To ask Reception Class teacher to stop handing out party invitations in school?

[ChristmasDisneyPrincess]

Really really not sure about this one. Would really appreciate some views.

My ds is nearly 5 and is in reception class. Obviously still at the age where there are lots of birthday parties going on throughout the year.

My issue is that many of the parents around here give their party invitations to the teacher and ask her to give them out.

This results in numerous upset children coming out of school whenever some invitations have been handed out and they haven't received one.

I have absolutley no issues with parents not inviting the whole class to their parties. That is entirely personal choice. But I do not understand why they cannot therefore hand out the invitations to their chosen friends themselves.

It must be awful in the classroom at home time when the teacher hands out party invitations and all the children wait eagerly to see if they've got one, only for several of them to end up disappointed.

AIBU to ask the teacher to stop doing this? I really don't want to come across as a whinging parent. But surely she doesn't enjoy doing this anyway? Perhaps she would be glad of the excuse to say 'no' when parents ask her?

How would you get everybodys addresses? Not being funny, honest question

Dunno. Was just saying it's what I've seen in the US.
But actually, that's not the teacher's problem!

YANBU. I don't get it either. What has is=t got to do with the school? Why are they getting involved? They do this at my dd's school and I don't like it at all. They also let the children bring in sweets to hand out on their birthday and then your other child is upset all the way home.

Sorry clam, I am not trying to argue at all. But seriously, the school are not allowed to give a list of addresses. So without going up to each child/parent and asking for an address, so else would you post them? And if you have to ask them all indervidually, you could have just given it to them there and then?

I agree it is not the teachers problem, but don't understand how you would do the posting thing?

The first school DS1 went to had the policy that Bink mentions - teachers would only distribute invitations if every child in the class was invited. If not, you were politely requested to make your own arrangements.

Of course children find out about parties they're not invited to, but there's no need to make it worse for very young children.

DS's teacher very kindly put his invitations in book bags for us, but I wouldn't have asked if we hadn't asked the whole class. I think it is off to ask them to distribute them if not inviting everyone. All or nothing in my opinion.

As far as addresses go, we have a system of class reps and at the start of the year they ask for people's permission to be included on a list of names and addresses. So I have all the names, addresses and phone numbers of both DSs' classmates.

Actually, I do vaguely recall, when mine were in reception, that a couple of mums got organised and asked everyone if they would like their contact details included on a list for future reference by other parents. You could opt out, obviously. And in America they take that a step further by electing a 'grade mom' who slaves co-ordinates all kinds of stuff for the class - getting volunteers ( Best of luck!) etc..

Oops, singersgirl. You're a faster typer than I am!

singersgirl. It is a very good idea, but I am very surprised they are allowed to do that nowadays. Or is it done by one of the parents so not through the school?

The teacher shouldn't be involved - it's up to the child or parent to distribute the invites as tactfully or not as they see fit. My dd didn't get invited to all parties but it's something you have to step back from or you end up seeing slights where none are intended.

Wrt the sweets in school, I don't mind this but so often they're chocolate bars which was a problem as at one stage, my dd was barred from eating chocolate Sun-Thurs b. Hard to say you can't have that now and have to wait until Friday... but you can't please everyone. Savoy - I'm sure your other child gets sweets from time to time as well.

Why not? If they ask permission? Ours was done informally outside the classsroom door. Nothing to do with the school, actually.

DD's school will only hand out/put in book bags if ALL the class is invited.

Now she is in Yr 1 most of the mums have got to know each other from play dates etc.and have been able to pass on invites themselves, so even though DD has not been invited to some of the other parties it doesn't seem a big deal to her, because no fuss was made at school.

I like the idea of a contact list - we did this when DD was in nursery, would have helped when in reception when you didn't know which parent to which child

Ds1 is about to start pre-school and I am dreading the 'bringing in cake/sweets' thing far more than the party invites. He is allergic to nuts and according to his keyworker we should expect things he can't eat (not nuts obviously but stuff that may contain traces) to be handed out every week or so.

Not sure if I think you are being U or not. I won't be asking the pre-school to change their practises. He will have to learn to take it on the chin though, at age 3 Not sure life can always be made fair even at 5 - but I wish it could.

She doesn't. She is one.

Ah in that case, I appreciate it's a bit different but the time will come when they do get goodies from school. Not much help in the meantime.

wb, food allergies are increasingly common in schools, and teachers are geared up for them. We have a couple of kids for whom the parents have provided a little box of "allowed" sweets put away safely by the teacher so that they can choose from there when birthday treats are handed out.

Clam - we'll do that of course. But he (understandably) doesn't like being different and wants what everybody else is having. Personally I'd be happy for birthdays to be kept entirely separate but that is cause of our own situation and so is BU, I think.

I don't think it's the teacher being unreasonable, but the parents. My DS is 7 and his school has no policy on invitations but if there's a party, the whole class is still invited, so it would be seen as out of order not to.

But he is different in this instance, though. And he is, out of necessity, going ot have to learn it pretty quickly. Teach it as something to celebrate. (difference, I mean, not the nut allergy! )

I thought any teacher would be clever enough to put invites in bookk pack. Common sense really.But I do agree with SoupDragon that we do sometimes have to teach our children that yes, they might be desapointments in life but they will survive.

I think this is more of an issue of non invited childrens parents being too sensitive, My kids always either invited all the class or a select group (you can't choose their friends for them), so it was never a case of just one or 2 disappointed kids.My twins in the same class didn't always get invited to the same parties and some parents felt they needed to apologise to me for this, I always pointed out that their apologiy was not necessary, kids have different friendships groups and that's life at the end of the day.my kids may occasionally say it's not fair, but kids get over it quickly if the parents are not silly about it as well.

Depends on your child. My son had a whole year at school where he was not invited to a single party (despite inviting people to his). He is kind and sociable, but also quiet and a little shy and sensitive and often finds himself on the edge of friendship groups.

He used to feel awful knowing that he wasn't being invited...again. It wasn't me feeling bad for him (though I did as well), it was him feeling utterly excluded. I wished the party-givers could have been more discreet.

Bloody hell. Children have to learn that they can't go to every social occasion going, they won't win every prize, not every person in the world will like them no matter how much their family adores them.

Sigh. Sorry I'm being harsh I know - I was rejected for a job yesterday that I really wanted, I've taken it hard, so I'm all for preparing my children for rejection and public humiliation now. TBH I get that cold little ball of hardness in my stomach when another child is horrible to DS1 so I talk the talk, but I don't walk the walk.

That is banned in our school. We've been told that if you want invites given then do it discretely outside then no-one gets upset.