It is very sexist indeed to assume childcare costs come out of a woman's salary. It is also sexist if women arrange it. Why should she? Even back in the early 80s my children's father and I were together finding a nanny, together doing the interviews and had a deal that if a child were ill and needed a parent around unless he had something very urgent on at school his career would come second as I earned more in mine.
I hate reading women saying it will cost me X to go back to work. Surely it also costs a man X if he goes back to work for his childcare too. Why do these women tolerate sexist marriages? What is it in their upbringing that led them to think women arrange child care? Were their mothers sexist or did they choose sexist men?
But the issue is more for those of us with older children - making sure chidlren of either sex know if they choose career option A they will find child care is more than what they earn an hour and if it's B then it won't be such an issue. one of my student children was in the middle of an application for something where if she does well there those in charge earn about £1m a year. She knows what implications that has for her ability to fund child care compared say to a friend applying to become a teacher and she's making informed choices. Of course the added bonus is if you become a teacher you are likely to fall in love with a colleague on £30k a year. If she works where she may work I suppose she might fall in love with someone on £1m a year but either way your financial path is easier.
This is entirely separate from the issue of happiness which of course is nothing much to do with earnings. But easier to be happy and have spare money than happy where an increase in fuel bills messes your budgeting around.
Yes, I said this was not a web site for stay at home mothers. Nor is it for working mothers. It is not for either. But if a stay at home mother with super sensitive feelings finds that offensive that some women who love their work and earn a lot like to show others what can be achieved then perhaps they need to think about why it gets to them so much. We all make choices, good and bad and if people aren't happy with their choices then change them. if they are happy I can't see why someone having a different view offends them. I am not offended that some parents think it right to smack a child but I would always defend children and say that it's morally wrong for example. SImilarly if someone strongly feels a child's mental health is damaged if mothers work then I am sure they have a moral duty to point that out but it's not a question of being offended or otherwise.
Some women are too namby pamby, let's be nice to each other all the time, a kind of fake how wonderful you are thing where they keep their true thoughts to themselves and aren't able even to cope with anyone whose views differs from their own.