To ask Reception Class teacher to stop handing out party invitations in school?

[ChristmasDisneyPrincess]

Really really not sure about this one. Would really appreciate some views.

My ds is nearly 5 and is in reception class. Obviously still at the age where there are lots of birthday parties going on throughout the year.

My issue is that many of the parents around here give their party invitations to the teacher and ask her to give them out.

This results in numerous upset children coming out of school whenever some invitations have been handed out and they haven't received one.

I have absolutley no issues with parents not inviting the whole class to their parties. That is entirely personal choice. But I do not understand why they cannot therefore hand out the invitations to their chosen friends themselves.

It must be awful in the classroom at home time when the teacher hands out party invitations and all the children wait eagerly to see if they've got one, only for several of them to end up disappointed.

AIBU to ask the teacher to stop doing this? I really don't want to come across as a whinging parent. But surely she doesn't enjoy doing this anyway? Perhaps she would be glad of the excuse to say 'no' when parents ask her?

YANBU, if the teacher is willing to do this could she not put them in their bookbags?

I agree. YANBU

Not really experienced in party invitation ettiquette but I do not think YABU to ask if there is a way they can be distributed without announcing to the whole class.

teacher shouldn't really be involved - put in bookbags

Ours seem to put them in the bookbags, only for the children to pull them out and brandish them as they leave the classroom

Put them in bookbags-dd never gets invited as I work ft so never pick her up at the gates, and so never make friends with the mums-she gets so

YABU. The children will all be talking about so-and-so's party so non-invited children will still get upset.

Should be done discretely, I agree. But school is often the only place you meet people, you're not necessarily going to have the phone numbers of your dc's friends and the school for obvious reasons can't provide those.

YANBU. Our school has a policy of the teachers not getting involved with invites. Our teachers must be right softies as apparently they find it very upsetting.

YANBU

The invitations should be discreetly put in the book bag to go home that evening - preferably on a friday as reception children have the memories of a gnat and tend not to discuss parties unless they are on a school day.
Teacher is being a bit dim tbh

Feel really strongly about this. DD 6 told me this morning that they are no longer allowed to give out invitations in class. What a lot of mothers do is text the parents the invite. Very few people don't have a mobile these days. I much prefer this option.

I like your idea too nolongeraworried..

How would you prefer her to deal with them? If they are given to her to dish out, she has to dish them out.

The children will show off their invitations/chat about them/talk about the party afterwards; stopping the teacher distributing the invitations won't stop uninvited children knowing about the parties and being upset at not being invited.

It's a shame that they have to learn to deal with disappointments, but they do - and that's life, even for five year olds.

YANBU.
The teacher shouldn't be involved.

YANBU totally

as the mother of a little boy desperate for freinds but having NEVER been invited to a party, YANBU

Many thanks for the quick responses guys.

As far as the bookbags thing goes, I'm not sure that this really helps. Half the class usually haven't got their bookbags with them anyway. And even when they are in bookbags, the kids just open them straight away and still walk out of the classroom waving them in the air.

Soupdragon - I see what you are saying, but to be honest I don't see a lot of that amoungst the kids at this age. If a party is happening next weekend or last weekend or whatever, by the time school comes round they've forgotten about it.

They don't really quite have that concept of time or dates yet, so this only really a problem when it's made really obvious like in this situation.

Dd's school puts a very firm note in newsletters: teachers will distribute invitations ONLY IF EVERY CHILD is being invited. Otherwise they are not to be expected to.

It is great to be this upfront - load off teachers' backs and I think it effectively encourages whole-class parties, which I'm really in favour of at reception age. (PS not underestimating the effort/cost of whole-class parties when classes are big - but there is always the option of combined parties with classmates, which happens a lot at dd's school.)

Good grief this is such a no brainer!
If we were talking about older children there would be a point here but reception children don't look in their bags at the end of the day.
My DD never knows she has an invite in her bag until we get home and open her reading book.
Teachers places it in there . Child doesn't know. No discussion and no upset.

With older kids it probably gets more tricky but reception??

shitehawk wrote: "It's a shame that they have to learn to deal with disappointments, but they do - and that's life, even for five year olds. "

They are 5 year olds for goodness sake!

I agree with OP, in your situation, I would raise your concern with the teacher. And frankly, teachers (and parents) should know better and realise the impact this will have on the child that wasn't invited. Send them by post.

Ah CDP that explains it - if children are allowed to open and wave their books about.
My DD puts her coat etc and then is given her bookbag as she lines up to leave the class. She only leaves the line when she and teacher see me. There is no running around or waving of bags - let alone opening them.
(Until she gets to me - and by then we are looking for the ice cream van and chasing her friends which is way more fun than checking her book bag)

I used to work as a TA in reception and I used to put them in the book bags and the children didn't really notice. I agree it does eventually come out who is not invited though

At DSs school in a class of 30 they all knew who was having party and who was invited.

This was never an issue when I was 5 and neither that nor having no prize in every layer of pass the parcel didn't scar me.

Dd hasn't had any invites , i think she would be upset if everyone got invites and not her, i agree they should be put in book bags.

I don't think dd will have a party unless i can aford to invite the whole class (14 children).

Because dd goes to a small school she has friends in ther classes so would want around 20 kids to come.

Im not looking forwerd to dd's birthday, i can see it will be a problem.

YANBU. It is absolutely NOT the teacher's job to get involved with parties, FGS, book bags or not. We've got enough to do. But also, as everyone has said, it is needlessly upsetting to so blatantly, when 9 times out of 10, a number are excluded. I think it's bad enough when kids/mums do it themselves outside on the playground.
Worth a mention, I think. Bet the teachers will be glad of the excuse to ditch the practice altogether.
By the way, in the US, no one is allowed to hand them out in school (unless the whole class is invited). You mail them, full stop.