Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To think BIL is insensitive for proposing to SIL at my wedding?

132 replies

RagingHormone · 10/11/2008 17:02

Obviously they're not actually in laws yet, but I'll call them BIL and SIL for the sake of this story.

Anyway, SIL is going to be my bridesmaid and she informs me that BIL was planning to propose to her at my wedding! She said she'd told him not to as it would be mean and I agreed and said if she steals my thunder I'll beat her with my bouquet! He's always doing things like this and he called another family member fat to her face and really upset her, she's only 17!

Grrrr.

OP posts:

eemie · 10/11/2008 18:38

My cousin and wife had quietly got married at a registry office a couple of weeks before our big family-reunion type wedding.

They hid their rings on chains round their necks and told no-one till after we'd gone on honeymoon. They didn't want to 'steal our thunder' though actually we wouldn't have minded one bit (and I guessed she was pregnant from her smile). I admired their style though, and thought it was considerate of them.

We came back from honeymoon to a lovely letter and an invitation to a celebratory lunch with them.

Turniphead1 · 10/11/2008 18:40

My friends got engaged the next morning after being at our wedding (they were having a weekend away to attend). I thought that was lovely and romantic and inspired by our fabulous day etc.

Had they however got engaged the night of the wedding and stood up to tell everyone I would have been massively p*ssed off.

As it was, I remember my BMs and I having a very drunken conversation about inviting Robbie Williams to the wedding, by just telling him what great crack it would be - an all-nighter in a beautiful Irish castle etc and thinking, yeah he would definately come. But then we all came to the desicion that we wouldn't invite him after all, as it would steal my thunder and be the focus of the wedding....

Dear God.

NorthernLurker · 10/11/2008 18:41

I'm going against the grain on this one too and would say that YABU and that I think the whole 'it's the bride's day' to be a big pile of nonsense. It's the marriage that's important not the wedding. It's the marriage that will get you through the next fifty years not the wedding and if your guests have happy reasons to remember your wedding aside from seeing you launch on a life long commitment then frankly you should only be pleased for them.

smurfgirl · 10/11/2008 18:42

Hmmm.

I think it would have been romantic for someone to be proposed to at our wedding, but done quietly and then announced afterwards.

Our wedding was beautiful and amazing and perfect but not at all just about me and DH. I love all the bits from our family and friends during the day. My fave bit (after the romantic stuff) is my bridesmaid whilst incredibly drunk pulling my other bridesmaids ex (with her permission!) and then sitting down with DH's very straight laced parents telling them what a slut she was. Fab fab fab.

I would have loved someone to get engaged at our wedding actually, it was such a fun lovely day and a fab day and venue for great things to happen on. I only got married a month ago so I am gushing.

Annthecat · 10/11/2008 18:46

I just asked my Dh, he said he would have been a bit pissed off if someone made a big engagemnet announcement ar our wedding. So it's not just women.

I do think it would depend alot on how it was done though. A quiet spreading of the news at the end of the evening could just add to the 'feel the love' atmosphere, but a big scene and speech involving toasts etc would seem to be detracting rather from the central point of the day.

Did lol though at 'they had sex on our wedding night!' comment. Bastards.

and people having babies on your wedding day??? the self absorbed cow, couldn't she have at least kept quiet about the new baby?? After al all today is all about ME ME ME.

Oh sorry, I mean ,us.

Tortington · 10/11/2008 18:47

yeah good for you Op, bash her with the bouquet

its your day

you are in the spotlight

and you prolly paid a shitload to be there

ring bil immediatley and tell him hes a cock

Sparkletastic · 10/11/2008 18:48

It wasn't the fact that someone had sex - it was more that she ended up staying with us (uninvited but too drunk to make it back to ILs) and had LOUD sex on the other side of our paper thin bedroom wall whilst we tried to ignore her and consummate our marriage... We were too poor to have our wedding night in a hotel but oh how we wish we'd reconsidered that sensible financial decision.

elmoandella · 10/11/2008 18:53

if the wedding is about the bride and groom and the day is about them being centre of attention....... why bother inviting anyone!!

if you kick up a fuss about it then your going to create an issue wherby people are gonna label you in the bridezilla category.

i'd keep quiet. if they do go ahead then half of the people will think it's romantic and the other half will think them prats. but at least that way you will not be labeled difficult and fall out before wedding.

and tell photographer/videographer not to video it if you want to forget it ever happened.

LittleWhizzingBella · 10/11/2008 18:57

pmsl sparkletastic

sorry but it is worthy of sitcomland. Bride and groom try respectable consummation of marriage while sexually incontinent guests next door get rocks off loudly.

honestly, you couldn't make it up.

Tell me you larf about it now. You must do, it is so funny. At least in hindsight, even if it was a bit disconcerting on the night. It is a truly great wedding story!

edam · 10/11/2008 19:00

Who said the OP was planning to kick up a fuss? Politely requesting that your BIL doesn't make a contrived scene at your wedding is not being a Bridezilla.

