Wishing I'd done Law instead of trying to help mums via the NHS

[treedelivery]

So this will be the only negativity I ever post, but GRRRRRRRRR

I crossed Law out and put Midwifery on my ucas form 10 years ago.
Now I am in a loving marriage with a wonderful man who was today made redundant after 13 years, who is a blue collar worker and therefore we are fairly knackered financially.

If only I'd gone for the career with prospects and earning potential, instead of thinking I could be nice to people and it would in some way feed my family. I've had 4 hours sleep after a night shift, been treated mainly with sarcasm and rudeness by all I've been in contact with through work [qoute - 'I've been on this phone for 23 rings trying to find out how my granddaughter is doing and it's a disgrace' - never mind that I couldn't answer the phone as was breaking my very pregnant back trying to get said granddaughter's baby to breastfeed - trying to support her in her choices] and if only I'd done law my earnings would mean we aren't trying to work out if we can save the car.

AIBU to think it isn't worth it for little thanks and rubbish working conditions and shouldn't I have chased the money and comfort and respect and lifestyle.

Am feeling like I need to duck - I know there are many worse off, I know many midwives/maternity services have really pissed off a lot of people on mumsnet and rightly so in many cases, but today I think I will allow myself an hour of letting the bile out.

SilentTerror. I know exactly what thread you were on about. The one where the lawyer said she could be a nurse but a nurse could not be a lawyer. I have lost count of the number of people I know with nursing degrees who became lawyers.

I also responded to the person on that other thread who said that she knows what nursing is because she worked as a care assistant in a nursing home once by posting on this thread a bit. The other thread was full so I couldn't let her have it on there.

Thumbwhich - think you hit the nail on the head!!

Lovely thing to say Rolf and feeling generally loved up. Still think I'd have been a wiser woman to chase the money though it is generally amazing to have this role in life. 'Aint going to pay the mortgage though......

Must try be more positive

It's frustrating to be underestimated.

Like when people say 'Oooo a midwife, all those lovely babies and such alovely job'

I'm surrounded by technology and need analytical skills of some sort of phorensic [sp?] scientist, trying to read and interpret people's bodies and occasionally their minds. And that's before understanding CTG's and applying the management they indicate in the best way - bearing in mind it's usually completeley opposite to what the poor woman in the bed wants. Add to the technology the physical and motor skills of being able to judge dilatation, decent position and lie based on touch and feel alone, on vaginal examination, whilst keeping notes contemparaniously - that are stored for 25 years, that I need to be able to stand in front of a judge and explain my every move and action etc etc etc

I sometimes wonder how it was all squashed into the 4 year degree I did at Newcastle Med School! I'd say a good 25% of my work mates have or have in progress a masters

the job is actuallly mostly documentation and then giving care to women. Babies actually figure less than people imagine.

do you know the main reason I decided against midwifery (this time) was not the job prospects...although those don't help, nor the pay....but the responsibility...
was a nurse...but you don't have near as many responsibilities as a midwive has (not an easy job neither...but responsibility wise...not a comaprison, in most areas anyway...) and now I am training to be an OT, because, again, you don't have those life and death responsibilities....yes, decisions will be there to be made...but on a different level....not necessarily less important to that person...but usually not the life and death situation you have to make that decision in...

New to the thread

You asked "AIBU to think it isn't worth it for little thanks and rubbish working conditions and shouldn't I have chased the money and comfort and respect and lifestyle."

You wouldn't be you if you'd done that. Go with your heart - you try to do some good and that's great.

Can I just add that when people do experience the more crap end of midwifery it seems quite normal to assume there are management problems somewhere along the line and it isn't entirely the midwife's fault for whatever has happened. For example, if people can't get through on the phone they assume there aren't enough midwives, it's as simple as that. Not that the midwives are sitting there scoffing chocolates with their feet up by an unanswered phone while mothers labour alone.

We know how busy everyone is in the NHS and all that, and we don't blame the employees for every last thing. We're also very pleased and grateful to be alive, frankly.

The only complaint I have ever made to the NHS was when a very seriously mentally disturbed patient, in hospital with an unrelated medical condition, was left unsupervised and allowed to rampage through a children's cancer ward in the middle of the night TWICE, attacking a pregnant nurse in the process. That I did make a big fuss about. That simply was not on.

treedelivery - have you ever considered going independent? While you still can? (I know I know - might not be for much longer..... boo hoo) It might make you love your job again, once you have a chance to develop more of a relationship with the families you care for.

I applied to do a DIPHE in midwifery 4 years ago and was offered a place - couldn't take it up as I found out I was pregnant the week after. Now I can't do it as they've abolished the DIPHE and I can't afford to do another degree without a non-means tested bursary (I've already got a first degree, a PCCE and a DIPHE in another subject - I'm all 'student loaned' out). I've now come to terms with the idea that I will never be a midwife. I've recently trained as a doula and have done my first few births. I've watched the midwives and think, I couldn't do what they do - the way they are always having to balance the demands of the institution with the needs of the women and babies they are looking after in a system which is driven primarily by fear. I know you have a lot of satisfaction in your work in some ways, but christ - the frustration....... I was recently told by someone who attended Radical Midwive's conference that there was a talk on midwives having to 'do good by stealth'. I mean seriously - how have we arrived at a situation in maternity care where midwives feel they have to work in that way? It's shite.

So no YANBU. And you have my sympathy. And good wishes!

Oh. If I had a penny...

Retrain - OU do loads of courses.
Remember - not many professions can actually boast 'we save lives'.

