to want to post on the "For my husband to earn £65,000 per annum and we still can't afford to live"..... thread because it's full???

[chockywocky]

i cant believe its full and and havent had my say.....

policywonk - That was a very cheap shot, an unwarranted ad hominem. I hope you are pleased with yourself

I do believe in the merits of SAH in the first couple of years of a baby's life, which is why I quit work.

Still, there is no denying that SAH with a baby or a toddler is mind-numbingly dull, if you are used to the intellectual stimulation, brain work, and intelligent conversation of a business day.

That might not be true if you were stocking shelves at Tesco before first baby, but that was not what I meant by a stimulating job and a successful career anyway.

thing is Cote perhaps for policywonk that IS as close to intellectually interesting as she is going to get !

I don't find it dull actually Cote
It's fascinating to watch your child develop and be amazed by their personality and the joy they can bring to your life.
If you make the effort you can meet an interesting circle of sahm's who have given up what you would consider worthy careers to stay at home for 5 years or so, or even those who didn't have much of a career but are interesting and intelligent nonetheless.
If you found your babies dull then so be it, but don't suggest that those who don't have a lack of imagination or intelligence that's much ruder than anything policywonk said.

I didn't find it dull either mrsruffallo. I have been continually amazed by my children's personalities and yes, they bring me a great deal of joy. Likewise for my husband. It doesn't change just because you work!!

I found it incredibly dull especially when they were under 2. I did it simply because I thought it was best for them. Though I spent way too much time resenting my DH for the fact that his life barely changed and he still enjoyed the stimulation of the workplace.

Anyway,now I work p/t and love it. Enjoy the days at home more too. Though Xenia has said many time that p/t work is pointless, it suits me.

I know that river, I was referring to Cote's comments, not wohm in general-I am not a militant sahm, just get cross when people assume you must be thick to enjoy it

I generally loved being at home, not every bit was fantastic but then I have some dull bits of my job.

It was quite a magical time, I made a great collection of friends and also did some work and studied.

But I did miss the challenge of working and I suspect I make a better teacher than mother.

We could not financially sustain it for any longer than I worked and I do now have a gap in my pension that worries me.

Good posts policywonk and Mrsruffalo!

I don't mind if others choose to be working mums or not but hate being looked down intellectually for spending time with my children in their early years...one is jumping on me now so can't write more!

Oh, unwarranted my arse. If you're going to post things like 'working is intellectually challenging and fulfilling, while SAH with babies or small children kills your brain one cell at a time', then you're insulting me and you can bloody well expect me to insult you back.

oh come on now. of course the seeing your child grow up and develop and so on bit is interesting. but the other stuff, the drudgery stuff is dull.

i am nothing but utterly delighted when it gets to 5pm, i had dd over to dh and off i go to work.

i don't think i'd be comfortable going out to work a full time day job though, just as i wouldn't be comfortable not having a job to go to at all. i like our little set up. he does his bit, i do mine. and we each have a job, each contribute financially and each rely on the other just as much.

I found that the drudgery stuff was still there to do when I got home from work.

I'm just astonished by this assumption that those who don't spend their days in paid employment must be without intellectual stimulation. lemonstartree, perhaps you need to start reading an interesting newspaper or acquiring some intelligent friends. It sounds as though your home life is an intellectual desert.

'Still, there is no denying that SAH with a baby or a toddler is mind-numbingly dull, if you are used to the intellectual stimulation, brain work, and intelligent conversation of a business day.

That might not be true if you were stocking shelves at Tesco before first baby, but that was not what I meant by a stimulating job and a successful career anyway.'