Upwind · 10/11/2008 19:00

A genuine, getting caught up in the excitement and romance proposal at a family wedding would be rather lovely but that is not what the OP is talking about - she is talking about a staged proposal at her wedding celebration.

It reminds me that rather late into our wedding celebrations (about 4am when all still involved were rather the worse for wear) DH's best friend told us that he and his girlfriend were planning to get married the following summer. They had not really told anyone else at that point and we were utterly delighted for them But they did not feel the need to announce it or make any kind of dramatic scene.

llareggub · 10/11/2008 19:01

It has been a while since DH and I got married, but it really wouldn't have bothered me if a close family member or friend announced a life event like a baby or engagement. Isn't it just the perfect time to do it? With family and friends around? It doesn't happen often, these days, does it?

Having said that, I think it is a bit weird there is going to be a fake proposal at your wedding. Surely he must have already proposed for SIL to know all about it? I don't really understand that part of it. Surely a proposal should be a surprise? Will she need to perfect a look of shocked, but happy surprise when it finally happens?

Original poster

RagingHormone · 10/11/2008 19:02

Elmo- very important point, they must not be photographed at all. Oh I'm so excited about it. The bit I'm most excited about is waking up the next day married! A Mrs! And getting a joint mortgage. I so can't wait!!!

Custardo-I'm still laughing at your post ages after reading it .

MIL is also wearing a white dress to my wedding. That makes me so happy that she's sharing our beautiful expensive day [grit teeth emoticon] . Nah I love them really, it's just that there's certain rules about weddings as most seem to agree!

If they do any of the tasteful things mentioned like getting engaged on any other day in the future other than our wedding day, I will be very pleased for them and I'll be lovely about it obviously. I'd just like one day to DP and I. We generally get ignored anyway.

eemie- that is very classy and respectful.

OP posts:

LittleWhizzingBella · 10/11/2008 19:04

Yeah staged proposal anywhere is horribly naff, let alone at someone's wedding.

I once knew someone who proposed to his GF in front of all their friends at this big do. She kind of felt she had to say yes so as not to humiliate him.

Broke it off a month later, mind.

Upwind · 10/11/2008 19:04

"if the wedding is about the bride and groom and the day is about them being centre of attention....... why bother inviting anyone!!"

To share the celebrations with them? To make their vows and declarations on front of the people they care about? Most guests don't need the day to be all about them

elmoandella · 10/11/2008 19:07

i'm sorry but no matter what she says is going to come accross badly.

her bil obviously doesn't see a problem.or he wouldn't do it in first place. so he wont understand what the problem is with him making the proposal. hence, there will be a fall out.

your obviously close the sil as she's bridesmaid. but i doubt she'll return the favour and ask you to be hers.

sil has obiously instructed bil to get down on one knee at your wedding. prince charming style and old fashionned (all be it fake and planned) . cant ay she'll be best pleased at being told she'll have o wait for another opportunity for bil to get a manky knee.

no matter what op says. this will end in ill feeling.

Original poster

RagingHormone · 10/11/2008 19:08

I know I'll be drunk by the time he does it and I know I'll be like 'is this a joke?' and that will cause ill feeling in itself. As will the bouquet beating and the wine throwing.

OP posts:

Pennies · 10/11/2008 19:09

YANBU - I kept schtum about being pregnant at my bro's wedding.

Upwind · 10/11/2008 19:09

elmoandella - I don't see the problem? The SIL has already checked with the OP, who has jokingly made it clear that she would not appreciate them doing this. It probably won't happen.

Very insensitive of BIL, and it would have been a rather crass gesture

Original poster

RagingHormone · 10/11/2008 19:13

He is quite a knob though Upwind. I honestly think he'll do it cringe

OP posts:

MsHighwater · 10/11/2008 19:13

I am also puzzled by the "planning to get engaged" thing. An acquaintance of mine travelled to New York with her boyfriend and, during the trip, he proposed to her. Fair enough. Then I learned that the purpose of the trip was to buy a ring at Tiffany's!

combustiblelemon · 10/11/2008 19:15

Romantic??? Pathetic. Planning to propose to a 17 year old- and telling her in advance- at his/her brother's/sister's wedding is just tragically attention seeking crap.

Upwind · 10/11/2008 19:15

Is he your H2B's brother? If so, perhaps he should have a word...

Original poster

RagingHormone · 10/11/2008 19:18

Combust- She's not 17, she's 24. The person he said was fat is 17. Sorry, that was clear. I was just trying to get across that he's really getting on my tit ends at the moment.

No, she's H2B's sister, and he's her boyfriend IYSWIM.

OP posts:

Original poster

RagingHormone · 10/11/2008 19:18

*unclear. I meant unclear.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6