I like midwifery today. The woman I looked after yesterday (and the day before!) gave me a kiss and a hug at the end of my shift, and said she couldn't thank me and the rest of the staff enough. This, even though she'd ended up with a frankly pretty horrible experience, a million miles away from what she'd hoped for when she first stepped through the doors. And my manager came up to me at the start of my shift and said 'I've heard you're the best midwife ever to walk to earth' because she'd received a letter from the couple I'd looked after on Friday praising me and suggesting I get a Christmas bonus

So there's my little boast over It's good to be reminded there are nice bits, and I'm so chuffed. But that Christmas bonus would really, really help!

I understand how you feel but if you had done law instead you may not have enjoyed that either. Although the money is good, it is very stressful and family members of mine have left it after having children because of the stress (one relative of mine wanted to do teaching instead!)

and would you have met your husband if you were a lawyer?

Now that didn't sound right did it?

Yes, remember Bridget Jones at that awful lawyers' dinner??? It must be like watching academics trying to dance for sheer dreadfulness.

TreeDelivery, just wanted to say that I'm a m/w too and feel the same way most of the time. Am going in for a late today and dreading it. Have been moved to labour ward and am not enjoying it. My unit is bitchy and it seems everyone is waiting for me to fuck up so they can point the finger. I hate the way how other m/ws seem to think they can criticise other mw/s decisions.

Mws are brilliant at undermining each other. Absolutely brilliant at it - we can really be our own worst enemies sometimes. Most of my colleagues are lovely - the unit is generally pretty supportive - but there are the odd one or two who are utterly 'heartsink', iykwim... It's the co-ordinators/management who make or break a shift, no matter who you've got to look after. We have one who seems to revel in snide, patronising remarks - 'Why on earth are you asking me this?' etc etc - why do they do? What do they get out of it?

I thought about being a midwife but decided I wouldn't be able to hack the shifts and the stress - I think anyone that can is amazing!

My midwives with dd were great, although I admit I probably didn't thank them properly!

Snaf - I've been told that bullying is more of an issue in midwifery than in any other health related profession. Midwives bullying midwives; obstetricians bullying midwives, midwives bullying junior doctors.......

Wonder if anyone out there is doing a doctorate on the multifaceted and poisonous professional relationship dynamics in maternity services? It'd make fascinating reading.....

It is pretty common. There are entire books written on bullying in midwifery (I found this out when applying to train - made me think twice!)

The theory is that midwives are an 'oppressed minority' within hospital settings (i.e. not trained to submit to the medical model but working within a hospital where they have to keep to policies etc) and deal with this frustration by turning to 'horizontal violence' against each other. There is an interesting article called (I think) Why Do Midwives Eat Their Young? that I read a while ago. It is definitely an issue for some, ime/o.

Having said that, some of my best friends are midwives...

This actually overlaps with my research area. Hmmm ... but surely it can't be worse than bullying amongst teachers?

"It must be like watching academics trying to dance for sheer dreadfulness". That's how I met my husband. A good looking, sane oasis in the midst of a whole conference of dancing academics...

BoffinMum - the bulying is just awful, as it's dangerous!! Have seen many many midwives literally too scared to come out of a delivery room to ask for advice on management, that's dangerous.

The extent of the old bag/witches coven/sergent major mentality is utterly incredible.

Bloody hell, why on earth would they be so horrible to each other? Life's too short!!

Some researchy questions: is this situation endemic across all age groups in midwifery, or is it just the older contingent? (In teaching it tends to be the over-45s)

Is this making midwives too knackered with stress to do their jobs properly in some cases?

Habbibu, I am left with chilling thoughts of the drunken intergenerational conga at the 2004 British Educational Research Association Conference in Manchester, to the dulcet tones of the Abba tribute band.

The line up? Ageing professor - young blonde researcher - ageing professor - young blonde researcher - etc etc. Need I go on??

Ooooo - yes to q.2 although maybe not so much knackered [midwives tend to be quite resilient physically] but burnt out. Lot sdon't sleep well before shifts for example. I've always felt that on a big bad delivery suite for example, it's important to show no fear.
Q2 - dunno. Maybe, but then co ordinator and sister level will often be older just by definition of the experience required to get to that level. Remember there are less 'sister' roles than people imagine so infact they don't come around that much.

I've watched younger midwives change once in the band 7 role. I think it's a coping mechanism to deal with the nightmare that is controlling and taking responsibility for a unit and a delivery suite board of beds, admissions and transfers.

Tha ability of the unit to go to theatre safetly, often run 2 theatres, manage an emergency, take labour admissions, transfer patients to neonatal cots elsewhere, manage whatever 'walks' in and perform this safetly falls on them alone - the obstetric staff have historically not got involved with that side of things. Although the decision to close does often involve the consultant - as midwifery is a actually an independant profession working along side obstetrics, the unit is actually managed by midwifery staff and it is the lead midwife answerable.

I remember the co ordinator of one shift was suspended pending investigation as an eclamptic fit on the ward was badly managed due to staffing. Poor co ordinator wa actually in theatre with a section as there was no one else to go and had no involvement - but her name on board=her call.
Maybe the pressure makes people react a certain way. Maybe you have to be a bit hardcore to even want to go there! Often some of the worst hardest meanest ones are the ones you would want if your own personal s**t hit the labour fan as how they can perform in an emergency is spine tinglingly goood, efficient, calm, directive and focoused. At those times even those who are panicking inside, the dr's other midwives, families and staff just do as that one in charge tells them cos who would dare argue?

Hope that makes sense. What ya think other midwives? Some of you must be band 7's too?