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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask Reception Class teacher to stop handing out party invitations in school?

117 replies

ChristmasDisneyPrincess · 06/11/2008 10:27

Really really not sure about this one. Would really appreciate some views.

My ds is nearly 5 and is in reception class. Obviously still at the age where there are lots of birthday parties going on throughout the year.

My issue is that many of the parents around here give their party invitations to the teacher and ask her to give them out.

This results in numerous upset children coming out of school whenever some invitations have been handed out and they haven't received one.

I have absolutley no issues with parents not inviting the whole class to their parties. That is entirely personal choice. But I do not understand why they cannot therefore hand out the invitations to their chosen friends themselves.

It must be awful in the classroom at home time when the teacher hands out party invitations and all the children wait eagerly to see if they've got one, only for several of them to end up disappointed.

AIBU to ask the teacher to stop doing this? I really don't want to come across as a whinging parent. But surely she doesn't enjoy doing this anyway? Perhaps she would be glad of the excuse to say 'no' when parents ask her?

OP posts:
chloemegjess · 06/11/2008 22:08

To be honest, I don't see it as that much as a big deal. When working in a school, it hardly crossed my mind. I put them in book bags, but I also had to put in letters etc so it didn't take extra time and children didn't really look as I had their books out at least once a day...often more.

lljkk · 07/11/2008 13:51

One thing about Stewie's solution is that you are chasing people around in the playground both when you hand the invites out, AND when you have to get them to RSVP. It's hard enough to do it for the RSVP chasing!

And in my experience, if you don't deal as directly as possible with the parent, then anything can happen, the children themselves (this is up to age 11) are lousy at either taking invites home or getting reply slips back.

clam · 07/11/2008 19:00

That may well be true, lljkk, but it is still not the teachers' job to do it for us! They have enough to do. It can be hard to organise a 'normal' playdate sometimes. But would you ask the teacher to set it up for you?

etchasketch · 07/11/2008 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StewieGriffinsMom · 07/11/2008 19:26

This reply has been deleted

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StewieGriffinsMom · 07/11/2008 19:27

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lil · 07/11/2008 19:50

YABU. If the child is not invited they probably are not a friend of the partygiver anyway.

A party is for friends not a charity event!

Thank god our teachers hand them out - saves a fortune in stamps and hassle.

lil · 07/11/2008 19:50

YABU. If the child is not invited they probably are not a friend of the partygiver anyway.

A party is for friends not a charity event!

Thank god our teachers hand them out - saves a fortune in stamps and hassle.

lil · 07/11/2008 19:54

..and why on Earth would your child want/expect to be invited to a party of a non-firend anyway

globaljen · 17/05/2010 14:04

I put them in bookbags or discreetly give them to the parent once the child has been dropped off. My son (Reception) was really upset he was one of 5 not invited to a child's party - 6 months later when it came to inviting kids to his party, he was adamant that he didn't want to invite this child to his. Memory like an elephant! And when word got out about his party, this blasted kid marched up to me and said "So where is my invitation?!". Cheeky blighter!!! I had to explain that DS had chosen who was to be invited to his party and was only 'allowed' a certain number!

It gets tricky in our school as they are mixed-age classes, so there is almost a 2yr age gap between some children in the class. It also makes it a BIG party if you invite them ALL, plus outside-school friends too (my son has several of those). So I was super-discreet about invites. It still gets out, though!

What I find unreasonable is when it is the PARENTS who are all silly about who is invited and who isn't, and are obviously using invite lists to score points/ make a point! Daft.

pagwatch · 17/05/2010 14:07

errmmm
Didn't we get this sorted back in Nov 2008?

Dancergirl · 17/05/2010 14:18

I don't think it's really a teacher's job to give out invites, whether the whole class is invited or not! He/she is probably up to his/her eyes in a million other things.

Why can't the child and/or parent just hand them out at drop-off and pick-up time? That's what we do at our school. May take a few days until they're all given out but if you allow plenty of time that's fine.

