To feel a bit sad for children in nurseries 8-6 every day?

[SlightlySad]

It struck me yesterday as I took DS2 to the aquarium then for a walk along the seafront that he was very lucky to be doing this. He'd had a few hours chilling out in the morning, taken his big brother to school, had a fun trip out, then back home for a nap.

If he had been in nursery since 12 weeks, then he wouldn't be doing half the things that he does - mother and toddlers, soft play, baby classes, singing classes, trips to the park, pre-school sessions... I know that some nurseries do these things, but it's not every day, and these are the better nurseries. Some children must spend most of their week in one room. I think this would drive DS2 mad.

I'm very lucky in not working, but this isn't a SAHM vs WOHM issue. I just think if I had to go out to work, that I would choose a childminder to care for my children rather than sending them to a nursery.

If you chose a nursery, does yours do lots of extra stuff? Do the children leave the nursery building/garden often? Why did you go with a nursery and not a CM?

But the researches in 50 yrs time will have the same flaws as today. There are too many "ingredients" to what a person is that attendance to nursery alone just can't explain.

(sorry bad english alert, I'm a bit drunk...)

Kew: 'the pretentiousness with which we as a affluent country take some of the studies on attachment and bonding and development in these places and start using it as an argument for/against nurseries/controlled crying/working/fruit shoots is laughable.'

That is great. Totally agree.

Bubble, I agree. I can't help feeling that this thread would be obnoxious normally but is particularly ill-timed at the moment

Exactly, Kew - in a good nursery where children have stable key-workers, there probably would be minimal problems for them with bonding and attachment. However, there are nurseries where the staff are bored, minimally qualified, and don't really care. A lot of staff like this trained with me on my nursery nurse course. For me, personally, I wouldn't want to miss too much of those formative months if I could possibly avoid it.

Bubble, sadly this is the case, and I have also worked with children like this. That's why I don't think people can generalise about this subject.

Nurseries are institutions. Of course they are. But I don't get why that is necessarily a bad thing.

Good nurseries are places where the whole day is geared around making sure that children of all ages have fun, rest, good food and lots of activities inside and out. In that respect we are the perfect setting for children.

People ofyen choose CMs as they want a more home-like setting. That involves the same routines that a SAHM with other children would have. School runs, child has to fit in with a single carer's other workload etc.

Both have benefits and disadvantages.

Yeah must be really nice to not have to work and have the money to do all those classes and trips out to aquariums etc etc every day.

I do hope the credit crunch won't effect your life and your Ds won't have to ever face life trapped in a small room, day in an day out.

No amount of research would ever convince me that my child isn't better off with me!

'No amount of research would ever convince me that my child isn't better off with me! '

I agree, my ds is always better off when he is with me, but circumstances dont always allow for it to be that way!

Lots of women don't have a lot of choice because they do have to work. It sucks.

no amount of quasi-research would ever convince me nursery is a bad thing

It doesnt suck, my life doesnt suck because i have to go to work and my son goes to nursery. we are very happy

Rebel. Of course home and parents (provided both are loving and safe) are best.

No one would dispute that.... Except the banks wanting mortgage repayments for a 'can't you just give up work and downsize?' £350K shoebox in this part of the UK.

My (very personal and probably few would agree with me) problem with nurseries/schools etc is the fact that there is always an underlying curriculum/targets/etc. Particularly with school, there is less space for interest led learning, very little autonomy, a need to cater to the herd rather than individuals, etc. My dh is a teacher so I do have experience to base this opinion on.

I do think nurseries have benefits though, especially for those children like you mentioned, Bubble, who maybe don't get a lot of attention or care at home.

And fwiw, I don't use a nursery over a CM. I am a wohm for 3 days a week and use a mixture of family and a CM for the 3 days for the 14 month old and a mixture of family, CM and a Montessori nursery for the 3 yr old and the other is at school. Just didn't want you to think I was all about being defensive.

Agree Bubble. Nurseries are institutions. They are different from home based care. That's about it.

Institutions can be great for children. My extroverted children just took in the buzz and excitement, were there enough hours in the week to make true friends and 'rule the roost' almost. It does not replace the care I provide at home. I never intended it to, deliberately choosing nursery as my first choice over a nanny and cm.

Like Calm said in an earlier post, nursery is just one aspect of a rich tapestry of experiences my dcs enjoy. It adds to their life, not takes away. I am glad to be able to give them the opportunity whilst have a fulfilling work life for myself - which in this credit crunch is a great strategy in hindsight, because I have built up significant savings and equity in my house to ride out any storm and give my dcs a stable life.

My ds has double benefits, he has the benefit of going to nursery, where they have to comform to standards of learning and stimulation, he gets to interact with other children and paly and learn. then he comes home to me, who wants to make up for the time i spend away from him by making sure every moment is filled with joy and happiness and doing nice things together, if i were a sahm i would not do a lot of the things we do now, i would be more far more lax with my time.

Absolutely VT.

"Presumably some of this will become clearer once the nursery generation have grown up. It will be interesting to see how this kind of nursery-ing is viewed in 50 years' time."

Well, I am part of the first "nursery generation" in Scandinavia. I am 35 years old, so there has been quite a few "nursery-children" growing up since....Britain isn't exactly pioneering in childcare you know.....Far from it!

Teeny: 'My (very personal and probably few would agree with me) problem with nurseries/schools etc is the fact that there is always an underlying curriculum/targets/etc. Particularly with school, there is less space for interest led learning, very little autonomy, a need to cater to the herd rather than individuals, etc'

I am not sure if i follow. Yes, i am vaguely aware of some EYFS (or whatever it is called). I believe CMs have to follow this as well? How that translates into what you say is slightly mystifying. When I ask ds 2 what he did at nursery today, he says 'beep beep', 'garden', 'slide', 'drawing', 'sticking'. Good enough for me.

Well I have a different experience. I would love to be at home with my child in the early years, I have tons of friends in similar positions, who'd also prefer to be at home. My dd has a fabulous nursery too but I still like her to be at home with me until at least 3. She has suffered massively with health problems that wouldn't have arisen if she had been at home.

Hi, fairymum, I was just thinking of you - the poster girl of nursery child. My current Swedish aupair also cannot understand the British reservations about nursery care.

Oh for goodness sake. I am so cross with the OP. Usually I do not justify these things with a response, but - grrrrrrrr.

Vinegartits - here's a suggestion. Do what works for you and your family. Minimise guilt. Maximise fun. Get on with life. Do not feel smug. Realise that we are all lucky in different ways. Stop reading infuriating posts on mumsnet.

Underlying curriculum/target. Eh....yes well.......as a other I also have underlying targets....sort of. Presumably you teach your child colours, a few numbers, to recognise animals......Well, this is what they do in nurseries too. Is this the sort of curriculum which bothers you? I don't understand.

is the rub not that we should do whatever our needs are.some will likey some will not.

as a mother....LOL