no one is that stupid.

Thanks for evryone who understands. My ex boyfriend won't have the children as he has a new partner and she hates my kids so I am with them all day and night every day. Madeleeine's mum and dad didn't get done did they? Why is it different for me? But I hear what you say and think that maybe I'll stame home and get bored looking at the four walls.

"madelaines mum and dad didn't get done did they"....

Are you for real. Their child was abducted and they have to live with the fact that they don't know if she is dead or alive..

The simple fact of it is, if they had been in the room she wouldn't have been taken.

I'd say they've been "done" wouldn't you???

Leaving your children alone is completely and totally unacceptable whatever your circumstances...
It's not about the fear of "getting done", but the fear of harm towards your children that should be your primary concern

'Madeleeine's mum and dad didn't get done did they? Why is it different for me? '

yawn.crapest trolling ever.

and your with them day and night?boo hoo.yes its good to have a break and yes we all need one.but get real they are your children.leaving them home alone is not the way to get a break.

Similar to catsmother I am not a single mother but do not go out either. When you have children unless you have a very reliable source of support (family), which I do not have arround or trusworthy babysitter there are sacrifices that are well worth doing don't you think? Or find ways to socialise during the day when it is less of a problem to have the DCs tagging along.

I totaly agree with both barnsleybelle and cheesesarnie about the "get done" bit.

Bamalan, if you are for real then words fail me.

Are you really saying that if, during one of your drinking sessions down the pub, something happened to one or all of your children, your only concern would be whether you would 'get done'? Seriously?

Have the tragic, personal experiences of several posters on this thread had no effect on you whatsoever? or is it easier just to bury your head in the sand and tell yourself it would never happen to you anyway?

Maybe you feel your life would be better without your children anyway, you could have the social life you feel you 'deserve' and spend your entire life getting wankered down the pub. If you carry on neglecting your children (because that is what this is, neglect) then this will probably happen becuase your children will either be in care or worse, dead.

well I'm a single mum and I have to sit in almost every night of my life. that's just the way it is honey. don't risk losing one of your children, or all of your children in a house fire or something, just for a few glasses of wine and a bit of chat.

you must be very depressed and lonely to even consider this.

OP whether you are for real or a troll, you are a twat. If real, a selfish and stupid one, if a troll just stupid.

I'm sure it does happen more than we think, this doesn't make it any less irresponsible or idiotic.

Surely this is a wind up??

What's wrong with a bottle of wine and inviting some friends to your place?

Regardless of the legalities of it, to want to leave your young children alone so that you can go drinking is sad beyong belief.

But, I reckon those 'troll' comments might be rather true. I hope so, for the kids sake.

I am not a single parent but like others I dont go out much, havent been a night out for a year or so, I much prefer sitting at home with friends and a bottle of wine/vodka much much cheaper and safer for everyone.

Why not go out once a month or so arrange a babysitter maybe a friend/family/or friends older DC who you would trust sure they would be happy to get an extra 10 or 20 quid in their pocket if you can afford to go out then surely you could save a fiver a week to give to babysitter?

In a way I am hoping you are trolling because nothing you say makes sense, do you have PND or something? No one should ever risk their childs life for a drink and yes you probably think oh it wont happen to me but the fact is Im sure no one thinks it will happen to them.

There is no legal age limit to leave your DC's unnattended and wrongly so but there is an age of resposability especiallyw hen there are other children involved.

A few weeks ago my mum went out at 11.30pm leaving my 14YO brother and his 16YO friend incharge of my 3YO little sisters who were fast asleep, I'd like to say he is very responsible and the next door neighbours also knew she was going out so they were there if needed. Doesn't make it right I know. But anyway at 12.45 she called a taxi and my brother to let him know she was coming home. Whilst waiting for a taxi (space of 10 minutes) she was grabbed and drugged then dragged away and seriously sexually assaulted, she never regained conciousness until 11am the next day in hospital, luckily my brother had our numbers and he called me at work at 2am to tell me she hadnt came home after phoning he also called the police to inform them, sorry for trawling on but you need to realise it is so easy to happen none of us ever think it will happen to us, we never did but it happened and thank god that my brother knew what he was doing and that was that she only went out for an hour and quite nearby about a 20 minute walk.

You dont just have to think about house fires, choking etc although that is the main thing but also about what could happen to you not only endangers you but could also affect your childrens safety/lives how would your children cope without their mum BTW?

Be careful for your children sakes and your own.

I am not convinced it is real either but I do think it is helpful to have responses to this kind of thing, mainly because people really do have these thoughts and someone searching for a question like this could benefit from our ideas - including the strong feelings to get some perspective on their feelings.