And as for the 'child getting upset if not invited' thing....well, I think it's the PARENTS who worry more about not getting invited than the child! Let's face it - ALL our children get invited to plenty of parties these days, if they don't get invited to some it's not the end of the world. And hey, sometimes children get upset/disappointed - it's part of life. Invitiations should just be given out in a matter-of-fact sort of way, there doesn't need to be this hush-hush approach.

iamamug · 17/05/2010 14:24

I agree with many replies here - children are cushioned far too much - they won't always get everything they want and won't always get invited to parties - that's life.
I did however do whole class parties early on - because I shared with another mum and we did it cheaply at local swimming pool/gym/whatever and did food ourselves.
There are ways and means..
As regards giving out the invites - at my DS's school they are put in book bags which children don't look in from one day to the next unless you make them!!
We have never had an issue with it.
Is it me or do people overthink these things far too much???

Geocentric · 17/05/2010 14:27

Pmsl at Pag

ChippingIn · 17/05/2010 14:44

Pag - have you found a good one yet?

As for the OP - I think she was BU - it is a decision for the teacher/school to make, it's not up to her to ask the teacher to stop doing this - the teacher is not her employee....

(note I am not a teacher!!)

Mowgli1970 · 17/05/2010 15:41

I'm a teacher and I think YABU. My job is to teach and having 20 invites that I have to discreetly hand out by putting in book bags (what if invitee hasn't brought it?)as well as the other milliion things I hve to do would be a complete pain. Same with Christmas cards. I'm happy to hand out invites, but on the carpet at the end of the day just before they go home. My dc have come home without invites and it's hard, but logistically a nightmare to organise in class. Sorry to sound harsh . (sits self on naughty chair thinking spot (FGS!)

troublewithtalk · 17/05/2010 16:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2shoes · 17/05/2010 17:12

ds is 18
he was invited to parties.
he was left out.
he is not scarred by it.

(the only time I was upset was when the horrid woman down the road left dd out and dd knew and cried, ffs she has cp not rabies)

CheekyPinkSox · 17/05/2010 17:42

I haven't come across this yet as Jack (my oldest 3) has been invited to only two parties before and one of them was his best friend Adam, he didnt go to it because we was going to a BBQ at my mums. The mum was ok as she is my only friend in this town (woe me )

Since not working iv been taking Jack to school, but the mums seem to already have their cliques and look at other mums as if they have 3 heads. When my oldest gets back from MIL next weekend, think i might make the effort to speak to some of the mums, some of them are really nice but they just dont seem to stop to talk to you. I always wanted to have a friendly school run but these days it doesnt seem so friendly.

CheekyPinkSox · 17/05/2010 17:45

oooh how come this post is 2 years old nearly????? which bright spark bumped this!

Shaz10 · 17/05/2010 17:48

Most of the children in my class don't have bookbags.
I hand invitations, cards etc out at the end of the day but I don't say what they are. It's great when there are different letters including the newsletter being given out, then I can hide them!

Shaz10 · 17/05/2010 17:50

Bugger, didn't spot the date!

lazylula · 17/05/2010 18:26

When I worked in a reception class, we often handed out invites to parties, it was usually done in the morning and was more a case of reading the names on the invites for the party child to go and hand to the child. If a child asked why they were not invited we gently explained that not everyone can go to every party and maybe they will be invited to another at some other time. If my dc gets upset about the invite thing when he goes to shool this will be the approach I will take, its a tough life out there!! So I think yes maybe you are being a little ur!

pigletmania · 17/05/2010 18:36

Well thats not as bad as in my day the birthday boy/girl used to hand them out themselves. Children have got to develop a thick skin so YABU, thats life!

EdgarAllenPoll · 17/05/2010 18:58

the problem is that there will be the one or two kids in the class that are never invited. I was that child!

the playground is cruel enough without parents and teachers collaborating to make it worse.

it is one thing for a kid to hand out invitations, and hurt the exemptees thus, it is quite another for a teacher to do it...