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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask Reception Class teacher to stop handing out party invitations in school?

117 replies

ChristmasDisneyPrincess · 06/11/2008 10:27

Really really not sure about this one. Would really appreciate some views.

My ds is nearly 5 and is in reception class. Obviously still at the age where there are lots of birthday parties going on throughout the year.

My issue is that many of the parents around here give their party invitations to the teacher and ask her to give them out.

This results in numerous upset children coming out of school whenever some invitations have been handed out and they haven't received one.

I have absolutley no issues with parents not inviting the whole class to their parties. That is entirely personal choice. But I do not understand why they cannot therefore hand out the invitations to their chosen friends themselves.

It must be awful in the classroom at home time when the teacher hands out party invitations and all the children wait eagerly to see if they've got one, only for several of them to end up disappointed.

AIBU to ask the teacher to stop doing this? I really don't want to come across as a whinging parent. But surely she doesn't enjoy doing this anyway? Perhaps she would be glad of the excuse to say 'no' when parents ask her?

OP posts:

cupcakesandbunting · 17/05/2010 19:47

YANBU.

Teachers are there to teach, not be be party planners.

Hulababy · 17/05/2010 19:50

I am a TA in a Y1 class. neither me or the teacher deal with party invitations at all and have no intention of doing so AFAIK. The parents come in in a morning and place the invitations directly into the invited child's drawer or hands it to the parent directly.

Hulababy · 17/05/2010 19:54

We have class names and addresses. It comes out at the start of the year and is updated if anyone joins or moves house. The class rep parent organises it. The sheet includes childs name and birthdate, parent's name(s), a contact address and telephone number, a mobile number(s) and email address. It is optional, but everyone in DD's class is on there.

legaleagle21 · 17/05/2010 19:54

I have only read the first post - but I am totally shocked that this goes on and i am a teacher. I dont think teachers should get involved in this at all.

no ur not being unreasonable to ask her to stop.

catherinewho · 17/05/2010 19:59

Either the teacher hands them out and is not mean to those who don't get one or the kids themselves hand them out with loud shouts of "YOU'RE not invited" etc to those they don't want at their party in front of everyone.

This used to happen when I was in primary school.

I know which scenario I prefer.

EdgarAllenPoll · 17/05/2010 20:10

Either the teacher hands them out and is not mean to those who don't get one

na. in the eyes of the excluded child this just means the teacher doesn't like them, and is fully aware that the other kids don't like them, and doesn't care.

MadamDeathstare · 17/05/2010 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

legaleagle21 · 17/05/2010 20:16

I cant see why a party for a reception pupil is not for full class or just about 3 special friends. I think any parent that invites a significant number of the class and leaves other out is acting very badly. And the teacher should def not the part of it.

SawneyBeane · 17/05/2010 20:25

I hate these kind of threads.
I hate it when somebody posts that their child never gets invited.

So, if anyone lives in Wantage, I'll happily invite your dc's around to play.

Yes, I am a saddo and no, I'm not even pregnant.

sparklycheerymummy · 17/05/2010 20:44

YABU.....children have to learn they can't have everything they want and can't go to everyone's party!! How else are they supposed to be given out..... if the children give them out in my experience they make a real song and dance about who is or isnt coming and if they are not given inside school it would be outside in the playground which has the same impact.....or are you expecting them to be posted. Life is hard but i sometimes think parents make it harder for kids by pushing their insecurities on their children. my dd actually told me she wasnt going to a party and she just said.....well thats life mummy!!!! If you are not careful you end up having parties for the whole class till they leave school......when your child doesnt get on with half of them. my dds bday parties are getting smaller from a ridiculously large and expensive party to a few friends round for tea!!!

sparklycheerymummy · 17/05/2010 20:56

legaleagle......have you considered that it might be down to cost....they cant do a massive party but dont want a really small party?????
ALSO.....can a child not be allowed to choose who they want......is it not acceptable that your child might not like or get on with another child????

Thankfully i am not precious with dd and she is a bit tougher and more balanced for it!!!!

sparklycheerymummy · 17/05/2010 20:58

BUt whether the invites are handed out in class by teacher, in the drawers by the child or in the playground doesnt matter....... the children will still talk about it or is that going to be banned too. however invites go out.... your child will still know they havent been invited!!!!

legaleagle21 · 17/05/2010 21:26

Well yes sparkycheerymummy a child can choose - but I dont think you should expect a teacher to colude in excluding some children from het class.

Your dd might be stronger for it and if it happens occasionally that is fine - but if a child if ALWAYS the one left it destroys them.

imahappycamper · 17/05/2010 21:43

When I was teaching FT the Head sent out a letter to parents saying that staff would not give out party invitations in class. Reason:that it is heartbreaking seeing the poor child's face when yet again they aren't invited, and the smug face of the child who is always invited just rubs it in.
Other reasons: parties are not school events and so parents should be responsible for giving them out.
It can be time consuming and there are better uses of the time.

sparklycheerymummy · 17/05/2010 21:56

like i said....wherever the invites are given out will result in the same..... your child will know they havent been invited and the birthday child will understandably want to talk about it.

its unlikely that the whole class except one would be invited...... so i would just point that out.

its only an issue to the child if you make it one...... yes its a hard lesson to learn but its life.

in my experience parents giving them out in the playground would cause more of a war..... at my childs school its the parents not the kids that cause havoc with stuff like this!!! If given in class the parents are not so involved!!!! BUt i would say it shouldnt take a great chunk out of the day!!!!!!

i was one of the kids that didnt get invited.....probably cos i was a miserable sod!!!????

legaleagle21 · 18/05/2010 13:30

All that said cheekymonkey - I still think the teacher has better things to do, should be seem as impartial and is not a party planner. It is wrong to involve her in the invites. And I have never come across this happening and I have worked in several schools - so maybe it is perculiar to ur area. But kids manage to have parties with involving teaching professionals.

sparklycheerymummy · 18/05/2010 19:33

my childrens teachers have always given out invites and every school i have worked in too has!!! Its no big deal!!!!

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