I never found it dull and I went straight froma PhD and training to be a psychologist.
What people find dull is different. The thought of working asa lawyer or banker or in an office makes me want to heave. I'd die of boredom. But many women find it intellectually stimulating.
I don't insult them about it, please don't insult us who enjoy the toddler years. Its not dull and it is intellectually stimulating.
And why sneer at shelf stacking? There's a real job snobbery between what people view as a career (money making) and what they view as work (low paid job). Many people find stimulation where others would be bored but it doesn't make one job better than the other ffs.
My brain cells didn't get killed so ner.
Why can't peope accept that when you choose to do something then fairly often you do enjoy it and find it stimulating. Lack of choice would be different. A parent forced to stay at home or forced out into work might feel very different about each scenario and we aren' all suited to finding the same jobs interesting. I wouldn't last 5 minutes at Xenia's job as a lawyer. I couldn't imagine anything more boring and I bet she'd gag at psychological research or staying home with young children.

"i like our little set up. he does his bit, i do mine. and we each have a job, each contribute financially and each rely on the other just as much."

That actually applies to us, too, apart from the contributing financially. But then he his paid employment would be more stressful if he didn't have the support that he gets from me.

I had plenty of intellectual stimulation when at home with dd but I sought it out, there is also lots of dull stuff.

Good posts from policywonk, mrsruffalo and nmc.

dull stuff will be with us whether we work or stay at home. Food stillneeds cooking, toilets cleaned, vomit wiped up.
Even those without kids have to do dull stuff in between the dinner parties and ski holidays. Its life.

Agree with policywonk. I don't see why working mothers have to have the monopoly on being intelligent! And again, agreeing with policywonk, judging by SOME of the comments from SOME of the posters they may be in what they perceive as wonderful jobs (which yes, pay lots and lots of money, well done), but they are most certainly not any more intelligent than many other women out there, whether they be SAHM or not.

I would not make judgements on policywonk's intellectual or emotional capacity - a practice she might like to emulate.

agree twinset

It has taken us a while but I think we have now cracked it.

I work full time but as a teacher get the long holidays.

Dp has reduced his hours and works from home, he takes dd to school picks her up and can go to any school event.

We have both kept some financial independence if it is needed but share all the bills 50/50.

During term time he does most of the childcare during holidays I take over.

If we have another, I would love to but he is not sure. I will take my year maternity and then he will do some freelance work to fit around the child. Eventually at about 3 the child will go to nursery so dp can increase his hours.

We have sat down before getting anywhere near to the point of conception and worked this out together.

But I recognise that we are fortunate to have those choices. I have deliberately not used the word lucky as neither dp and I have had much luck, we have had to overcome a lot of shit. We do work hard and we are decent honest people, rewards tend to come from that.

"enjoy the toddler years. Its not dull and it is intellectually stimulating."

Define 'intellectual'? I suspect you have a private definition.

If you agree with the universal definition, could you please give some examples of which activities you did with your toddler was intellectually stimulating (for you, the adult)?

Was it the Playdoh?

I believe you when you say you enjoy the toddler years, which is a subjective matter. However, you can't seriously say they are intellectually stimulating for an adult whose brain is used to intelligent adult conversation.

personally i would also find being a lawyer deathly boring.

i think alot of unhappiness comes from lack of choice.

if everyone had the true choice to do what they want, there wouldn't be so many bitter people out there.

if people think sah is only about changing nappies etc, no wonder they found it dull, you need to get out there and do stuff with your kids and enjoy it and build a social life at home.

i really wonder how some of the work obessed people would cope if they get made redundent or when they retire.

also the arguement that you can't finanically support yourself is jsut silly as just because you do not have a job right now, doesn't mean you won't ever again.
again i think this stems from some peoples fears of being shit scared they might lose their job.

anyway life is what you make it.
enjoy your kids enjoy your life you only get one life so you might as well spend it doing what YOU want to do

one thing I thought I;d share while reading this thread - as you all know I've been home for 17 years. dd is off to school full time in January so I fancy doing something else.
So I called the job centre and asked what advice/training etc there was for stay at home mums to get back into work or education or training. Bugger all is the answer.
If you are a single parnets there is training and help but if you are not claiming any benefits there is no help at all, no free training courses - and courses are really epesnive.
I was really quite suprised!
The job centre wouldn't even see me. Or give advice.
How crap is that?!