To think BIL is insensitive for proposing to SIL at my wedding?

[RagingHormone]

Obviously they're not actually in laws yet, but I'll call them BIL and SIL for the sake of this story.

Anyway, SIL is going to be my bridesmaid and she informs me that BIL was planning to propose to her at my wedding! She said she'd told him not to as it would be mean and I agreed and said if she steals my thunder I'll beat her with my bouquet! He's always doing things like this and he called another family member fat to her face and really upset her, she's only 17!

Grrrr.

Take him to one side and tell him in no uncertain terms that if he does you will ram the top tier of your wedding cake down his throat never talk to him again

Sounds a bit odd to me. Supposing she says no? I'd hate that sort of thing being done to me (not the proposal from a loved one per se, the public proposal at someone else's wedding). Nightmare.

A bit like that scene in Friends, where Ross and Rachel makes out on the night that Monica and Chandler gets engaged.
Brave (or utterly stupid) people trying to steal a bride's thunder is all I can say.

catweazle, why weren't you happy about your SILs baby being mentioned in a speech?

Wedding speeches are full of references to much loved family members, aren't they?

I just think any attempt to control a bride's 'thunder' are going to end in tears. Have fun, let everybody else have fun, and take it as a compliment if your lovely wedding inspires romance and love in others. Isn't that what weddings are for, ie bringing two families/ bunches of friends together?

More- it is like that isn't it.

Will I ever be able to speak to them again if it goes ahead? Umm... no.

They'll look like a pair of silly little kids IMO. In your position, I'd just ignore it, even if it happens, most guests would be a bit and it wouldn't detract from your day.

pmsl catweazle, do you think she should have kept her legs crossed so as not to upstage you?

There are two sides to all this . . . when Everest was finally climbed the news was delayed for a day or two so it could be announced on the day of the Queen's coronation, an extra bit of good news to make people happy. You have all got me wondering now if the Queen was seriously pissed off that the day wasn't all about her.

I though the birth announcement sounded nice too morris.

Proposal could wait though.

Adds further grist to the mill of my cynicism really. Nobody even pretends any more that weddings are about vows between two people who love each other. They have become a day of adulation and attention for a woman. The groom is a bit part really isn't he.

Agree birth announcement is totally different. Lovely thing that happens when it happens and should be announced as and when. Getting engaged at someone else's event is just trying to upstage ... they can do it the next day fgs

think birth announcement is fine.

But a proposal, especially a proposal which has been discussed between the two people getting engaged is clearly designed to make the day all about them. and let's face it a proposal where the bride-to-be knows she's going to be proposed to is really just fake isn't it?

Good God, poor Queen. Queen, if you're on MN, come and join in, have a good old moan about those mountain climbing bastards.

Who says the groom is a bit part? We are talking about concentrating on the vows between one man and one woman and NOT having Uncle Tom Cobbleigh and all trying to join in.

Actually, dh's little niece did join in with our vows, announcing her names after we said ours and inviting everyone back to her house for tea, bless her cotton socks. You can get away with it when you are three but NOT when you are an adult!

Hoping my wedding's going to be all about Dp, me and our little DS. It's a bit of a family thing really rather than just the two of us lol.

its just like 'this life' when egg proposed to millie at Miles' wedding - and totally unreasonable to do, so yanu at all

i'm going against the grain here.

i think your yabu. i think it'll be sweet. and giving both you and them something to remember the day by.

i dont see why your letting it bother you? i know your obviously very precious about your wedding day.

but really what harm will it do anyone (unless he plans to do it at the alter)

just have a word in his shell, ask him to do it after all the formal speeches. at a seperate time. or ask him if he wants to do it. then do it in a private manner. not with a microphone??

if you carry on like this then your going to ruin the day for everyone by starting an arguement and causing ill feeling between you and them. and afterall. she is your bridesmaid. so a major part of the arrangement.

yanbu not to want your big day highjacked but am with chequers, solidgold etc on the telling you when to propose - its baffling that one of the big decisions of your life is decided on the whim of your partner or used as some kind of dog treat (good analogy solidgold). and don't even get me started on "did he ask your father for your hand".. I AM NOT A CHATTEL

Saw the title and thought if it were a private, spontaneous moment that just happened to be inspired by and at the wedding, that would be fair enough After reading the OP and rest of thread (tends to help ) though, I think otherwise, YANBU.

Got no idea why the announcement of a DC should be such a problem though.

I'd love the announcement of a baby at my wedding. Preferably me being pregnant again (well that's the plan but things never go to plan do they). But I'm baby mad.

I know someone who did this, actually the woman was bridesmaid at her best friend's wedding and her boyfriend proposed there. The bride didn't seem to mind.
The stupid thing though is they never got married in the end, he cheated on her and they broke up!

The groom is a bit part. This thread is all about the brides' thunder. I'm willing to stake my inheritance on there not being one man alive in this country who could give a good goddamn about somebody proposing at his wedding!

I agree with elmo, weddings are meant to make people feel romantic, and to focus everybody there on the idea of love and family in general. That's what they say in the church anyway. I guess it's really all about making one overgrown spoiled three year old lucky woman the centre of the universe for the day.

Each to their own but threads like this make my cynical in general about who and what weddings are actually for.

I also find this really weird - when DH and I went shopping for an engagement ring, various jewellers asked when we were planning to get engaged? We were really puzzled since it seemed obvious to us that we already were!

It is bad form on your BIL's part, but probably just from thoughtlessness and it seems unlikely to happen now. Have a lovely day.

Morris- totally unfair to question the love and commitment between my DP and I. And you wouldn't if you knew us.

Oh my hyphens didn't work!! Booo.

No disrespect to the OP of course. I don't mean you're spoiled. I just think that weddings should be for everybody who is there, and if you don't like that idea then you could keep it small and private.

"I agree with elmo, weddings are meant to make people feel romantic, and to focus everybody there on the idea of love and family in general. That's what they say in the church anyway. I guess it's really all about making one overgrown spoiled three year old lucky woman the centre of the universe for the day."

Nonsense. A wedding is a party, celebrating the union of the bride and groom. Not abstract notions of love and family in general. It is the biggest party the bride and groom will every have and it is the one time in their lives that they can reasonably expect to be the centre of attention. It is only manners to respect that.

Planning to get engaged at someone else's wedding is just rude.