To think BIL is insensitive for proposing to SIL at my wedding?

[RagingHormone]

Obviously they're not actually in laws yet, but I'll call them BIL and SIL for the sake of this story.

Anyway, SIL is going to be my bridesmaid and she informs me that BIL was planning to propose to her at my wedding! She said she'd told him not to as it would be mean and I agreed and said if she steals my thunder I'll beat her with my bouquet! He's always doing things like this and he called another family member fat to her face and really upset her, she's only 17!

Grrrr.

Upwind - I got engaged abroad but it baffled me when the jewellery shop put the ring in a box/bag before giving it to me. I wanted to wear it out of the shop! Ex-bf had already proposed to me so we were 'engaged' when I accepted him. I didn't need a future date to be engaged on.

I do remember my Mum kicking off when my sister got engaged as she insisted on wearing the ring before a formal 'announcement' at a party (which never occurred btw). I think some older people used to have an engagement party and didn't wear the ring until that date. It seems so archaic now.

"and giving both you and them something to remember the day by."

And the wedding itself isn't enough?

"Damn, you know, I'm sure something happened on XX/XX/XX, but do you think I can remember what it was?"

AGree Upwind
IMO once you've agreed to get married you are engaged - so you can't plan to get engaged
The flip side of that is people who get engaged but don't actually plan on marrying (I don't mean people who haven't finalised the date, I mean people who haven't even thought about it!)

I'm fairly confident my dh would have been annoyed if someone else had got engaged at our wedding. When bil/sil got engaged at the anniversary party he agreed with me that it was just wrong.

Yes, getting engaged at someone else's wedding (especially when this contrived) is just wrong!

Lol tink I thought that

I'm not religious myself but in every religious wedding I've attended there has been much reference to two families coming together, love in all it's many forms, people thinking of their own vows etc.

Couldn't it be seen as a tribute to the bride and groom if people get emotional at their wedding? I always get a bit lovey dovey with my DP at weddings, and it's lovely to see all the older family members dancing like newlyweds etc at the first dance.

Of course the B and G are the centre of attention anyway - they're the reason everybody has taken a day off, bought a new outfit and is willing to pay £4 a pint of beer all day

I usally find the big dress a bit of a giveaway.

Now engagement parties really confuse me, surely the wedding is the big party?

One was not amused

but if someone else then stood up and made a public proposal then the focus would switch from the bride and groom to the newly engaged couple. That certainly happened when bil/sil got engaged - we all went out into the quiet bar and left the partying anniversary couple (dh's aunt and uncle) behind while we all drank champagne to the happy newly engaged couple (and for fil to obliterate the memory I think )

lol lizzy
go on
do you wipe your own bum?

and let's face it, once you're married o you remember what date you got engaged on? i don't.

i end up going to a couple of weddings a year. so tbh i dont always remember every one. i only remember the ones where there's been a really fantastic speech, great quirk like fireworks. or some other thing that sticks in my mind.

and the wedding i go to are nearly all religious. and it is definately about bringing 2 families together through a couples love and commitment is the general gist that goes hand in hand with rest of the vows.

Why don't you turn it round - 'wouldn't you prefer to have an engagement party and have that as your special day - you don't want to feel as though no one's given you much attention on such a special day because its on My wedding day. Why don't you have a special party - either a couple of weeks before or afterwards (so that we can come after our honeymoon) and it will be your own special day which will be more special for you'

A friend told me that she had chlamydia at my wedding. I went to the loo and she followed me in to tell me. I was sympathetic but distracted.....

Would suggest a copy of this thread to SIL, with the suggestions to have a word, with BIL(to be?) as it is really not the "done thing",

Would also suggest that so to be BIL is not very inspired if he can't think of a better place than your wedding, god he won't even have to buy SIL a meal !!!!

another friend's sil came up to her at her wedding and told her that she and her dh (the groom's brother) were going to be getting divorced. that was 8 years ago and afaik they're still married.

You can't 'plan to get engaged'. The proposal with the ring doesn't make you engaged, deciding to get married makes you engaged, and the one-knee-ring thing is just one way that can happen. I would hate to know that a proposal was being planned, and also hate for anyone else to know about it before I did (so no asking future FIL for permission thanks very much).

That said, if something like that did happen at a wedding I'd think, how lovely, the romanticness of the day has inspired the proposal, and think that the couple should feel pleased.

But planned? No.

My SIL got really drunk at our wedding and kept crying about being single. Then she bought one of the guests back to ours and shagged him in our spare room on OUR wedding night. . Of course we laugh about it now (not).

Very insensitive.

SIL had really bad morning sickness at our wedding, and she thought she was sick enough to not be able to show.

In the end she did, but kept "mum" about it as she didn't want to ruin any one else's big day.

Your SIL and BIL should do the same, their time will come.

We do plan on getting married, but as he's still married we're waiting to actually come out officially. I have a ring that's our temporary one and when he's divorced we will have a party, a proper ring and make it all official. Right now it doesn't feel like it's about us because she's there making our life difficult. But we probably won't be doing the one knee thing!

I think its completely unacceptable. Its your day.

oh vom

I agree with morriszapp, how sad to refer to a bride's thunder.

Planning to "get engaged" (what a naff thing to do - if you intend to marry someone you're engaged - obviously if they intend to marry you as well - you can't just say you're going to marry George Cloony, he has to confirm that those are his plans too) at someone else's wedding is rude. Getting engaged at someone else's wedding because it's all so romantic and you're so happy and have realised it's what you want and it's unpremeditated, is very sweet, so long as you don't do it while the thunder-keeper and groom are making their vows, or during the after dinner speeches.

IMO.

lol at being pissed off that someone has sex on one's wedding night.

Sometimes, people eat while you're getting married. And some bastard egotists go and die. Don't they realise it's your day?

oh god i should stop. It's wedding threads. I should keep away from them