I agree that someone having these thoughts must be having a very hard time. Like some of you I can see the house easily from my pub - in fact if I sat in the pub garden it would be almost exactly the same as sitting in my front garden. But I still wouldn't do it, the fact is that, should a fire start or whatever, if you are not in the house - no matter how fast you could get there - you cannot help from outside. You would know about it sooner if you were in the house and be in a position to help your children. (referring particularly to Psychos posts)

Also, someone on another thread said that they ar still affected by the time they were left as a child (with their siblings - not sure on ages or times) and someone broke in to the house - very scary for a child

It is hell being a LP when you are home all day, have little adult contact and are (I would guess) slightly depressed. It is for this reason that things like MN are so good, you can have contact with other people, have a glass of wine and a laugh or get your teeth into something really difficult. It can give you something to think about and people to care about. It may seem a bit mad on the surface but actually I do think about how a poster is doing after they PROM'd or how another poster is going with getting their council house/degree/MIL straightened out!

Also meant to say that I dont do much but I use MN alot to 'socialize' infact sometimes I feel more comfortable on here discussing certain issues than I do in RL.

It may not be ideal but atleast everyone is safe doing it and since you have a computer and the internet its free.

YANBU to want to do it, YABU to do it, and to do it regulalry. i don;t believe if you are out drinking and socialising, you stop what you are doing every 15 minutes, go home and then go back.

if you thought this was ok, you would not be asking

find other single mums in the same position and start a baby sitting circle, or invite friends over.

your mum is not being selfish to want one night a week to herself when she is not working

you are being selfish in presuming it is her job to babysit every week

your comment about madelaine mccann's parents not 'getting done' show that really, you are more bothered about getting caught and any consequences to you, rahter than your children

For any mother to go ahead and leave their kids alone in bed while they are boozing in the pub....I dont care that you say you are starved of adult company.....must expect to be reported to the authorities, and rightly so! The oldest is 7 for god sake!

(Tried so hard not to respond to this post,think its a troll). I cannot believe any mother would contemplate doing this, because they want to talk to another adult.

If you are a troll I suggest you speak up now otherwise I am going to seriously thinking about asking MNHQ to track you down.

You don't deserve your kids and as for what you said about Mr and Dr McCann, words fail me.

Agree with thenewme.... YOu do deserve to be traced.

That comment about the McCanns was shameful

JJ, people do think things like this - people think an awful lot worse when they are desperate. The defining factor though is whether they would actually do it.
It is not quite as simple as you make it sound, when my children were little lack of adult company very nearly killed me - in-so-far as no-one was there to see how ill I was how my depression was sliding into psychotic delusions and that I was so thin (as food was "dangerous") I was very close to being hospitalised when it all finally came out (I went from 10st to under 6st in the course ofr about 2 months).

It is not simple and people do do stupid things, it is important IMO to deal with the questions that come up rather than decide that "no mother would do that"

I have reported it.

you can't afford a Babysitter but you could afford to go out....

Tbh, your Kids are to young to be left alone, and therefore YABU...

And as for your comments about your mums selfishness... take a closer look at yourself, maybe....your Kids your responsibility....she is the granny and therefore can pick and choose when she would like to see her grandchildren and for how long...you are selfish to expect your mum to look after your KIds, especially as she works 4 nights a week...she will be knackered...

If you are for real, maybe you could set up a Babysitter/Sleepover-circle with some other single mums...that way the cost of childcare would be eliminated and you would all get the chance to have time away from your Kids

TBH, I am hoping you are trolling....

Iagree with NCBirdy

if you are lonely, poor , depressed, single, no family/ friends to support you , not working, nothing to look forward to, constantly looking after 3 young children with no break, no let up in the reletnlesness of childrearing, housework and general minutiae of life... you might well, after several months, think 'fck it, I* need some time.. and justify to yourself that an hour or two down the pub whislt your children sleep is really not that bad.

but you know it is, so you post as a cry for help, advice and some way of getting out of the mess you are in

and then you blow it with a stupid comment about the McCann family

but up until that point, it is an OP worth talking about, rathr than pretending it does not happen

I think it prob. is worth talking about, which is why I did. But I also think the OP is a troll deliberately promoting the image of single parents as being irresponsible and bad mothers. The mccann not being done comment is too crass to be real.

The McCann comment is rediculous but should be ignored I reckon, at the end of the day that little girl has nothing to do with this and quite frankly there are other children who have gone missing not just that one, so OP get your facts right please, the reason they were not charged was because they were in another country if they had been here they would have been facing neglect charges.

I think dont quote me on that but Im sure that was said.

Has the OP gone anyway? Hasnt commented for a while has he/she?

Nah. Just shit stirring on a Saturday night I reckon.